Truth
Heals
6/12/10
While Brad and I were in San
Diego at the I Can Do It Convention,
I went to a presentation by a holistic health practitioner named Deborah King
who wrote the book Truth Heals. After watching her perform miraculous
healings on an endless line-up of people (for free) using Tantric, Shamanic and
Christian techniques (she was the real deal!) I decided to purchase her book
and read it. I won’t go into all the
details of her book (as it is a “must-read” for anyone wanting to know about
chakras and healing) but she did recommend one antidote to help us
heal—journaling.
I’ve been a journaler most of
my life (as I learned to do in my youth as a Mormon) but it’s only been
recently that I’ve felt to share those authentic journal entries with others as
a way for them to heal also. Because we
are so interconnected, many of you have told me that you can very well relate
to some of my experiences and have healed vicariously through my expressing
them. So, if that is indeed the case,
then this is one of the reasons why I continue to share my journaling with others;
and also, to inspire others to journal for themselves as a way to heal.
So here’s the update since the
last Newsletter I sent out to you regarding my two new partners—Ben and
Brody—who seemed to come to my rescue right in the nick of time to save
Heartsong. Let me introduce them to you.
Brody was a sweet, young,
27-year-old friend of Brad’s daughter, Holly, who showed up in our lives by way
of revelation. He shared with me that
he’d had an incredible vision of a White Buffalo Woman healer and that she
would be in Salt Lake City. So he left
Colorado on his own “vision quest” to find “me” with simply the clothes on his
back and no money. He miraculously
connected with Holly and Jeremy (both Bob Marley look-alikes and fans) during
his first few days in town. No doubt he
was an answer to my prayers and a God-send when it came to hauling dirt and
minerals down to the property and roto-tilling a garden area. Not to mention patching the caving in roof on
my modular home that’s been sitting unattended for going on eight years
now. But unfortunately, Brody was a
short-lived miracle of sorts.
When we first met Brody he was
so enthusiastic and passionate about growing “Ganja” (Cannabis or better yet
Marijuana) on our 15 acres as a form of “sacred” medicine to heal the
planet. He claims it connects the two
hemispheres of the brain and also cures cancer.
(Not to mention its commercial value.)
Hey, I’ve done my own research and there is an enormous amount of
evidence that the Cannabinoids and the THC in Cannabis have a lot of potential
for healing all sorts of diseases including cancer. But was I ready to risk being arrested
(again) for growing Marijuana on my land—that I wasn’t sure of. So Brad began his “due diligence”
investigation into James Mooney’s claims that his Oklevueha Native American
Church would indeed protect our rights to use “plant-based medicines” as
sacrament and to heal as our Medicine Person’s card indicates that we can
do. To this day it is still
inconclusive.
But in the meantime, Brody
claimed that he had investors in Colorado he’d worked with that would help me
“save” Heartsong. Also, Ben (who has
been part of my congregation and coming to our Sunday Celebrations) said he
would do everything in his power to help save Heartsong. The three of us spoke with my landlord, Bob,
the day before he was going to sign another lease agreement with someone who
wanted to turn Heartsong into a wedding reception center. All Bob wanted was his rent money, and so he
agreed that if we could come up with the $3,000 plus $500 to help pay-off what
I already owed him in rent, that he would continue to honor my 5-year lease
agreement. Ben (bless his heart) was
willing to commit $1,000 of his own hard-earned money, and I had committed to
$500 through yard sales and Brody said he would go to Colorado to talk to his
investors to come up with the other $2,000.
But here’s a little side-line
to the story. Brody and his dog, Souza,
went down to San Diego with Brad and me to the I Can Do It Convention. Now
you’ve got to understand something about Brody.
First of all, he doesn’t claim a penny to his name and walks around in
worn-out, second-hand clothes like a bum off the street. We had to pay for his (and his dog’s) room
and board everywhere we went and actually got kicked out of a trailer park
because Brody’s dog was part Pit Bull and had caused a disturbance. So Brad wasn’t too keen on Brody by the time
we got back from the trip and was finding every excuse in the book to get rid
of “the bum.” I, on the other hand, was
admittedly taken by Brody’s demeanor and his seemingly “divine connection with
the collective unconscious” as we spent hours talking pretty much on the same
page on all the upper chakras. Although
I must admit that his lower chakras (survival, sexual and power) were a bit out
of balance (ya think—he’d been homeless and celibate for the past several
months living off of God’s good graces).
I think that this “spiritual connection” that Brody and I had made Brad
a bit jealous (we obviously haven’t attained to those upper levels of connection
yet) and so as is Brad’s M.O. (modus operendum) he did everything in his power
to cause conflict in my relationship with Brody. (Very old story—timeless in fact.)
The day before Brody left for
Colorado (the Saturday of my rained-out Yard Sale) Brody and Brad get into a
huge cock-fight over Brad threatening to arrest him (and me) if we so much as
planted one seed of Marijuana on “his” land.
It got ugly and nasty like those scenes I abhor from the Discovery channel
of two bulls fighting and locking horns.
I picture myself as that doe silently slipping away from the charged
conflict to find a peaceful bull grazing among the flowers. The last thing Brody said to me on the phone
that morning (and I’ll paraphrase it) was that as long as I’m married to Brad,
he doesn’t want any more to do with “our projects.” I emphasized the fact that Brad wasn’t going
to be involved with any part of Heartsong and had promised to keep his nose out
of “our business.” But both Brody and
Ben agreed on one thing—as long as I was married to Brad—he would have control
over the outcome. Now that was some food
for thought—but don’t you think I’ve chewed on that unsavory morsel a time or
two before? But I’m still of the “ideal”
belief system that “love can heal all wounds” and that if we keep long enough
at getting rid of the dark veils of
separation that we might finally break through and witness the dawning light of
our oneness.
So the next Saturday (a week
after Brody leaves) Brad and I are in Costco when he gets a phone call from
Bob, our landlord. Brad takes it to a
private corner of the store out of my earshot and so I suspect the
inevitable—Bob has now leased the building to someone else. But since Brad doesn’t disclose the content
of the phone call, I’m convinced it is regarding another matter and so I leave
it alone. I figured Brad would tell me
if it was important, yet deep down I suspect the worse. But again, I’m told by the spirit that this
needs to be up to Brad to disclose the information to me as Brad has unhealed
issues regarding honesty disclosures when it comes to “bad news” (remember the
Michele incident?) which has really wrecked havoc on our relationship. I’m allowing him the process of learning his
own lesson (number 2 or perhaps 20 as I’ve lost count).
Monday comes and my day in
court. My dear friends, Claudia and Ben,
show up to support me in my “trials.”
Brad shows up late (as usual) while I’m in conference with my attorney. My attorney, Tonia Hashimoto, determines that
we have a good case (she finally received the transcripts from my Holliday
trial) and is going to ask the judge for a continuance so that she can amass
more evidence and then file a petition for a dismissal. In the meantime, I am to collect all my
Heartsong Newsletters along with a dozen or so names of clients who are members
of my church who would be good witnesses in my defense and submit them to her
as supporting evidence. She said the CW
article didn’t hurt my case in any way but asked if I’d solicited for the
interview. I told her that Jesse
Fruhwirth and I had been in communication since my first interview with him
regarding the Diamond Fork incident with the women fire-fighters being
arrested, and he had been anxious to do a feature article on me since my arrest
in January. He’d just been waiting for
the proper time and when he came to Heartsong for the first time to James
Mooney’s lecture, that’s when his managing editor gave him the go ahead to do
the front-page article. I’d given Jesse
my two books—Heartsong and Heart Wide Open to review along with
spending eight seemingly short hours sharing my entire life’s story with
him. I felt the article was well-written
and reflected positively on my case, although the front-page lead-in was a bit disturbing
with the inference that I do or did “Happy Endings.” My Ananda Nirvana Tantric ceremonies were
always sacred and holistic in nature and I’m afraid CW readers have been given
the wrong idea about who I am. (But
that’s a whole other article for another magazine if that ever comes up in the
future.) I also told my attorney that I
thought the complaints to the police had come from family members and she told
me to include that as evidence also as this would determine that the complaints
were indeed “frivolous.” The moments
before the judge were short and sweet—she simply asked for a continuance and to
reconvene on September 30 at 9:00 a.m.
The moments outside of the
courthouse were not so short and
sweet. That’s when Brad decided to dump
the “bombshell” that Bob had indeed broken
our lease agreement and had leased Heartsong out to a wedding reception center
and that we needed to get all of our stuff out of there this week. I was angry but in control when we flew
head-long into our “domestic dispute” in front of Claudia and Ben. I relayed to him that I already suspected
that the phone call that he’d received from Bob in Costcos was bad news
concerning Heartsong. He said he didn’t
feel I needed this type of information going into my court hearing. I told him he was absolutely wrong and that perhaps I could have made other
arrangements with Bob had I’d been given the undisclosed information. I felt it was one more of Brad’s conspiracies
with Bob to “keep me out of the loop” so others could make decisions without my
input. I tried not to get into the
nitty-gritty details in front of my dear friends about how this has been a
long-standing history with Brad and Bob and undisclosed information has been a
long-standing problem with Brad and me.
I respected their rights not to get in the middle of it and I was too
drained of energy from being in the court room most of the afternoon. I decided to postpone this argument for
another day and just go home to pack for my much needed “vision quest” up at
Diamond Fork Hot Springs.
But, as is the case with
suppressed energy, early the next morning before leaving to go to Diamond Fork,
I unleashed this energy on Brad. I told
him in no uncertain terms that I was done with men—and the whole human race—as
I was tired of running this race. That although
we have great sexual energy together we have no connection in the heart, mind or spirit. I told him flat out that I felt that much of
Heartsong’s demise was caused by his unresolved “feelings” concerning what I do
for a living. Therefore he could take
full responsibility for moving everything out of there (as Bob and he had
agreed) as I had already made plans to go on my retreat. I told him I didn’t care anymore what they
did with the “stuff” as I was unattached to the outcome. (I’ve since changed my
mind about that.) All I knew was that I
just needed to get clear of all the energy behind it and I knew the only way I
could do this was to get alone (all one) with myself and God. I was not going to sacrifice the time I’d
committed to myself and God to help him “tear-down” Heartsong and all of my
hopes and dreams along with it.
I didn’t think my heart could take any more of
it and so off I went with a purse full of pennies (I’d spent every last dime on
the court house parking meter) and a prayer in my heart that I could come up
with some resolves. Brad offered to take
me to the local grocery store to buy some ice and gave me $20. I accepted graciously but knew I had no need
for money where I was going. I kissed
him good-bye and told him I wasn’t sure when I would be coming back—if
ever. I told him he knew where I was if
he wanted to come down and visit me. He
said he’d try this weekend if it was good weather. And so that was that and I left with a deep
ache in my heart for Heartsong and pretty pissed-off with men—and all humanity
for that matter! (Except for Claudia and
Ben who actually showed up for me at my trial.)
One of the truths I came away
with after reading Deborah King’s book, Truth
Heals, is that our chakra energies always show up in our auric fields. I’ve taken several aura photos in my life and
the following are representative of mine
and Brad’s chakra energies. If you
compare the two you will see that the only chakra levels that Brad and I
connect on are the red and orange levels (which are survival and sexual). All the other ones need balancing for us to
be able to connect. My chakra has gone
from white, purple and blue to more of a rainbow color in order to just exist
in a “marriage relationship” with Brad.
I’m hoping the more time spent together, the more we will balance each
other as this is usually the case with intimate relationships. (These photos were taken one right after the
other so there is no room to deny the authenticity of aura photography. Actually Brad’s photo from the I Can Do It Convention was showing more
yellows and greens so it did give me some hope.)
I pray to find the love, peace,
joy and BALANCE in my life so that I can radiate that rainbow light to others
and for the world to see. J. Bird
(forever naked as a) AKA White Buffalo (not calf anymore) Woman
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