Maui
Magic
12/12/10
I woke up this morning with a chuckle. The image of my 87-year-old Mom scratching
off the last remains of my bumper-sticker “GOD WANTS SPIRITUAL FRUITS NOT
RELIGIOUS NUTS” passed through my mind as I turned over in the Las Vegas Hilton’s king-sized bed to spoon Brad. I glanced dreamily at the silhouette of the
poinsettia on the desk in front of the window.
Brad had placed a dozen or so around the room for our 11th
wedding anniversary to create “something special” for our Las Vegas weekend.
“What’s so
funny?” he queried. “Oh, I just had this
hilarious image of Mom using her fingernails to scratch off that bumper-sticker
and it made me laugh.” Brad smiled as he
turned over to face me, “Do you think it was just too close to home for her?”
he responded.
Brad had picked me up the previous morning at the
airport after my grueling 10-hour Redeye
from Maui. I was bleary-eyed but still
noticed the sorry remains of my favorite bumper-sticker on the back of the van
after I loaded my luggage. “Sorry about
your sticker—your Mom got offended by it and decided to take matters into her
own hands. She must have thought it was
still her van since it was parked in her driveway while Wendy was using
it.” A flash of resentment passed
through me, which melted into humor and now vaporized into laughter in the
morning dawn. “Oh, I’ll just have to
find me a new one,” I concluded to myself.
Brad then began massaging my stiff neck and we
conjoined in one of our favorite therapy positions. Kinda the “you scratch my back—I’ll scratch
yours” deals that couples fall into…if they’re lucky that is. After we both climaxed, I got up to check for
a coffee pot so I could do a coffee enema.
I felt a bit sluggish with traces of indigestion from the copious
amounts of Red Zin and Salmon we’d had the night before. Darn…no coffee pot…that means I’ll have to
order some from room service. I pushed
the button marked “room service” to order a large pot of coffee. “Make that two,” Brad interrupted, but when I
asked the price…$38…we decided to split the $24 pot between us. While we waited for the pot of coffee I
checked my phone messages…then sent a text to Wayne Dyer “Howd
the coffee go? Any ??”
Wayne had promised to do a coffee enema the Friday
night after I’d left after his tantra session.
I’d brought over two grocery bags full of ingredients including his very
own enema bag. I told him I was his
“earth angel” and he needed to trust me to help him heal from his
Leukemia. And coffee enemas were part of
my own “Cancer Therapy Regime” which included Dr. Gerson’s coffee enema
practices. He fought back with his own
“excuses”…I don’t have a coffee pot…what about the caffeine?...I never drink coffee…but I consoled him
that if he just followed my three-part instructions that everything would come
out just fine…literally. A warm feeling
of love radiated through me as I reminisced concerning the time we’d spent together…and
the magic of Maui.
Without sounding like the Eat, Pray, Love “travelogue,” (which was Brad’s opinion of the
movie I’ve yet to see—I started the book
but put it down after the first few chapters) I’ll try to summarize my three
weeks in Maui in three parts—First Week,
Second Week, Third Week (now that sounds easy enough) and then the astonishing Epilogue.
First Week—I
suppose it started even before Maui—when Martin arrived from New York on
Friday, November 19th to film the Canadian
Visions TV Documentary on Polyamory.
Brad and I met him at the Salt
Lake Sheraton and enjoyed a delightful dinner, wine and conversation. He was a likable fellow in a New York sort of
way—ready to cut the fat and get down to the meat of the matter. He’d already been to Kate and Scott’s (our
Salt Lake polyamorous friends) home to do some footage with Scott that
afternoon, but things were a bit resistant in that department. Scott wasn’t ready to share his intimate
feelings about Kate and Phoenix’s “love affair.” The next night at a dinner party at Kate and
Scott’s home, Brad and I arrived an hour late (as usual) and most of the other
poly-folk had already taken a turn being filmed. As Brad and I sat down to eat, Martin’s
camera was close-captioning each and every word…and bite. It was somewhat awkward and intimidating, but
I soon got used to acting natural in front of a camera.
The next day, Sunday, Martin spent exclusively filming
Brad and me. We spent some time doing
B-roll (driving to and walking around my former Heartsong estate) and then he interviewed both of us for about an
hour. It was pretty late when he
finished and I was concerned for his morning flight to Maui from Salt Lake International. Brad booked a cheaper flight from Vegas to
Maui which meant we had to drive down to Vegas the next day in order to make
our 6 a.m. flight the following morning.
I was noticeably jealous of the New York film-maker’s convenient (and
perhaps expensive) choice in air travel—it probably came with on-the-job
experience.
After a brief stop-over at my daughter Ariel’s for
dinner in St. George, we arrived in Vegas close to midnight. We left our minivan at Mariamma’s (a former
spa friend) apartment complex parking lot and took an early morning taxi to the
airport. We arrived in Maui around 3
p.m. (their time, not ours which is 3 hours later) and Martin had his camera
rolling as he filmed Janet, Sasha, Brad and me meet for the first time. Sasha and Janet leied (is that a word?) us
with a braided leaf lei decorated with tiny hot-pink silk roses (sweet but a
bit cheesy). Sasha was recognizable from
his latest internet photo but Janet—well, that’s another story which I’ll keep
“short and sweet” here.
Sasha (who had just endured prostate surgery a week
earlier) was in top form in spite of his surgery and drove us several miles to
his hide-away estate in the Maui Rain
Forest. It was magical!! The dense tropical flowers and fruit trees
formed a virtual Garden of Eden paradise…and I felt like Eve amidst Mother
Earth’s richest flora. My first impish
impulse was to explore this vast wonderland—like Alice down the rabbit-hole—but
Martin insisted on filming us after we got settled into our private
bungalow. After our initial
introductions, the Lessins’ MD friend, Harold, arrived for dinner and to
demonstrate how to take a home HIV test in case we all decided to get sexual
right away. Brad and I were a bit miffed
by it, thinking it was a bit premature and presumptuous—shouldn’t we get to
know each other better before we decide to jump into bed together? This was certainly not on Brad’s agenda as I noticed him rolling his eyes once too
many times.
The next morning Martin followed me around with his
camera as I explored my exotic tropical surroundings. We were given free-rein of the property and I
soon found a quaint little cottage past the overgrown garden plot where Martin
got some great footage of me exclaiming my delight about the “pregnant
potential of this place.” Although the
bungalows were terribly run-down and in dire need of renovation or what I called
“a face-lift,” the mystical environment was definitely intoxicating. Ancient Banana, Mango, Papaya, and Avocado
trees were scattered about the property not to mention Bird-of-paradise and
other scent-sational tropical flowers (I’m not familiar with their names but
hope to be soon). The bubbling stream
cascaded through the middle of the property like a picture postcard and lulled
us to sleep at night. Other than the
Hawaiian neighbor’s illegal fighting cocks crowing relentlessly each morning at
dawn—you’d have thought we’d died and gone to heaven.
Thanksgiving Day was especially delightful as we met
some of Sasha and Janet’s “poly” friends.
It was pot-luck and we had food enough for an army. Martin had put his camera away for a Thanksgiving
break (I enjoyed the break) but he really missed out filming some great
conversations concerning Maui’s progressive poly group. Many of them had been involved in polyamory
for over 30 years and had arm’s length discourses on what works and doesn’t
work. Of course Brad and I volunteered
our 10-year shaky history—and Brad
waited until I headed for the bathroom to speak frankly about his own
misgivings. I got the last bits and
pieces of it and reminded everyone that we still weren’t functioning “on the
same page.”
Speaking of “shaky”…it was almost unbelievably
synchronistic that a 5.2 earthquake hit Maui the first day we were
filming. Martin miraculously got the
earthquake on film and we were all a bit shook up by the event. I’m not sure whether it was a good sign or a
bad one but I couldn’t resist my urge to burst into song…I feel the earth move
under my feet… I feel the sky tumblin’ down…I feel my heart start to
tremblin’….whenever you’re around…(I sincerely hope he didn’t get that on film!)
But what I did consider to be “good signs” was when
Brad and I went to the beach one evening (I’m not sure which day it was)
three—yes I said three—giant sea
turtles crawled up on the beach where I was sitting on a drift-wood log to
greet me! One, which looked to be
ancient, tried it’s hardest to crawl up to get close to me. It had a lot of “cancer growths” (if sea
turtles get cancer) around its mouth and on its front flipper. The other front flipper had been torn up by
what looked like a shark attack. I felt
like it was beckoning me to heal it and I wanted to lay hands on it—but because
it’s a Federal Offense to touch sea turtles, I simply did some energetic Reiki
healing on it as it lay on the beach. A
seasoned Asian fisherman, who was watching me close by, nodded at me with a
smile and a wink. I guess he realized
what I was attempting for his sea turtle “friend.”
Some other good signs were the magical rainbow vortices
(what Brad calls “sun dogs”) that would appear each day as we looked out Sasha
and Janet’s front picture window which held a perfect view of Wailuku Bay and
Beach. It was exquisitely
spectacular—and I wished I had my camera with me so I could include photos
here—but I’m an amateur photographer and photos just don’t express the full
magic of the Maui experience. You just
had to be there!
The day after Thanksgiving, Brad got an interesting
phone call as the three of us—Martin, Brad and I—were out for an afternoon “jungle”
stroll. Brad lingered to talk in private
so I figured it was one of his kids with some “private business” to share. We lost Brad in the tall cane grass as we
took a side-road just as he was trying to catch up to us. When we finally located him, after his
attempts to find us, he announced that he was having his own private conversation with none other
than Wayne Dyer. “Wayne Dyer!” I
exclaimed. “How’d he get your phone number?” I queried.
I’d sent everyone on my phone list (including Wayne) a Happy Thanksgiving from the Turkey Birds greeting
on Thanksgiving morning but I was curious as to how Brad got Wayne’s phone
number.
“Oh, I kifed (Brad’s word for stole) it from your phone
when you weren’t looking and texted (I’m still not sure that’s a word) Wayne
myself telling him to call me as I’d like to talk to him before he booked
another Ananda Nirvana massage with
you.” “Really!” I retorted, dumbfounded
by the lengths Brad goes to in order to “have his way with my clients and
perspective lovers.”
“Yeah,” Brad continued sheepishly, with Martin
witnessing, “But Wayne was really considerate of my feelings and we had a long,
open conversation about my concerns.”
“Wait right
there…I’ve got to get this conversation on film!” Martin ran for his camera and
missed the firm scolding I gave Brad concerning my “privacy issues” but came
back to film “real polyamory in action.”
Brad and I then shared our opposing views on camera
about what each of us considered the definition of “polyamory.” I went with the traditional meaning of “many
loves” while Brad felt that he needed to be directly involved with any and all movement in the direction of “other lovers.”
Martin concluded that “you guys are just like anyone
else concerning your jealousy issues—except you’re a lot more willing to
express them openly in public rather than privately. I have my own take on polyamory—everyone has affairs but sometimes the
kinder way to handle it is to just keep it secret and not talk about it to your
partner. Sometimes the little white lies are less hurtful and
damaging than the entire truth.”
At that point I seriously wanted to take Martin’s
camera and shove it down his throat as I thought about all the men in the world,
like Martin, who cheat on their wives and think they are keeping it “secret”
from them. Don’t they know that women
intuitively know when they are being cheated on and it’s the “hide” that really
hurts the relationship?
“Hey, I’d rather be with someone who admits they are
polyamorous and wants to have sex with other women rather than being married to
a cheat and a liar!” I gave Brad a sideward
glance as I called Wayne Dyer back to book an Ananda Nirvana session with him the following day. “Hey, put the camera down, Martin,” I
remarked putting my hand in front of the lens.
“This really is a private
matter.”
And so the next day, Saturday, we spent locating
Wayne’s (I believe we’re on first-name basis now) condo in Kaanapali on the
other side of the island. Janet and
Sasha had loaned us their navy-blue Honda SUV as we had already given them $200
before we even got there (Janet complained they were penniless and couldn’t
even afford food, and so loaning us their car was the least they could do to
pay us back for our gift offering). Brad
helped me haul the massage table (which Janet graciously loaned me) up to the
second floor overlooking the beach; and then he left to do a few loads of
laundry for Janet and me. The surrealism
of being in Wayne Dyer’s personal space looking at the delightful photos of his
personal family overwhelmed me with a mixture of reverence and romance. The sensual tantric session was well
delivered and received. I also delivered
to Wayne a gallon of ionized/alkaline water from the Alive and Well health food store in Wailuku along with their
newsletter concerning the health benefits of alkaline waterI was determined to
put him on my own Cancer Therapy Regime come hell or high water. I was convinced that “the Spirit” had brought
us together for a purpose—perhaps yet to be discovered. But for now he was my “personal assignment
from God” since I’d sent out so many prayers and conducted prayer circles for
his healing. He was just too important a
figure in the future “shift” of the planet to “escape” before his time. Upon leaving,
I courteously handed Wayne copies of my two previous Heartsong Newsletters which mentioned
him and asked him to edit anything out before I published them.
On Sunday, Martin returned to New York on an early
flight, which left Brad and I time for the beach. We’d heard they had a regular Sunday
gathering at Little Beach (a local nude beach) which included
skinny-dipping, dancing, drumming, fire-dancing and general “naturist”
frolicking. But we got “ambushed” in the
morning by a “therapy session” with Janice (one of Janet’s former lovers) and
Will (Janice’s former lover and now friend) as we were moving in the direction
of the door. We witnessed for the
first-time an unsuccessful “Spark Withhold Technique” as the conversation
between Janet and Janice disintegrated into a gnarly, angry, acting out session. Janice and Will left disgruntled just as
Debbie (another tantric debutante) arrived.
Debbie, an attractive LPN who worked with patients to
lose weight before undergoing surgery, was interested in tantra and holistic
health. She was surprisingly older than
both Janet and me and was very open to discuss all of our poly/tantra/health
concepts. I mentioned to Brad that we
had agreed to meet Jor-El (someone we’d met at the Thanksgiving gathering) at
the beach by 3:00 and it was now well past that time; so we made arrangements
to meet Debbie and her girlfriend at the beach later on. The Little
Beach Celebration was one-der-fully refreshing and delightful…and just
downright fun! Just what we needed after
being cooped-up inside all week filming!
We never did see Debbie even though she claimed she got there just
before sunset. What can I say? Maui’s like that!
Second Week—Monday
morning we’d planned to help Janet clean out one of the bungalows which was an absolute disaster after a tenant had
lived there with a large Collie with fleas (the entire place had to be
bug-bombed). We needed to move all of
our things out of the bungalow we were currently staying in because Janet had
rented it to a friend who had been kicked out of her apartment for illegal
drug-use. But again we got ambushed this
time by Sasha who invited us to experience his three-hour Entheogen Breathwork session.
Janice and Steve (a tantric student who had rented a bungalow for three
weeks to participate in one of the Lessins’ $3,000 Tantra Certification
Courses) had already arrived that morning and we were invited to join
them. Sasha, who had his PHD in
Anthropology, then began a brief introduction on the therapeutic value of
entheogens (LSD was his “drug” of choice) during his three-hour “guided
psychotropic journey.” Janice and Steve
then informed us that they had already dropped three—yes I said three—hits of acid along with a hit of
ecstasy and were “flying high” so to speak.
We were then encouraged to share our own personal feelings and
experiences concerning the use of entheogens—which I finally looked up on the
internet Wikipedia as I unsure of the
definition:
An entheogen
("God inside us,” en εν- "in, within," theo θεος- "god,
divine," -gen γενος "creates, generates"), in the strict sense,
is a psychoactive
substance used in a religious, psychotherapeutic,
recreational, shamanic,
or spiritual
context. Historically, entheogens were mostly derived from plant sources and have
been used in a variety of traditional religious contexts. With the advent of
organic chemistry, there now exist many synthetic substances with similar psychoactive
properties, many derived from these plants. Entheogens can supplement many
diverse practices for healing, transcendence, and revelation,
including: meditation,
psychonautics,
art projects, and psychedelic therapy.
Entheogens
have been used in a ritualized
context for thousands of years; their religious significance is well
established in anthropological and modern evidences. Examples of traditional
entheogens include: kykeon,
ambrosia,
iboga,
soma, peyote, bufotenine,
and ayahuasca.
Other traditional entheogens include cannabis, ethanol,
ergine,
psilocybe mushrooms, and opium. Many pure active
compounds with psychoactive properties have been isolated from
organisms and chemically synthesized, including LSD, mescaline,
psilocin/psilocybin,
DMT, salvinorin A
and ibogaine.
Entheogens may be compounded
through the work of a shaman or apothecary in a tea, admixture, or potion like
ayahuasca or bhang.
More
broadly, the term entheogen is used to refer to any psychoactive
substances when used for their religious or spiritual effects, whether or not
in a formal religious or traditional structure. This terminology is often chosen
to contrast with recreational use of the same substances.
Spiritual effects of psychedelic compounds have been demonstrated
scientifically, as seen in the Marsh Chapel Experiment. Research is
limited due to drug prohibition, however entheogenic plants
sometimes have separate legislation from their active
ingredients.
I then shared my own very
limited experiences with Cannabis, Peyote and Shrooms, which I’d only done
once or twice since I can achieve profound states of ecstasy and enlightenment
through tantra practices, meditation and Quantum Light Breathwork. (Admittedly, last summer Brad and I did enjoy
a remarkable healing experience doing Shrooms together.) So I wasn’t opposed to trying something new
(I’d never “dropped” LSD or Ecstasy before, although many of my friends and
family members had) but after Brad’s long discourse regarding his extensive background with “illegal
man-made drugs” I certainly had my misgivings about Sasha’s psychotropic journey. Before committing to the journey, Brad and I
excused ourselves and had our own private discussion concerning whether or not
we wanted to join in, and we both came to the same conclusion that we didn’t
like the “fruits” of what we had observed in others who had done
chemically-altered entheogens—present company included. But enough said about that!
So we simply opted to join
the group in experiencing just the “breathwork” part of the journey which ended
up being a very boring three hours of listening to Sasha’s emporium of psychedelic
music medley. I felt I’d wasted my
entire day and Brad (who does intense breathwork already on his own) nearly
passed out after hyperventilating for nearly three hours straight. The only value I found from the whole
experience was when we were asked to draw a picture of what we had experienced,
I had this image of this Blue Jay (J. Bird) in a gilded cage with a censored
cross going through the middle of it. I
felt after three hours of “silent” meditation (silent in the sense that we
couldn’t speak) that it was reminiscent of how I’d spent my entire life being
censored from “doing my own thing and singing my own heartsong.” DUH—ya think!
The next day, Tuesday, we
spent cleaning out the absolute atrocity of a bungalow which had been left for
over a month untouched after being “bug-bombed.” There were still remains of food in the
refrigerator (Brad got to clean that out which he called a “science project”)
and the carpet needed to be steam-cleaned three times with strong pet-smell
remover (Brad got that job as well) which still smelled like a wet dog a week
later. I cleaned out the remainder of
the bungalow which included removing all of the garbage, scrubbing down the
bathroom (which was absolutely disgusting beyond belief), sweeping and mopping
floors, polishing windows and mirrors, and dusting the mold, dog hair and dust
which was hanging on everything including the overhead fans (and Janet didn’t
have any rubber gloves to offer us to boot!).
We then loaded all of the bedding, curtains, cushions, and clothing into
laundry baskets and Hefty garbage bags to take to the Laundry Mat the next day—while we were again in Lahaina—the
touristy town next to Kaanapali.
Brad volunteered to do
laundry again while I did another tantric session with Wayne Dyer. But Brad wasn’t much of a “Happy Camper” with
me that afternoon after I shared with him some intimate details concerning our
session. We’d already discussed the fact
that Wayne and I had some incredible tantric
(energy weaving) feelings between us that we both wanted to explore; and I
assumed when Brad left with the remark “take your time and enjoy yourselves” he
was giving us full permission to do just that.
But again I “assumed” (making an “ass” out of “u” and “me”) too
much. But enough said about that!
We then “chilled-out” by
going to Walmart, Ross and K-mart to pick out new bedding, dishes,
cushions, rugs, wall-hangings and other
sundry items to decorate “our new bungalow” with. Janet and Sasha had indicated that this would
be our permanent, private bungalow which we could make into our own personal
space for all the exhaustive work, effort, time and money we had both provided
during the past week or so. We had “high
hopes” of returning back to Maui after the holidays with some of our “strong
sons” to continue the extensive process of renovating and also getting the
first “Sacred Matrix” temple site on line.
After we got back, Brad
felt he needed some “alone time” with me before leaving on his Redeye flight back to Las Vegas; and so
we spent the rest of the evening fixing up “our place,” Christening it (I’ll
let you use your imagination), and sharing a bottle of wine to romantically
toast to our new place. We then went
upstairs to the Lessins’ to spend our last few remaining hours together in an
interesting conversation with Janet, Sasha and Debbie (the attractive RN who
had returned for a private tantric session with Sasha) who also had a Redeye flight to LA an hour earlier than
Brad’s. Brad was consequently “hijacked”
into driving Debbie to the airport an hour earlier than anticipated via her
rental car as she was hinting for some help with her luggage (and frankly I was
feeling rather exhausted and relieved that I didn’t have to drive Brad clear to
the airport that late). BTW—Brad really shows up for people in spite of
the so-called “emotional abuse” he endures.
And you wonder why we’re still married?!
The rest of the week I
spent helping Janet with cooking, organizing, doing dishes, moving furniture,
cleaning out other bungalows, and chauffeuring her and Sasha to doctors,
lawyers and shopping excursions. I
didn’t mind it so much except Janet expected me to pay for everything—including all
the gas! She even wanted me to pay for her lawyer’s appointment which involved
filing for bankruptcy as a last resort in defending their rights to their now
“adversarial possession” of the land. I went
to the attorney’s office simply wanting to ask her attorney how much he would
charge to defend my case in court as Janet had mentioned he had similar cases
that he’d won. He offered to do it for a
whopping $100,000 with a $50,000 retainer fee!
I grimaced at the outrageous price as I’d already been offered by an
excellent defense attorney in Salt Lake to take my case for $15,000 total. What a joke!
Who do these lawyers think they are anyway—God! (Don’t bother answering that!)
I also chauffeured Janet
and me to two community consciousness-raising meetings on Thursday and Friday
evening with some of the other Poly/Tantric folks we’d met on
Thanksgiving. A few of them (including
Jor-El who I gave a complimentary Ananda
Nirvana massage to before the “Spark” meeting) lived at a “temple” located
near Kihei about 45 minutes away. It was
actually two large homes owned by a successful entrepreneur named Blaze, and
when I first set eyes on Blaze, I knew I’d either met him before in this life,
or in a past life—or perhaps in a lucid dream as he seemed very familiar to
me. And there was definitely an
energetic tantric connection between us…OMG!
I enjoyed the Spark and Forum meetings which included each person getting a one-minute turn
to “get real” and share their honest feelings with the group about whatever was
on their mind. When it came my turn, I
talked about my reputation of being “naked as a J. Bird” and what that meant to
me and my poly friends in Utah. I shared
about my Sunday “Church of the Hot Springs” meetings where everyone “got naked
and got real.” I also admitted that some
of my friends couldn’t handle my “naked honesty” and were no longer in my
circle of friends; while others truly appreciated it for what it was—showing up
transparent. I also expressed my desire
to begin Forum meetings with my own
group of poly friends as I felt that it was a good way to heal separations and
come into oneness through honest communication.
After the one-minute share,
whoever wanted to could get up and share another three-minute monologue on
whatever subject they desired. Hey, how
could I resist a chance to get “up-front and center-stage” to a captive
audience? And so I gave a three-minute
acting-out session on “shit” and “shift”
and about how we are dumped “shit” on from the moment we are born and
continue to be downloaded “shit” all of our lives until we become adult enough
to realize that our “belief systems” are all based on nothing but “shit.” But instead of trying to get rid of all the
shit by flushing it down the toilet (I shared my famous wordplay that the only
difference between the word “shit” and “shift” is the “f” which stands for
“flush”) we choose to throw our shit around on everyone else by being in a
constant state of “catharsis” (a new word I picked-up meaning “purging of the
emotions, as through the arts of psychotherapy”). When are we ever going to be done with all of
this perpetual catharsis and move on
to enjoy a life of fully awakened, fully alive, present-moment bliss?! I was applauded and a few members of the
audience asked if they could “mirror” my session (which is part of the process)
which I agreed to. I laughed
hysterically when LaJon acted out sitting on a toilet, straining to take a
shit, flushing it and then looking down into the toilet and exclaiming, “Oh,
shit—it didn’t all go down!”
On the way home from the
Friday Forum meeting Janet happened
upon an e-vite sent to her blackberry phone concerning a benefit event for one
of the other temples in Maui—The Temple
of Peace—where Wayne Dyer would be presenting his movie The Shift. (Details in flyer below.)
|
||
|
Janet had never seen Dr.
Dyer’s movie The Shift (nor had she ever
been to any of his presentations for
that matter) and so I encouraged her to go.
She said she couldn’t afford the $60 dinner/movie donation and so I
volunteered to pay her way as another generous gift offering to her. She then agreed and the next morning we
booked the tickets on-line.
Saturday, we decided to go
to the local Swap Meet in Wailupu as
Janet wanted to introduce me to Edguardo, a male massage therapist who rented a
bungalow from her but practiced massage there at the Swap Meet (which I found
curious). She also wanted to find out
the cost to set up a booth advertising our first “Sacred Matrix” landed temple
site. We both had visions of using the Swap Meet as a venue for advertising the
new website, tantric classes and services.
I also reminded Janet that I needed to stop at the post-office to mail
off Christmas-shopping money to my three children in Montana along with $200
for their cell phone bill. (Thanks to
Wayne’s generous $500 gift donation, I was able to do just that!) I then felt to text Wayne informing him that
Janet and I were thinking about attending “his benefit” and would it be awkward
for him. He immediately text back that
“it would be fine.”
So Sunday afternoon (after
doing an Ananda Nirvana session with
Steve for a jewelry trade), we headed for the Prince Hotel in Kihei (which wasn’t far from the other “temple”
we’d been to the other two nights) to catch the shuttle to Joe Sugarman’s
Estate on the Makena Peninsula. We
picked up Jor-El on the way as he was carless and nearly penniless after paying
the $20 donation for the movie. But
there was plenty of food from the “10-course gourmet vegan/vegetarian dinner”
to share with Jor-El (who personifies Superman’s father who is his
namesake—BTW). There were a few “awkward moments” when Wayne introduced me to
his girlfriend as his “therapist” and she was introduced to me as his
“friend.” In spite of the inconvenience
we were able to steal an “alone moment” after the movie where we kissed (I do sometimes
kiss and tell) and he booked another tantric session on the following Friday,
the day of my departure.
I admittedly felt like a
twitterpated teenager the following day (what
a great feeling that is at 53!)
with romantic reveries of the night before—the breathtaking tropical setting,
the romantic sunset across the ocean, the entertaining performers, the
intoxicating music, the ecstatic dancing on the lawn, the inspiring movie, the
delicious food and, of course, Wayne’s enigmatic presence. Janet, Jor-El and I had secured “front-row
spots” on the lawn so I could do my own “star-gazing” lying back on our
blanket/towel/coat tapestry. The oceanic
night breezes had made the lawn cool and damp, so we ended up in a “cuddle
puddle” to keep warm as we watched The
Shift together until nearly midnight.
I didn’t look at the clock but I think we finally arrived home at around
1 a.m.—but what a truly enchanting evening it was!
Third Week—Monday morning I awoke with a start. I had an alarming lucid dream (I have them
often, but this was more like a nightmare!) where Wayne and I were standing on
the beach together romantically embracing when a huge tsunami hit us full force
and we were both killed instantly! It
was a dream straight out of the movie Inception
(which I purchased Saturday to watch later in the week) where they are awakened
from their dream-state either by a sudden jolt (kick) or by being killed. I’d been awakened by both. I decided to turn on
my lamp and read from The Vortex by
Abraham/Hicks to calm some of the left-over anxiety. I turned to the chapter I was reading
entitled “Sexuality, and the Law of Attraction: Sexuality, Sensuality, and the
Opinions of Others” and read the following paragraphs on page 119:
Even
though your societies have imposed endless rules or laws regarding your sexual
behavior, many more of you break those rules—and always have broken those
rules—than keep them. That is because
your Non-Physical impulses are so strong.
If your government, or some controlling agency were to tell you that you
were no longer allowed to eat food—your natural impulses of survival would
prevail, and you would find a way to eat.
You and
your world do not need this book in order to free your behavior from the
binding laws and rules and misunderstanding about sexuality, because your
natural impulses are so strong that you really are not behaving as if you feel
bound by them. In other words, your
natural instincts and impulses are so strong that they then measure your
behavior against those unrealistic rules that have been created from your place
of attempting to control behaviors. In
other words, you behave naturally, but then you feel bad about it.
Your societies will never find the happiness they see—or
know the deliciousness of true freedom—as long as they believe in controlling
the behavior of one another. It is the
control of your thought, and the alignment with your Broader Perspective, that
you are really seeking.
What about When Society Disapproves
Of Sexual Individuality?
Jerry: So what if
you feel good when you think about a specific action, but when you consider
what others think about your action, you don’t feel good? Then what would you suggest?
Abraham: We would
say that now you are off track because you are attempting to guide your actions
by the opinions of others outside of you, when the only guidance that counts is
the Guidance that you feel as your thought, in the moment, harmonizes—or does
not harmonize—with the Broader Perspective of your Source.
I
then texted Wayne “Did you read my articles? I just read page 119 in the vortex by the hicks.
Very interesting!” Even though it was
only 6:00 in the morning, I knew Wayne got up early to meditate. In the meantime, I did my own private tantric
session using the beautiful egg-shaped rose quartz crystal I’d traded with
Steve which he’d purchased in India. He
said “the tantrikas there in India
used these particular stones to raise their own kundalini energies.” And
BTW...I knew precisely how to use it as I’d done so on many occasions with my
own personal stone phalluses at home.
Enough said on that subject—or
not!
After
an hour or so of pleasuring myself, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a
phone call from Wayne. He mentioned he
enjoyed reading the Hicks’ work as he felt they were “right on target on just
about every subject”. He also shared
that he’d read my two articles and was really impressed. “You’re a very good
writer with an easy-to-read and entertaining flow. I also enjoy your candidness.” Now coming from my favorite author, Wayne Dyer,
that was indeed a compliment! I wanted
to mention my dream (or nightmare) to him, but we were cut short by an incoming
phone call from his daughter. He
promised to call me back later—but never did—oh well. L
The
next day, Tuesday, Paul, one of the Poly/Tantra folks we’d met on Thanksgiving
(and who was at both Forum meetings and
also The Shift event) showed up to
hang around and help us with all the work that needed to be done. He was interested in creating an Association of Maui Intentional Communities
(AMIC) and presented his ideas to Janet, Sasha and me that evening which he
later wrote up and I posted below (contact Paul at 415-497-0935 for more information concerning AMIC):
Idea mostly formed Wednesday, 12/1/10,
while driving and while talking with Karin via phone.
Mission
statement: To inspire, conceive, create, sustain and cross-pollinate
Intentional Communities on Maui.
“desire, conceive, gestate, birth, nurture
and grow”
The Association of Maui Intentional
Communities (AMIC) is a meta-community.
·
A
community about communities!!
·
A
communities incubator
·
“Inspire”—reach
out to the local communities, the general island population and the entire
world with our programs: “Community is possible. Communities are forming here
now.”
·
“Conceive”—gather
inspired people into one or more proto-communities where they can get actual
experience in community living with each other. Certificates for various time
periods: three months, six months, a year, etc.
·
“Create”—
develop the dozen or so practices that allow community to form and grow
o
ZEGG
Forum--Paul
o
NVC
practice groups—Becky?
o
Living
Love/Ken Keyes—Ron, Amrita (?)
o
Psychdrama/gestalt—Ron,
Jor-el, Susan D. (video feedback)
o
Mark/Spark
group—Gary
o
Work
parties
o
Community
gardens—South Maui Sustainable (SMS)
o
Alternative
energy—SMS, Chris Mentzel (?)
o
Celebrations/Fun
events—the Incorrigibles
o
Problem
solving process
o
Conflict
resolution process
—develop training facilities and staff to
support these processes
—enroll candidate community members
—certify graduates
·
“Sustain”—provide
communities infrastructure
o
Continue
processes under “Create”
o
Legal
structure and collective bargaining
o
Zoning
issues
o
Health
insurance
o
Property
insurance
o
Accounting
§ Payroll
§ Accounts receivable
§ Accounts payable
o
Heavy
and/or expensive equipment, not used full time by any community
§ Tractor
§ Trailer
§ Backhoe
§ Bull Dozer
—support ongoing community experiments
o
Temple
of Tantra
o
Hale
Akua
o
Twin
Falls
o
Temple
of Peace
o
Blue
Moutain
o
Mark(?)
Sheehan
o
Tanmayo
o
Vision
Dancer
o
----------------------------
Maybe?
o
Todd
o
Spirit/Snow/Dearborn
o
Kutira
and Rafael
o
Swaroop
o
Joan
Hartfeld
—balance and buffer various communities
o
Provide
a place for members of a community to work out issues about that community
outside of that community but still within the association of island
communities.
o
Provide
any mediation needed between communities
·
Cross-pollinate”
o
provide
support for inter-community visits for members, so they can move around the
island and still maintain deep connections.
o
Sponsor
community workday parties, where we gather at a different community each month
to provide service and gain acquaintance with that community and each other.
Organizational
Structure
Non-profit: 501(c)3 status
Final Authority: Paul. The buck stops here.
Proto-Board of Directors: Paul, G (?), B
(?), N (?)
Media Oversight Committee: Paul, G (?), B
(?)
Celebration Committee: Paul, D, B, G
CFO: Paul—until find suitable replacement
CEO: Paul
Get a big house and start living this!
Membership
Communities should be membership
organizations with right to cancel all membership privileges, including
residency, immediately, not to have to wait 45 days.
AMIC will create a comprehensive, standard
membership application, and maintain a suitably secured membership database,
including anonymous statistical summaries. Individual communities may have an
additional membership application to their communities, which AMIC can and
would like to support for them, to increase the depth of data in the db.
Two ways to avoid tenant-landlord
relationship.
1)
Have
candidate member maintain his/her own residence “in town” with legal space and
postal address. This is the candidate’s residence. Any time spent at the
community is as a guest.
2)
The
candidate member is a member of AMIC, not the community. As such, residency is
up to the candidate, outside of the community. Again, time spent at the
community is strictly as a guest.
Make finances transparent: post every
transaction in an online spreadsheet!
I thought Paul’s ideas were brilliant and could be
incorporated in the context of our worldwide “Sacred Matrix” ideas. He felt the Lessins’ land would be the ideal
place to start an intentional community on as it was a hidden location in the
green-belt and had an excellent water source—an undeveloped stream coming
straight out of the Maui Rain Forest.
But he first wanted to get “his hands wet” in experiencing community-building
with the three of us; so he offered to help with the workload in exchange for
his stay there.
First off, Janet instructed
us to move beds and furniture from two different locations—and also move
furniture from the basement storage area (which was an absolute nightmare if
you’re afraid of spiders and spider webs) as she needed to get two more
bungalows ready for Paul and a newly arriving guest, Sophia, to stay. Paul and I worked our butts off all Wednesday
morning while Janet went into town with Sasha for another acupuncture treatment
with Collin, a Naturopathic Doctor friend.
I’d scheduled Collin, the likable ND, for a tantric session (when I met
him the previous week) that afternoon at 3:30.
I was dripping wet with
sweat when the three of them returned from town and Sasha begged off his 2:00
psychotherapy session with Collin, asking me to go ahead with mine while he
took a “much-needed rest.” I was feeling
a bit overwhelmed and frustrated by now, but I was still somewhat sympathetic
to Sasha’s difficult recovery. And so I
took a quick shower and did a full hour and a half Ananda Nirvana session with Collin—who absolutely loved it!
Sasha was really struggling
with pain as he had “accidentally overdosed” on his prescribed Oxycontin and was now trying to quit
these dangerous pharmaceutical pain meds “cold turkey.” He then began “self-medicating” with frequent
doses of Cannabis (Janet claimed he had a script-card) which made him extremely
volatile, spacey and lethargic. But I
didn’t blame him as every time he had to urinate (which was about every
half-hour) everyone around would cringe to hear him in the bathroom groaning in
absolute agony. It made both Janet’s and
my heart break to hear him in such agonizing pain and even though I offered to
help him with natural remedies (such as alkaline water and coffee enemas to
eliminate the acid condition causing his pain) and also some herbal healing
ointment for the affected areas; he felt he could get it under control himself. Janet and Sasha did agree to start drinking
alkaline water (we found a good source at the Alive and Well health food store) as Janet was suffering from large
gall stones. I kindly mentioned that feelings of bitterness and pride were the
emotional “charges” around gall bladder issues. I also put Wayne on the water which meant
going into town every few days to fill up our glass gallon jugs; and so I
envisioned bringing my own Water for Life
Ionized/Alkalized Water Machine the
next time I came over to Maui, which I anticipated the first week or so in
January after the holidays.
Wednesday evening at 7:00
Sophia was due to arrive at the airport; and I convinced Paul to go with Janet
and me as a substitute driver. When the
three of us arrived, Janet jumped out of the car to locate Sophia according to
her description—short, stout, with long blonde hair—a carbon-copy of
Janet. About 15 minutes later, Janet
showed up with Sophia minus her luggage, which the airline had mysteriously
redirected to another airport. Paul
placed her carry-on in the trunk and we sped back home with Brad on speaker
phone listening to our animated conversation (which had become part of Brad’s
nightly routine while he was in Salt Lake and I was in Maui). Sophia (who I secretly nicknamed
“Jabberwocky”) talked incessantly the entire time we were driving. She was convinced that she was in “direct
communication with the Alien Starship” as she could record conversations from
the so-called “aliens” via her do-it-yourself computer-generated program that
could record “white noise” which she claimed she could dissect into “audible
messages.”
When we all got back to Synergy Farms (the name of Janet and
Sasha’s property) she gave us a demonstration on her computer. She recorded some “white noise” at Janet and
Sasha’s place and then used her computer program to dissect it into radio-wave
transmissions which could be shown on her computer screen as glyphs or
graphs. When she took out the higher and
lower frequency “background noises” (which is what I thought white noise was anyway)
she came up with some guttural sounds which might be mistaken for voices
although not a single word was audible.
Paul rolled his eyes once too many times, argued with her about the
unscientific basis for her theory (he was a computer applications designer
who graduated with degrees in math and computer science) and then abruptly left for his room. I stayed for another hour or so listening to
Sophia expound on how the aliens were trying to “mind-control” us all by this
method and were also trying to eliminate her by focusing “laser microwaves” at
her. She then pulled up her pant leg to
reveal a huge white patch of what looked like a bad case of eczema. Now, I’ve got to admit that I’m pretty
open-minded about almost everything but
I seriously couldn’t wrap my mind around anything
she was saying; my mind went on “tilt” and I had to slip off to bed after
falling asleep twice trying to listen to her.
The next day Paul and I
opted for some skinny-dipping at Little Beach as we both felt we needed some
“grounding” after last night’s “outer limits” presentation. Janet tried to get Sophia to go with us in
order to “ground” but she opted out because her swimsuit was in her other bag
even though we told her it was a nude beach.
Admittedly, we were both relieved by Sophia’s decision to stay, but it
was evident that even Janet’s patience was wearing thin trying to comprehend
anything she was saying even though Janet was heavily into all of the “alien
stuff.” (I won’t go into all of that
here as it would take an entire article to cover that subject ;-)
The weather was overcast
and the tide was high as a storm was heading our direction. Paul and I got
slammed into the surf once too many times by some enormous waves trying to nude
bodysurf. Wet and exhausted, we collapsed
on our beach towels just as Brad called on my cell phone (which Janet insisted
on us bringing just in case Sasha or she had a medical emergency and needed the
car). Paul was in a “disclosure mood” with
the two of us listening (Brad on the cellphone), so we spent the next hour or
so discussing the “intricate challenges of the Lessins’ Poly/Tantra Intentional
Community Project.” I can’t go into all
the details here (I promised Paul to keep it between the three of us) but you
can believe Brad and I got an earful. We
weren’t a bit surprised, however, as a few red flags had already gone up
knowing the fact that Janet had just filed bankruptcy on their property and was
anxious for our friend, Garth, to “get on board” to “bail them out.” Garth claimed he had the money to do it but
was taking a “wait and see” attitude toward the whole project before he was
ready to “jump in.” Paul recommended we
look for other property investments before committing anything or anyone else
to the Lessins’ project. Brad and I both
agreed to sit down with an attorney in order to get full disclosures before
getting any more involved.
I dropped Paul off at his
condo in Kihei and then stopped at the airport to retrieve Sophia’s luggage for
her. It was large and heavy so I figured
she was planning to stay for awhile. The
dark jungle was a bit eerie as I rolled Sophia’s luggage up the unlit concrete
path to her bungalow where she was busy recording “white noise” and then went
to the Lessins’ to return their car keys.
Sasha was in bed already and Janet was lonely. She suggested I eat dinner (which Sasha had
fixed) and watch a movie with her. I
told her I needed to take a shower and when I returned, Sophia had joined
her. The three of us ate dinner and then
made a comfortable futon bed with pillows and cushions to watch Inception. Sophia only lasted about 10 minutes into the
show (I can only speculate why) and Janet finally turned the movie off before
it ended complaining it was getting too long and complicated for her. I was okay about ending the movie early as I
was exhausted and it was my second viewing.
I headed to my bungalow by the light of my tiny keychain flashlight and
collapsed into bed.
Early the next morning I
went upstairs to cook breakfast for everyone (which had become my usual
routine) and start some coffee. (I’d
already done my “coffee enema cleanse” that morning so I was in tip-top shape
for the day.) I had an appointment with
Wayne in Kaanapali at 2:00 so I did have some time for conversation with Sophia
who arrived at around 10:00 for breakfast.
Even Sasha joined us for my now famous breakfast omelet and then headed
into town for another acupuncture treatment with Collin.
The three of us chatted for
awhile in the “twilight zone” and then decided to have a “prayer circle” to try
and clear-up some of the “negative alien energy” that Janet claimed was
“floating about.” She asked me to offer
the prayer (which I was grateful to do) wherein I called in the Christ light to
surround us with white light to shield us with protection. I then cast out any dark entities or ungodly
spirits in the name of Jesus Christ and offered them a choice to either go
towards the light for healing or go back into the dark abyss from whence they
came. After my sincere words of prayer,
Sophia turned to me and remarked, “Do you feel better now?” in somewhat
sarcastic overtones. She then shared
“her facts” that “her God was a mulatto (half black, half white) Gargoyle which
came into her room at night to make love to her. And that in one of her previous lives she was
Lillith who copulated with Lucifer in order to create the Lillithians.” She mocked my “childish beliefs” in Jesus
Christ and said sooner or later I would find out the truth about who the gods
of this world were. I then shared with
her that I had direct communication with the Elohim who were the enlightened
Gods actually in control of the planet but allowed us our free-agency to
“channel” whatever “astral spirits” we chose.
It was nearing 1:00 and I excused myself to go, but by the time I left
for Kaanapali, I was feeling somewhat spooked by all of it.
The 45-minute drive to
Wayne’s condo (with the windows down) helped me air out my head and gain some
perspective and composure. When I
arrived I had to park in the parking plaza as Brad wasn’t there to drop me off
and help carry up my massage table (I was really
beginning to miss him by now). Wayne
offered to help carry up my table but we missed each other in the crossing
elevators. I also managed to bring in
two grocery bags full of coffee-enema supplies.
He’d been apprised of the value of “colon-irrigation therapy” by his
friends from the Temple of Peace who
specialized in colonics so it wasn’t like he was a “virgin” to the idea. He wanted to save the “therapy talk” for
later and jump right into the tantric session, but I insisted that we sit down
on the couch for my usual “disclosure conversation” which is a lot less awkward
“before the fact” than “after the fact.”
It is the universal
dichotomies we all face each and every day of our lives—are we ruled by our
“true nature” or do we allow “others to rule over us?” This time we chose the later which felt extremely unnatural and challenging. But we both felt by choosing to include the
feelings of all parties involved that we ultimately step into what I discovered to
be “The Holy Vortex” which represents the “oneness” that we are all part
of. That is the balance or integration
between the “natural self” and the “higher self” or, in other words—the selfish
and unselfish aspects of our divine character.
After the session, I
unloaded all of the coffee enema ingredients from the two grocery bags and
quickly jotted down the 3-part instructions on a piece of paper as I’d left the
copies of the “official instructions” along with some internet information
concerning The Gerson Cancer Therapy
at my bungalow in my rush to leave. I
then asked Wayne for his address to mail him the original copies—along with my
three books—Heartsong, Heart Wide Open,
and Becoming One—the journey toward God—if he promised to read them. He said he’d “love to read my books” and then
offered to help me pack up my massage table and haul it out to Janet’s vehicle
for me. As we were packing up the table,
I noticed a copy of The Vortex by the
Hicks on his coffee table, and I secretly smiled at his responsiveness. I responded in kind by declining his offer
for help in hauling out my massage table and hurried so I wouldn’t run into his
daughter who’d just called saying she was on her way back from shopping.
I secretly stalled going
back to Janet’s as I didn’t want to get into another “outer limits”
conversation with Sophia; so I decided to stop at the laundry mat to do some
last minute laundry (I had a few items of clothing to wash before packing them)
and fill up one more gallon jar of alkaline water for Janet and Sasha as a
parting gesture. Janet called while I
was in town (Wailuku) and asked me to pick up four loaves of her favorite herb
bread. The total cost came to over
$20—which I again paid for but was feeling a bit taken advantage of by
now. But I consciously chose to replace
those discordant feelings with feelings of gratitude for the warm hospitality
and gracious friendship that Janet and Sasha had offered Brad and me while we
were there—which turned everything we offered back into a sincere gift of
gratitude.
My flight was scheduled for
11:00 pm so I figured I’d spend my last few hours with Janet and Sasha before
leaving. I deposited my laundry on the
bed, and then went upstairs to find Janet facilitating a “session” with Richard
(someone who channeled a character named “Kartron”) and Sophia. Janet waved for me to come back later as they
were “smack dab in the middle of it.” I
went back to my bungalow to shower and pack up my things. As I was packing my small carry-on bag the
Spirit kept whispering for me to pack all of the rest of my stuff in my large
suitcase; but I argued that I didn’t want to spend the extra $25 to check in an
extra bag as most everything else was summer clothing and I’d be coming back
within a month. In fact, I wanted to
leave my “stuff” there as a guarantee that I would be “allowed” back.
I then went back up to the
Lessins’ bungalow to hopefully spend the last hour or so with Janet and
Sasha. Sasha had retired to bed early
(as usual) and Richard had now transformed himself into the flamboyant,
flaming-gay reptilian-like character of Kartron (or more precisely the
personification of the Gollum/Sméagol character in J.R.R. Tolkien’s book The Hobbit) who I was now introduced to.
Whereas Sophia was remarkably the
personification of the “Sophia” character in many of the recently discovered Gnostic Gospel texts (primarily The
Gospel of Truth) who represented “wisdom” or the “feminine personage” of
the Godhead who had fallen from grace to languish mercilessly in the underworld
until Christ, her Redeemer, came to save her from her fallen state. Sophia or “wisdom” was also the feminine
aspect in the first two manifest sephirah
in the Kabbalic Tree of Life which when balanced with “understanding”
becomes the “unmanifest sephiroh” of “knowledge.” (Curious coincidence—perhaps that’s why there
isn’t much enlightenment or “knowledge” on this planet because of the “fall of
the feminine aspect of wisdom from grace”—or the suppression of wisdom in my
case ;-) BTW—this is all covered in my
most recent book, Becoming One—the
journey toward God.
I watched from a safe
distance on the futon-couch what could best be described as “a circus side-show
act” as Janet tried to facilitate the animated exchange between two colorful
characters from the astral plane. I was
reminded (once again) of how easily the “split psyche” can be trapped in the
astral plane where “unclean entities” and mischievous “familiar spirits” wreck
havoc and chaos for their own pleasure and purposes. It was somewhat entertaining for awhile, but
I think even Janet was relieved when I interrupted her for a ride to the
airport. She excused herself from the
theatrics and helped me with her flashlight down the dark concrete path to her
SUV where she insisted (again) that I drive to the airport. We gave each other one last hug as I headed
for US Airways check-in. I only had my carry-on bag with me so I
quickly passed through security to find myself alone on a hard bench waiting
for take-off. My mind was reeling and reveling
at the entertainment I’d encountered on this “Maui adventure down the
rabbit-hole”...but little did I know then how far down this rabbit-hole would go.
Epilogue—After I
returned home (after our incredible Anniversary Celebration in Las Vegas) I was
faced with court on December 15, which my court-appointed attorney, Debbie,
said I didn’t need to attend as she was simply asking for another continuance
date for a Preliminary Hearing. But it’s
a good thing I received her phone message the day before court saying that I
actually did need to be there or I
would be in “contempt.” I was feeling
somewhat “set-up” when someone from the DA’s office arrived and had a long
conference with my attorney who then pressured me into accepting a “plea
bargain” to plead guilty to “unlawful massage.”
Debbie shared with me that “they certainly did not want to take this to trial” and pressured me by saying that she
didn’t think we had a chance to defend this charge in court. I felt like a contestant on TV’s Let’s Make a Deal game where two doors
were visible but I wasn’t sure what was behind Door Number Three. She said “the offer was only on the table for
that day” (which I highly doubted)
and I told her that I needed some time to think about it and perhaps talk to
another attorney. She seemed extremely agitated with me and then
asked the judge to set up another court date for January 18 to await my
decision.
On the way home from court,
I called Janet with the news. She
recommended that I take the plea bargain and “pay my dues” so I could hurry
back to Maui to help her. I was
surprised by her response as the whole idea was to set a legal precedence for
holistic tantra work. I then called
Wayne to see what he thought about the whole situation. After sharing with him that if I pled guilty,
I could hurry back to Maui and continue helping him with his holistic health
therapy needs, he responded, “Well, what does your heart tell you to do?”
“Well, my heart tells me
that this is my purpose in life or darma to
open up people’s hearts and minds to what I consider legitimate holistic health
practices and that’s why I need to receive a ‘not guilty verdict’ so that
holistic healers like myself and men like you don’t have to constantly look over
their shoulders worrying about getting arrested.” He then responded, “Well, then you need to
follow your heart.” I resisted the urge
to mention the fact that if he would go on the witness-stand as a valued client
receiving tantra work, it would certainly strengthen my case immensely—but again he got another
in-coming phone call that he needed to attend to. I thought it was just as well that I not take
advantage of our relationship as it might be too scandalous for his
“high-profile” reputation
And then on December 18 (my own father’s birthday), my 13th
grandchild, Ethan Bradley Miller, was born.
My daughter-in-law, Krista, also went into labor that same day but it
ended up being false labor. Ariel had an easier labor this time around even
though I wasn’t present to help her with her contractions. I’ve decided ever since her’s and Destiny’s
first children, Adaela and Sienna, were born that I’m a better Grandma waiting
to hear the news after the delivery
then being right there with them in the thick of it. After eleven “natural” childbirths of my own,
it’s just too nerve-wracking to be around doctors, hospitals and epidurals. I
tend to be too opinionated about all of it and I’m better off staying out of
the whole process of labor and delivery with my daughters.
After all the excitement
had receded, I sent off a Christmas package to Wayne which included a Mr. Coffeemaker (Excuses BeGone,
Wayne!), my three books—Heartsong, Heart Wide Open and Becoming One—the Journey toward God enveloped in his daughter Tracy’s
original-design Heartsong book-bag, my own Native
American Twelve Days of Christmas Tree
of Life (which included original stories, poems and hand-made ornaments),
my “self-help” curriculum of Kundalini/Tantric
Energy Awakening Course (which I felt
he’d be interested in), a DVD entitled The
Beautiful Truth which was an interesting documentary inspired by a young
home-schooled boy discovering and disclosing The Gerson Cancer Therapy Method (which again, I thought Wayne
would be interested in). I also enclosed
a personal note in a Christmas card (details not included) sharing that I only
felt it was fair that he know who I am before “getting any deeper into a
personal relationship with me.” I wasn’t
willing to be “objectified” as simply his “tantrika” but sincerely wanted him
to know me—someone like himself—who was here “to shift the planet.” I then requested that he let me know when the
package arrived so I knew I hadn’t wasted $77 of my Christmas money sending it
UPS to have it lost at sea like my other books were. (Or at least Janet never said anything about
my books arriving after I left.)
And then a few days later
(after I e-mailed my “beloveds” the first week’s episode of my Maui Magic Newsletter), Janet sent me an
astonishing e-mail about how I offended her and referred to the sentence “Sasha
was recognizable from his latest photo but Janet—well, that’s another story
which I’ll keep ‘short and sweet’ here.”
I thought it was quite innocuous or, in other words, “politically
correct” and confessed that I’d actually “softened the blow” at Brad’s
request. But then her next e-mail to me
was extremely disconcerting entitled “We’re not a match!” Again I tried to appease her hurt feelings by
offering to assist her with her apparent health and weight issues but she was
even more offended by my offer and responded insolently, “I’m sorry you two
don’t find me attractive and so Sasha and me are now dating other people.” I then e-mailed her back that “it was fine
that they were dating other people as I didn’t realize we were ever
‘dating.’ I simply thought we were
getting to know each other in a ‘real’ way in order to see if we could create
an open, honest relationship.”
Unfortunately and remarkably the next few e-mails back and
forth devolved into angry, gnarly nastiness.
As a result, Janet unbelievably resorted to trespassing into my personal
space, boxed up all of my personal belongings, and took them to a storage unit
“off property” for when I could pick them up later “if and when I ever returned
to Maui.” And, she also threatened,
“that if I didn’t come and get them within 30 days she would donate all of it
to charity!” I tried to contact others
from the Poly/Tantra group to help me out by retrieving my things and keeping
them safe for me—but I felt that no one wanted to get involved. I also tried to contact Wayne to at least
apprise him of the current situation—but again no response. It was all extremely hurtful and frustrating
but I finally conceded to myself and Janet “that she was absolutely right—we
weren’t a match on so many chakra or
energy levels that there was no way we could possibly work together in any way,
shape or form.” I suppose Brad summed it
up best when he added his “two-cents worth” in his own personal e-mail to her
and Sasha:
Janet and Sasha
Janae asked me to be included here so I will be
candid and honest also.
I'll admit we are not a match
and I will agree with Janae above. I feel I was used for a filming hype and
doing physical labor along with paying for everything from food to gas and
everything else for the Thanksgiving feast. I also feel it was very deceptive
posting the photos of your selves which honestly no longer resemble who I met.
I have saved everyone from having hurt feelings but I should have been honest
early on by saying I am not physically attracted but always enjoy pleasant
conversation. I really don't feel it is right for you to dump your financial
ills on us and any honest disclosures to give us an informed position from
which to come from have not happened. We have been asked to take on a sinking
ship as Paul and others shared with us. I am truly afraid if Janae and I would
have had real photos and given the whole truth about the sad shape of all the
apartments, court actions, etc. etc. we probably would not have gotten
involved. Now that's being honest. Janae told me that several people from the
area were raising red flags for us to look at and how you throw people off when
you're done with them. Of course I'm very glad you did this now before Janae
& I got any more entangled with your inevitable doom which appears to be
coming fast.
Good luck with your efforts
& I don't mind conversation but anything else is obviously not going to
happen
b bird (hetero-sexual and proud of it)
Janet then
responded in a “Merry Christmas and Peace Offering” e-mail that if we all
agreed to sign a non-disclosure agreement concerning what they actually did
with tantra clients on their land—in other words—what happens in Vegas stays in
Vegas—that they could move forward with us.
But then she disclosed that she also wanted us to pay $1,000/mo plus 10
hours of work a week in order for us to “enter into the outer circle of her Temple of Tantra vortex.” (BTW—Sasha’s voice was mysteriously silent
through all of this as is his usual MO.)
It was now my turn to be offended by her audacity to use my
“divinely inspired ideas” to promote her unethical objectives. I finally petitioned her to give back the
“Sacred Matrix” websites, URLs and pay pal accounts to me as she’d set them up
in Maui under her name. It was my
compassionate desire to move forward with my vision of the Sacred Matrix which included assisting James in protecting others
who were performing authentic “sacred ceremony” under the Okleveuha Native American Church Membership. But Janet refused to cooperate in any way and
stated “that she would work with James independently from me.” I then sent James an e-mail concerning my
feelings about “supporting illegal, unethical and immoral activities under the
banner of ‘tantra’ which serves only to create imbalances in the entire
energetic field or the body’s temple.”
At James’ suggestion, Brad
and I spent Christmas Eve/Day in a Peyote Ceremony which he personally offered
to facilitate. He insisted that “I clear
some of my trapped emotions” before meeting with Summer, the attorney which
he’d already prearranged and set up for the Okleveuha
Native American Church Legal
Defense. (Bless James’ good heart!) He felt I needed to release some of these
negative emotions before meeting with Summer and definitely before I went to
court. And was he ever right!
James came over that
morning at 10:00 with all of his Native American Sacred Ceremony
paraphernalia. He mentioned that he
didn’t know why but “the Spirit” had told him that this was going to be one of the most significant ceremonies that
he’ll ever conduct. He then ceremonially
created an altar on the floor for the three of us to sit around where I was
reminded of the value of creating “sacred space” and then “sealing that space”
with prayer and ceremonial smoke or “smudging.”
It immediately occurred to me that this was what was missing in Sasha’s
entheogen journeys—he hadn’t created “sacred space” and so any type of “unclean
spirit” was allowed—actually invited—to enter.
Brad and I placed photos of our families and I also included Patrick’s
books on the altar in order to include Patrick’s energy inside the sacred
circle. (Patrick BTW was my previous
shamanic beloved who had been murdered by the Illuminate about 12 years
ago. All of his enlightening books are
available through iUniverse Publications.)
As we began the ceremony, I
soon realized (real eyes) that James’ energetic signature was similar to
Kurt’s, my ex, and thus began to trigger all of my unhealed emotions
surrounding him. As I became more and more resistant to James constantly
interrupting me and telling me what to do, at one point I exited the sacred
circle yelling at James to leave as he was nothing but a “Wanabe Shaman.” But Brad gently encouraged me to come back
into the sacred circle as he felt I was simply processing some unhealed
emotions. James then promised to not
interrupt me anymore as I shared my story with him. As I sat there with the strong Peyote
“medicine” churning uncomfortably inside my stomach, my emotions started to
unravel and surface IN A BIG WAY!
I began crying in bitter
agony for all of the injustices that had been dealt me in the name of male
dominance and suppressive religious ideologies.
I cried for all the years living without my children, all the memories
that had been stolen from me because of the cruel out-of-control egotistical
arrogance of my ex-husband, Kurt. I went
deeper still into my own subconscious and became the personification of the
White Buffalo Woman and Mother Earth crying out in agony for their pain. I wept for the millions of buffalo that were
slaughtered on the Great Plains in the name of Pilgrim’s Progress. I cried for all of the Native American
Shamans who had been targeted by the Illuminate disguising themselves as Catholic
Priests, given a “carte de la morte” or “death card” and then brutally murdered. The Native Americans were to be “the keepers
of Mother Earth” and now most, if not all, of their Shamans have been murdered
and their sacred sites destroyed and/or built over by Christian churches in the
name of Christianity. I cried for the
millions of Native Americans who were slaughtered or forced onto reservations
under the guise of “government policy.”
I agonized over what Joseph Smith and Sydney Rigdon had done to their
sacred history by plagiarizing a manuscript called Manuscript Found by Solomon Spalding and marketing it as “a true
history of the Native Americans.” My own
ancestral heritage was based upon this fraudulent act which discredited the
true history of the Native Americans along with their sacred spiritual
practices given to them by the White Buffalo Calf Woman. I cried for all the women who had been hunted
down as witches and hanged or burned at the stake because they stood up for
what they believed in their hearts to be true.
I wept in complete agony for all of the rape and pillage that had been
dealt to our precious Earth Mother for the sake of greed and profit.
I then showed James the birthmark “totem” on my left foot which was a skin tag shaped like a white
buffalo and then related my entire story (as he hadn’t read any of my books) concerning the return of the White Buffalo Woman
which I’d given hm the first time we met.
I reminded him that during the Inquisition (both in Europe and in America) they would seek out women like me with
strange markings on their bodies who were practicing midwives and herbalists
and label them “witches” and either hang them or burn them at the stake. I felt that I had suffered both tortures in
past lives and that’s one reason why I have kept silent and have such a
difficult time verbalizing my “truth.”
I feel that I’m now a victim
of a “modern-day witch-hunt” which often puts me in fear for my life! James remained silent and just kept pouring
the Peyote tea (which was bitter as hell BTW) encouraging me to express all of my unguarded feelings and
emotions.
I anguished in my own
frustration by asking James the questions: “How can I or women or Mother Earth
ever heal ourselves if people still insist on taking advantage of our good
nature in order to use and abuse us? How
can we possibly heal from the wounds when the wounds are continuously being
inflicted upon us? When will Kurt ever
stop punishing me by not letting me have my children for the Christmas Holidays—or
any days for that matter? When will we
as a human family and children of Mother Earth stop desecrating her body for
the sake of our own creature comforts?
How can we possibly begin the healing process of cleansing all of this
toxic crap when it’s still being continuously dumped into our brains, bodies
and spirits?” James didn’t offer a reply
but shed a silent tear along with me and waited in silence for me to complete
the dumping of my own toxic “crap.”
After I felt complete with
my “catharsis” James offered some advice. “When we stop feeling like we’re ‘victims’ of
all this abuse—then we can begin to heal.
Just remember—we are all accountable for the story we’ve created for
ourselves.” I agreed with some of what
James was saying, but then asked, “So wasn’t Christ an ‘innocent victim’ when
they ruthlessly nailed him to the cross?”
I knew the answer before James could reply. “I agree that Jesus willingly ‘chose’ to
sacrifice himself for our sins when he partook of his own ‘bitter cup’ in the
Garden of Gethsemane and then hung on the cross for the atonement
(at-one-ment).” But I reminded James
that everyone is still accountable
for their own actions. That is the only reason I feel I need to plead my case in front of a jury of my
peers—so that everyone who was
involved in my unlawful arrest—is accountable for their actions.
James nodded in agreement that this is the only real reason for us to “fight this in
court.” He then began packing up all of
his sacred ceremonial items to leave. I
pointed to the picture behind him as he stood up to carry his things out to his
car. “See the picture behind you. It’s a puzzle my daughter, Destiny and her
partner, Tyler put together for me last Christmas before I was arrested. I didn’t realize it until today that you are
the eagle that frames the picture as the outside protection of the woman who is
embracing the bubble surrounding the white buffalo. You, James Flaming Eagle
Mooney, are here to protect me from my enemies who want to destroy me.” Again James nodded and smiled, “You’re
absolutely right! Summer, who also has a
warrior spirit, and myself are the warriors who are here to protect the peace
carrier that you are!”
Just then my oldest son,
Jared called and said that he and his very pregnant wife, Krista, and their
four delightful children were coming over for Christmas Eve to visit. James smiled and winked, “See…things are
already starting to improve.” As a
farewell Christmas gift to James, I gave him my last Native American Twelve Days of Christmas Tree of Life along with
the stories that went along with each hand-made ornament. James shed some more tears as he was
extremely touched by my gift. Brad and I
were still pretty “high” from the Peyote and enjoyed Jared and Krista’s
unexpected visit as we talked openly with them about our experience with
James. We all got into the spirit of
Christmas Eve in spite of Krista having to manage my four rambunctious
grandchildren—Caleb, Kiley, Anthony and Kaitlyn as they got into all of
“Grandma’s stuff” in her “secret room” (my sewing/massage room). Krista definitely had her hands full when her
new baby arrived two days after Christmas and they named him River William
King.
And then as another unexpected surprise, my two teenaged
daughters, Kelsey (17) and Jenny (15), miraculously were able to come down
after Christmas in exchange for my buying them a “new” (actually used 1994) Subaru car. Although Kurt still refused to let them stay
with me, we all “fudged” on that agreement realizing how “absolutely ridiculous”
his demands are. We all traveled down to
St. George (including two-year-old Adaela) to spend New Year’s Eve with my
daughter, Ariel, her husband, Brad, their two-year-old daughter, Sienna, and my
new grandson, Ethan. We all had fun
watching movies (although I fell asleep during Step-up 3 which I felt
was a bit too “urban” for my taste) and played our favorite “Bean Card
Game.” They woke me up just in time to
ring in the New Year!
During our drive down and
back I plugged in my favorite CDs entitled Romancing
the 70’s with some of my favorite
love songs by oldie but goodie artists such as The Moody Blues, Roberta Flack,
Kenny Loggins, The Bee Gees, Dan Fogleberg, Jim Croce, Neil Diamond and, of
course my ever-favorite, John Denver. My
two daughters groaned when they couldn’t get any radio reception during the
long four-hour drive, but especially when the Rumi CD came on poetically expressing Rumi’s famous love poems with
Sufi background music. My kundalini always starts swirling when I
listen to this particular CD and I felt myself energetically connecting with
Wayne (who hadn’t called me back or answered my texts since the day of my court
hearing). I finally texted him a note—I respect and honor your silence. I understand L But I couldn’t
help shedding a few emotional tears when Richard Marx’s song came on
sentimentalizing my unexpressed feelings for my beloved Wayne:
Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I then looked over at Brad
who had been a benevolent, uncomplaining chauffeur the entire drive to St.
George and the following song reverberated in the Ford truck cab describing our
“eternal love”:
My love, I'll never find the words, my love
To tell you how I feel, my love
Mere words could not explain
Precious love
You held my life within your hands
Created everything I am
Taught me how to live again
Only you
Came when I needed a friend
Believed in me through thick and thin
This song is for you
Filled with gratitude and love
God bless you
You make me feel brand new
I sing this song for you
You make me feel brand new
I sing this song cause' you
Make me feel brand new
To tell you how I feel, my love
Mere words could not explain
Precious love
You held my life within your hands
Created everything I am
Taught me how to live again
Only you
Came when I needed a friend
Believed in me through thick and thin
This song is for you
Filled with gratitude and love
God bless you
You make me feel brand new
I sing this song for you
You make me feel brand new
I sing this song cause' you
Make me feel brand new
My love
When others made me insecure
You built me up and made me sure
You gave my pride back to me
Precious friend
In you I’ll always have a friend
You're one on whom I can depend
To walk a path that sometimes bends
Without you
Life has no meaning or rhyme
Like notes to a song out of time
How can I repay
You for having faith in me
God bless you
You make me feel brand new
I sing this song for you
You make me feel brand new
For God blessed me with you
You make me feel brand new
I sing this song for you
You make me feel brand new
For God blessed me with you
I can no longer doubt the
expansiveness of love or what has been misrepresented as “polyamory.” It is so much more than that—it is the true
essence of God—for God is indeed love. I
could feel my heart expand out to all of my children, grandchildren and
beloveds in a swirling “holy vortex” of love.
I then got the “inspiration” (spirit moving within) that this should be
the name of my new website: Holy Vortex as it best expresses what I am destined
to create—a radiant rainbow-colored vortex of love, light and ecstatic
bliss! I became enthusiastic to find a
web-builder to help me with the design when all of these “holy-days” were
complete.
The next day we drove
Kelsey and Jenny up to Idaho Falls to retrieve their “new car” that I’d bought
for them on Craig’s List. Kelsey’s face
turned pale with fear when we both
found out for the first time that the Subaru was a standard 5-speed. “I don’t know how to drive a stick-shift,
Mom!” Kelsey lamented, but Brad and Perry (the owner of the car) reassured her
that she could easily learn. Perry’s
wife, Sandra, came outside in the below-zero weather to join us, listening to
Kelsey and Jenny complain about my purchasing a “stick-shift.” (What can I say? It was the only affordable four-wheel drive
Subaru in the entire Intermountain area!)
The two of us women weren’t as sure as the men that Kelsey could learn
quickly enough to drive the rest of the 8-hour trip home to Montana. But they were faithful “Christians” who owned
a Christian Ministry Ranch and I immediately fell in love with them when they
offered a prayer over the girls “for them to quickly learn how to drive a
5-speed” and called upon their angels to watch over them as they traveled in
safety. (But I still insisted upon a
thirty-minute stick-shift driving lesson as well.) When Kelsey finally felt confident enough to
pull away onto the freeway entrance, my heart soared like a mother bird letting
her fledgling fly for the first time. I
kept in text conversation with Jenny (her co-pilot) the entire drive home, and
I sighed an audible sigh of relief when she finally text: “We’re home and still
alive!” Sandra called me a few minutes
later to find out if the girls had arrived home safely. What a sweetheart!
I’ve heard it said that
“one soul aligned with God is more powerful than a million other souls that are
misaligned.” And so in my desire to
“align with God” and my purpose here on Mother Earth—I’ve come to be a writer
who speaks the truth (my truth anyway) because “If you truly know the truth,
the truth will set you free.” Someone else also remarked, “If you want a
lot of drama in your life—become a writer—as writers attract dramatic writing
material.” But I feel that I write my stories
for my own personal healing, as Deborah King advises in her book, Truth Heals because when one person
heals from their separations within (sins) we all heal. It truly has been a way to heal for me
although I’m not sure that “honesty is
the best policy” in each and every case.
Perhaps I should “couch my words in poetic metaphors” to be construed as
NVC (Non Violent Communication) rather than expose myself in unrestrained
“naked honesty” which has been my writing style and reputation as being “naked
as a J. Bird.” But, honestly, sometimes
I just can’t help myself as it just comes out that way—naked and authentic! J
And so as I complete one
more chapter of “Alice’s adventures down the rabbit-hole,” I have to be quite
frank in saying that our hopes were not
fulfilled in finding “further light and knowledge” from two “world-renown
educators in Tantra and Polyamory;” but instead we found a lot of colorful
characters (and I’ll bet you can guess who turned out to be the Mad Hatter and
the Queen of Hearts ;-)
I sincerely apologize if I’ve offended anyone, but we do have choices in the roles we chose to
play out in our life’s drama. We each
are accountable for our thoughts, words and actions, and, yes, we can repent
(turn around) if we choose or we can allow the “wheel of karma” to run over us
and play out its cyclical incarnations.
As for me, I’m choosing to keep my roles “sweet” from now on!J (But
seriously, sometimes you need someone to play the role of the “asshole” in
order to get rid of all the shit!) And
as for you, the reader, I’ll let you decide for yourself—but if you’d like to
comment—please drop me a line as I’m always open for suggestions. J. Bird (not as naked in this gosh-awful
freezing Utah weather!)
No comments:
Post a Comment