Dreamcatcher
4/14/11
It’s hard to decide exactly where to
begin…when I first met Stephan. But for
the sake of continuity let’s say I first physically met Stephan on Thursday,
March 24, at my friend, Claudia’s, future healing center called Light Source (I believe). Stephan was signing up everyone who had
gathered there for a free introductory offer for his Epic Truth reading—a horoscope/numerology program he’d personally
developed to supposedly connect you with your soul’s purpose. And so Brad and I both became volunteers to
try out his new “Epic Truth” for amusement sake if nothing else. And so when Stephan downloaded my reading
(which I copied below, typos included) I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at
some of the reading’s remarkable accuracies which I’ve highlighted:
www.myepictruth.com
Janae Thorne Born
on 05-30-1957
~ Your
successfully decoded true self and destiny ~
(A copy of this
report has been sent to heartsong@webpipe.net)
Dear Janae,
since you are now reading this, You
have somehow reached an important place in your awakening process. You are now
ready to know the truth about who you are and why you chose to have this
amazing physical experience on planet Earth. Strange as it may seem, the words
you are now reading are you own... energetically penned prior to you
incarnation and arrival here on Earth.
First, you should know that being in
the physical world that you are now in was a great dream of yours, a great
journey you consciously chose to be on. From here I can only imagine what it is
like to have physical skin, sensual touch, hunger, pain and yes, even the
challenge of mortality. What an incredible opportunity to experience life on
the edge. The shear thrill of being ALIVE!!! YOU MADE IT!!!
This is a time of GREAT AWAKENING on
your planet Earth and this letter will help you awaken to the amazing person
you are. It's time to wake up and remember that you have a specific destiny
that you desired to accomplish in this lifetime. Now you will understand how
perfect you are and how perfectly you chose your so called avatar for this
task.
After pondering all that you desired
to achieve in this lifetime you made the following perfect choices:)
True Self Essence is the sum of
powerful natural inclinations, talents and abilities that enable I to
successfully accomplish and overcome any of the challenges I encounter in this
incarnation. (3)
I joyfully chose to enter this life
with a strong sense of creativity and with wonderful communication skills.
Qualities of Mind
My
mind is very leader.
Key traits: leader, active, versitle, active, inquiring,
(Each word represents a letter,
duplicates increase its strength.)
Inner Motivation
My
inner motivation is very cooporative.
Key traits: cooporative, watchful, opionionated, thorough,
versitle, inquiring,
(Each word represents a letter,
duplicates increase its strength.)
Executive Abilities
My executive abilities are very
Normal... no third name given..
Key traits:
(Each word, represents one letter,
duplicates increase it's strength.)
True
Self Picture is a word picture that describes my chosen true self in vivid
imagery. (3)
The
Empress is the creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made
real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where
it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is
Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love.
Hearts
Desire is the deep cry of my heart that longs to be satisfied. Find its thread
in each step of my path and it will reward me with joy and richness in my life.
(9)
Beating
deep inside, your heart is a desire to serve the whole world.
Desired
Destiny is my spiritual mission, my highest life purpose. When I center my
thoughts and actions on my desired destiny I will feel the wind fill my sails.
(3)
My
destiny is in self-expression. I am the happest when I am expressing your love
to my mate.
Destiny
Picture is a word picture that describes my chosen destiny.
Two
of Clubs:
Twos
are considerate, cooperative, receptive, and agreeable. They go out of their
way to lead a balanced, peaceful, and harmonious life. If expressed negatively, they may be dependent, indecisive,
overly subjective, and lacking in willpower.
Curious,
communicative, creative. Courts are the suit of communication, ideas, People
belonging to the Clubs suit believe in the power of intentions and ideas. They
may be in love with words, they may search for the truth and for meaning. They
rarely hold a grudge because they are able to rise above emotions and actions
and find explanations or excuses for others' actions. On the negative side,
they can use words as weapons, and they can finagle their way out of a jam with
their clever minds by stretching the truth.
Self Perception is how I perceive my
myself. (3)
I
see myself as attractive, charming and amimated personality
Other's Perception is what others
sense, feel and think when they encounter me. (6)
Others
see me as one by way of your appearance or personality fosters an atmostphere
of harmony and well being.
Perceptive World Lens gives me
perspective by which I view the world. The ancient Chinese scholars studied the
stars and correctly ascribed powerful life forces to each birth year.
I
chose the Chinese Element of Fire
I
chose the Chinese year of Rooster
Roosters
are the most eccentric of the Chinese zodiac. They are full of dreams and
romantic ideas. They are colorful and attractive, radiant and dashing, and they
are quite proud of themselves. Roosters are organized, precise,and their sharp
eyes seek out fine details in everything. They are perfectionists and leave no
room for human error. To Roosters, a difficult task is a challenge. They dearly
love starting controversies. Roosters express themselves very well both in
writing and speech. They are knowledgeable in most subjects you wish to discuss.
When you challenge them you must be prepared for a long fight. Their stamina is
amazing and they win their point at all costs. Even when they are wrong, they
will still be right in one way or another!
Roosters
can be blunt and brutal. Their direct approach to life makes them poor
diplomats. They speak their minds with little regard for the feelings of
others.Why should others be upset? Roosters are right, aren't they?
Roosters
are good at handling money and their self-control with keeping budgets is
phenomenal. They are not miserly, and in fact, they can be extremely generous
and giving. They simply want their finances in complete accord, and yours, too.
If you have trouble, Roosters quickly straighten you out whether you want them
to or not. Don't be ungrateful either, you should be glad they condescended to
help you at all. Roosters are careful with their time and you only deserve so
much, so plan things well. Roosters are sincere in their desire to help and no
one can carry out important tasks like them. Just be certain your orders are
explicit and don't expect them to improvise for you on their own time.
Roosters
are ambitious and they reach for the sky. They have a deep passion for their
chosen fields, and they are very creative. They usually start out young in life
and enjoy success early in their careers. They do well in their own businesses.
They are meticulous and competent enough to make things work. When they set out
to accomplish something, they leave no stone unturned. They probe deeply with
their inquisitive, busy minds. They never remain still. Roosters must learn
that some things take time. No matter how competent they are, they can't
reprogram the whole world to fit their schedules! They achieve the most amazing
things, but Roosters always become eccentric over the final details.
Never
underestimate Roosters. They are optimistic and dauntless. They never change
their course of action even if the world thinks they are wrong! They are so
determined to make some of their wild and idealistic plans work that their
plans often do work. With their many splendid talents and eccentric ways,
Roosters hit it big!
Personality Flavor gives me traits
and a filter that guides my thoughts and actions in the world. For over 4000
years ancient western astrologers studied the stars and correctly ascribed
powerful life forces to each birth date.
I
chose Gemini
Soul Summary is an important look at
the dynamics of the combination of my Western and my Chinese astrology
together.
I
chose Courtly Cavalier:
The
performing Gemini is herein blessed with a complement of the Rooster
persuasion. Performance meets grit. Rooster loves to swagger and swashbuckle,
wears finery with aplomb and carries it all off as though he'd been born in a
backstage wardrobe trunk. Gemini/Roosters, as actors or teachers or doctors or show
business personalities, have it all over their competition. Talent? Yes. These
people do have a certain amount of interpretive skill. But their strongest card
is resilience. This Gemini/Rooster is a walking trampoline. Nothing, not
illness, not rejection, not sorrow or self-pity, can keep this good person
down. The sex lives of attractive Gemini/Roosters are epic. Everybody wants to
sleep with this gorgeous creature. The men are often born Don Juans and the
women willing sexual partners.
Special Power-Ups give me special
enhanced powers to fill in holes in my character and traits.
I
chose Your birthday on the 30th day of the month shows individual
self-expression is necessary for your happiness. You tend to have a good way of
expressing yourself with words, certainly in a manner that is clear and
understandable. You have a good chance of success in fields requiring skill
with words. You can be very dramatic in your presentation and you may be a good
actor or a natural mimic. You have a vivid imagination that can assist you in
becoming a good writer or story-teller. Strong in your opinions, you always
tend to think you are on the right side of an issue. There may be a tendency to
scatter your energies and have a lot of loose ends in your work. You may have
significant artistic talent and be very creative. :
2011
is my year for Shine Brightly (3)
That
which you have been sowing will be apearing! Get into the limelight and let
your light shine. Be uniquely you, with a artistic flair. You gain through
creativity and focus!
You
may need to spend more time alone in reflection or meditation. You might feel
more depressed or like you have a need to escape the world. Some people also
become very obsessed with one particular creative project or one person during
a 7 Personal Year.
In January your money picture
becomes much brighter. You will be pleased to hear of some kind of inheritance
or grant that helps you slow down a bit so you can take the time to take care of
yourself and do a bit of soul searching. By February you will be able to follow
up with a spiritual quest and presented with an opportunity to investigate a
matter that has to do with the occult or spirituality more intensely.
March is the ideal time to strike
out on your own, look for a new job or start a fitness program. Many people
realize experience strange and unusual events at this time that nudge them onto
their true path. Although the changes are uncomfortable at times they serve to
break bad habits that may be holding us back.
In April you may be consumed by a
brilliant idea and looking for ways to rearrange your life so that it can
accommodate your grand plans. May will likely be the most social time for you
in 2011.The universe will probably manifest kindred spirits and people who can
help you accomplish your dreams?
June could bring a period of
hardship. You may face a lot of criticism or feel misunderstood. Take care of
yourself as you are more prone to health problems at this time. July could also
bring bit problems in your interpersonal relationships. You could be dealing
with addictive or unhealthy people or people that are exploiting you for their
own gain or credit. If you need to leave a situation for brighter prospects it
is highly recommended at this time.
August is a much saner time for you.
Everything will come a bit easier to you including money and the love and
appreciation of friends and family. However you are still in danger of
attracting unsavory or needy types into your life who may be trying to exploit
you in some way.
In September you will feel like
shutting yourself away to work on yet another creative project. You may also be
quite concerned with expanding your self-awareness. If a health issue that was
concerning you earlier this year has not been taken care of then you get a
second chance to have it resolved in October.
November brings you a new love and
possibly a new set of supportive friends. You will feel a little less like
isolating and more confident about selling yourself and your ideas.
By the end of the year you will feel
like your life is blossoming. Many nagging issues, some of them years old, will
have been resolved and you will feel that your future is quite bright.
Current Year Picture
The
Hanged Man. With Neptune (or Water) as its planet, the Hanged Man is perhaps
the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who
offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the
world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days.
On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree,
understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All
knowledge is to be found in these runes.
2012 is my year for Work Hard
After all the FUN you had last year,
it's time to buckle down and WORK for a solid future! Concentrate your forces
into building a strong foundation for what you want to achieve in the years to
come. Work HARD, stick to a budget, use common sense so your material affairs
can be on the upswing in the years to come. You can rest when this year is
over!
2013 is my year for Experience
Freedom
This year gives you a strong desire
for personal freedom! This is a good time to break away from work
responsibilities of the last 5 years. A good time for travel, new people and
endevors, but don't make anything permenent. Welcome whatever and whoever comes
into your life.
2014 is my year for Accept
Responsibility
You had your freedom last year, now
is the time to settle down and assume responsibilities in your family, marriage
and business affairs. Enjoy family and group activities together. A time to
sort out, tie up loose ends for happiness and contentment. Good time for
intelictual or spiritual growth too.
My 2015 is my year for Enjoy
Solitude
This is a great time to look within,
take time to be yourself. This is the time to analye, study and perfect what
ever you are interested in. Imagination runs high and may be put into use in
artistic ways. Expect the pace to be slower, so be patient with slow, deep
inner growth, Moderation is good, avoid unnatural stimulents or overindulgence
to prevent serious consequences. Trust your inner truth!
Up
until now you were led to believe by your society, those in authority, parents,
teachers bosses etc., that you could not know your true self, destiny, hearts
desire, etc. You were keep in the dark that there is indeed a deep mathematical
system of order in this world. This darkness has caused all of us to be
captives performing the actions of slavery to society, play it's roles, not our
chosen purpose. We have been trying to do another's destiny, not our own... and
this has caused us to even doubt our own perfection. Based on the mere fact
that the info in the report was decoded only from your birth name and birthday
points to a deep and accurate mathematical structure to the world you are now
in. Now you know everything is perfect for your chosen purpose... Take time to
ponder and consider the information in this letter, your belief in my own
perfection for the purpose in which you came here will grow. Most likely you
will never see yourself in the same dim light again:) Now you know that you are
beautiful and perfectly form to be you!
Let your light
shine and please share this site with others!
Share with your
Facebook friends, so they can get their epic truth report too!!!
"To thine own
self be true... it's YOUR greatest gift to the WORLD"
Copyright
2010 www.myepictruth.com Crystalline Age
After downloading, reading, and
translating my “epic truth” for me, I felt a mysterious, sort of mystical
connection to Stephan that I couldn’t put my finger on—but it felt like I knew
him from somewhere or some other time before.
But that happens a lot to me so I just chalk it up to divine synchronicity
playing itself out.
The next night, Friday night, I was
invited to attend another event (see ad below) that was e-mailed to me by Ken
Wolcoff, a good friend of mine who was the first Deeksha-giver for Utah and had
established what he calls “Oneness Utah.”
We’d been following each other’s colorful careers for the past few years
and I always try to show up for Ken when the spirit calls. This event seemed to call to me and so I
attended it with Brad. Some of the
Deeksha folks from the gathering the previous evening also attended, including
Claudia and her business manager, Cam. I
ended up sleeping through most of the meditations, however, as I was a bit
exhausted from staying up way past my bedtime the night before.
Light Grids with Damien Wynne
Introductory Evening and Healing
Friday March 25, 2011
Inner Light Center
4408 South 500 East
7 PM - 10 PM
Cost for evening $20
There will also be a six hour workshop on Saturday for
those who are interested.
Group Healing Workshop
Saturday March 26, 2011
10 am - 4 pm
cost $100
Saturday March 26, 2011
10 am - 4 pm
cost $100
Damien has developed his channelling
and healing skills
by working with high vibration beings and entities,
and by being taught by them how to effectively and significantly
help people to clear blocks, and mental and emotional patterns,
so that they can come more into alignment with their Higher Selves.
by working with high vibration beings and entities,
and by being taught by them how to effectively and significantly
help people to clear blocks, and mental and emotional patterns,
so that they can come more into alignment with their Higher Selves.
Damien is offering
- group-clearings
- single sessions
- a set of 2 activation-sessions
- 4-day-education
Light Grids Activation is a technique,
which has been channelled from source directly,
to help us clear fears, patterns from our family line,
past lives, DNA, and programs from this life
so that the soul can be fully grounded into the body.
allowing the person to become a living channel,
always in harmony with the universal shifts.
It works on a cellular level and activates and clears the cells,
filling the cells with unconditional love and laughter.
which has been channelled from source directly,
to help us clear fears, patterns from our family line,
past lives, DNA, and programs from this life
so that the soul can be fully grounded into the body.
allowing the person to become a living channel,
always in harmony with the universal shifts.
It works on a cellular level and activates and clears the cells,
filling the cells with unconditional love and laughter.
This is a
“once-in-a-life-time-activation” - there is no need to repeat it.
You must do it in two stages within a time period
of a min. of 24 hours and the latest 1 month.
You must do it in two stages within a time period
of a min. of 24 hours and the latest 1 month.
In the 4-day-education you
will learn
how to pass on this activation-technique to other people.
how to pass on this activation-technique to other people.
Light Grids is, if you imagine, a tablecloth made of threads of fibre optic cables.
All are containing strands of information and each one is different.
Some are for reprogramming with new information connected to the stars,
others are connected to energies from this Earth, and all connecting to our cells (DNA).
Others are for clearing blocks, and some are connected to timelines with our past,
past lives and the beginning of time.
All are interwoven with each other.
So, no matter where on that cloth you pull the thread it will have an affect on all.
Now, imagine 10 of these tablecloths and more,
they are all connected on many levels in space, time, and dimensions.
So, working on one thread, is still having an effect on all.
This is Light Grids; by touching anywhere you are connected to all.
These are multi-dimensional Light Grids,
and you can work these Grids with individuals or groups, whole families and friends.
Anyone, that you are connected with, will be affected by it.
The more we connect to it, the stronger and lighter it will be.
This is how the Group Clearings are working; we all connect to these Grids.
Its very personal yet connected to all.
And: this work is never invasive.
It only goes as deep as you allow it to
in alignment with your Higher Self.
Damien: “I am excited about teaching Light Grids
to anyone who feels a pull to it.
You do not need to have past experience in this type of work.
It will open your blocks up, and its
up to you if you want to sort them out.
We all have free will, so we can take this as far as we like.
Just ask that voice inside: is it for you?”
We all have free will, so we can take this as far as we like.
Just ask that voice inside: is it for you?”
Again, this event lasted
well past my usual 10:00 bedtime and so Saturday morning Brad and I chose to
sleep in. At around noon we did our
usual coffee-enema cleanse along with spending some leisurely time giving each
other tantric massages. We always spoil
each other on the weekends and are very selfish with our time together; and it
felt heavenly after a busy, productive week.
Then at 6:00 we met Jeff and Lori Jenks for dinner at Sweet Tomatoes, drove back to our place,
and spent the rest of the evening well past midnight listening to their
incredible, emotionally-charged story of being arrested for prostitution in
their own home in Cedar Hills. (See
previous Heartsong Newsletter “Utah’s
System of Injustice” for details.)
Sunday morning we again
slept in and then around noon travelled to Crystal
Hot Springs to meet with family and friends for our now regular “Church of
the Hot Springs” gathering. Brad relaxed
in the hot and cold pools while I facilitated a half dozen or so Watsus. I didn’t mind as I really do love giving Watsus to people. It provides a good outlet for my ministry
since Heartsong was shut down and
since I can’t hold regular meetings anywhere else; it also serves those who
show up as an alternative “church” to the usual sitting three hours on a hard
bench listening to…well, you get my drift.
I was both energized and exhausted when I finally got to bed Sunday
night and fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.
Monday morning I got up at
my usual hour of 7:00 to prepare coffee for Brad’s and mine
every-other-day-coffee-cleanse. I woke
Brad up at 8 to let him know his coffee was ready. I really took my time cleansing that morning
(as I overate and drank that weekend) even though I had a tantric student/practitioner
scheduled to arrive at 11. I was into my
final rinse-out when a really weird thing
happened. It had occurred a couple times
before but not to this degree. It felt
like suddenly all of my subconscious thoughts had become conscious—like they
were in a sort of filing cabinet that I could access simply by thinking of a
key word and then all of a sudden that file or tape became available to me in
FAST MOTION. Key words or pictures kept
popping into my head like de-ja-vus
and then the entire tape flashed into my conscious mind. Dreams I’d had, past experiences, subliminal
information and knowledge, and even future premonitions all seemed to be
available to my conscious mind in a weird sort of “awakening.” Then all at once it felt like my past and future
collapsed into present-moment time. It
felt like the top of my skull had been literally pulled off to where I could
see in 360 degree panoramic vision. No
more tunnel-vision, my mind expanded into some sort of “cosmic consciousness”
I’d never experienced before. It was
almost too much for my mind to handle and part of me started to panic.
And then everything made
total sense to me…EVERYTHING!! Why
everything had happened the way it had and that I didn’t need to worry about anything anymore…that everything would
simply be taken care of by some divine source outside of myself. And yet part of me couldn’t comprehend what
was happening to me and so again I panicked.
I first called Brad to tell him what was happening to me. He really couldn’t wrap his own mind around
it and didn’t have any advice other than to go outside and get grounded. It was freakin’ cold outside so that was out
of the question and I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to stop what was happening
to me. It was both very real and very
surreal at the same time. Then the
thought came to me—call Ken—he’ll know what to do. Ken’s been around this type of
Guru/Buddha/Enlightenment sort of thing longer than I had and he’d for sure
know what was happening and what to do about it. So I called Ken.
I tried to explain to Ken
what was happening and he mentioned that Damien and his partner were still in
town staying at his place and did I mind if he put me on speaker phone. “Sure…why not,” I said. As I tried to describe what was happening to my
brain they both responded almost simultaneously… “Great! We found the
one who has been activated. We knew one person in the entire group the other
night had been activated and we were hoping they would call before we left so
that we could complete the process on them.
You need to get another session as soon as possible so that we can help
you integrate these new energies and clear up the confusion.” Their Irish accents were a bit hard to follow
but I got the jest of it.
“Well, great,” I said. “I have a practitioner coming in less than an
hour…what do I do until then? I can’t
even function let alone think about doing any tantric work with anyone else.”
They suggested I take the
day off and then come up to Park City the following afternoon for an appointment. I followed their suggestion and cancelled all
of my appointments for the day and then called Brad at work. He then booked a private session for himself
that afternoon to see if he could receive the same “activation” as I did. But his experience with Damien was nothing
like mine—nor was anyone else’s that I knew who had attended that night. I finally concluded that I was indeed
“unique” in my “light grid activation” and even Ken couldn’t really relate to
it other than sharing that this is what other so-called “gurus” have described
as “enlightenment.” Great, I thought.
Then Stephan called later
that morning to see if I wanted to go to lunch with him as he wanted to discuss
our “coincidences” in both having “Empress energy” along with the “hanged-man”
card in our “epic truth” readings. I
described to him what had happened during my coffee-cleanse and he seemed both
concerned and fascinated. He then shared
with me that he’d been kicked out of his place by his recent girlfriend and
needed a place to land. I knew her from
another friend of mine, Cal, who’d introduced us at a New Year’s Party as Cal
had set her up with his Vo-Cal chair and technology. Stephan said he’d done some work with the
Vo-Cal chair, but said that he’d had enough of her “Scorpio sting” and other
vagaries. I then offered him a place to
crash at our house as we had an extra bedroom.
I again called Brad to see if it was okay for Stephan to move in and
Brad volunteered to pick Stephan up in town that evening on his way back from
Park City. When they both arrived that
evening, I felt somewhat adjusted and integrated with my new-found
“super-consciousness.” It had also given
me an extra boost of energy to where I’d cleaned the entire house and fixed a
spectacular dinner. The three of us
feasted and talked well into the night and I never felt tired. But when I did finally get to bed—sleep came
easily.
The next day Stephan and I
spent time sharing and swapping stories.
He shared that he’d
moved from Kauai on December 15—five days after I’d left Maui—in order to
finalize his divorce with his ex-wife in Idaho.
From there the “spirit” had told him to go south and he ended up landing
in Salt Lake at a Byron Katie meeting where he’d met, Lois, a good friend of
mine. He’d stayed with her two weeks
until he met his other girlfriend (name withheld for privacy reasons). He then shared with me some
very profound spiritual experiences that he’d had while in the desert. These “whoppers” rivalled mine and I listened
to them with mixed emotions. He then
listened intently as I shared with him my White Buffalo Woman Vision Quest
story with much interest.
We both concluded that we
felt that it was extremely synchronistic that we met as I was ready to create
my “Holy Vortex” website and Stephan was a web-builder. He then remarked that God had witnesses to
him that “he would be instrumental in setting up a great work in the last days
grounded in wisdom.” I informed him that
“wisdom” was the feminine principal in the Kabballic
Tree of Life model and I felt that my Holy
Vortex concept had been downloaded
directly from God on 10/10/10 to help shift the planet from an ego-based
“unholy gridlock” to a more God-conscious-based “holy vortex.” Then the mind-blower came. As Stephan described his past as a
Pentecostal Preacher a light-bulb lit up in my brain concerning a lucid dream
that I’d had in January just after my visit to Maui. “Oh my God it was you I dreamed about!” I
exclaimed to Stephan and then went to my computer to find the e-mail I’d shared
with my “beloveds” a day or so after it happened. This is part of the e-mail I’d sent out on
February 1, 2011:
On Saturday night I had an interesting "lucid" dream
which felt very real to me. I was in a beautiful Christian Church where I
met this amazing Charismatic Christian preacher. He reminded me a lot of
a "beloved" I had met over in Maui named Blaze who was tall, dark and
handsome and very charismatic (but probably not Christian). Anyway this
Charismatic Christian Minister was so "turned on" and on fire about
Jesus that I immediately fell in love with him. I then explained that I
was polyamorous and was he open to a sexual relationship with me. He
hesitated for a moment, but neither of us could deny the extreme electrical
energy between us. As I explained to him that we have this very distorted image
around Jesus Christ--that he was somehow celibate and didn't embrace his human
sexuality, I told him that this was anything but the
truth,. That Jesus Christ was very polyamorous and enjoyed sexual
relationships with many women including Mary Magdalene, Mary and Martha of
Bethany and the mysterious "woman at the well." I told him that
I had founded my own church calling it "The Church of the Gathering of
What is Real" which was based on Gnostic Christianity, Tantra and Shamanic
practices which supports this idea. I told him that my Church had been
shut down last January because I'd been arrested for some of my Tantric
practices. In my dream, we merged on all tantric levels--body, mind and
spirit--and became "one" so to speak which is the most ultimate
blissful experience you can have. He then told me to share his
message to others--that if we would simply surrender our lives to Jesus (the
God incarnate) that everything in life would turn out perfectly. That it
would take all the fear and anxiety out of life as we would realize (real eyes)
that everything that came into our lives was directed by God and exactly
perfect.
The next day (Sunday) I shared this dream with Brad as we got into
a heated discussion on our way to Crystal Hot Springs concerning a friend's
proposal (I won't mention any names) to be included as part of our
relationship. He wanted to be "my other husband" so to speak.
Brad immediately went into resistance as he did each time this friend made this
proposal. I then asked him to do me a favor and just surrender everything
to Jesus Christ and allow Him to direct his life. Brad again went into
resistance and although he wasn't able to say the words "I surrender my
life to Jesus" I knew spiritually he was there.
This initiated some
interesting discussions between Stephan and I concerning the true nature of
Christ, polyamory and soul-mates. We had
a good rebel-rousing round of scripture-bashing as I tried to argue concerning
what I felt Christ’s true spiritual/sexual nature was and how all the prophets who ever talked with
God were known polygamists (just like I’d done in my dream BTW). I also tried to explain to Stephan that I felt
Mary Magdalene, who was referred to in the Gospel of Phillip (a Gnostic
scripture) as “one who knew the all,” was Jesus’ intimate companion as she
traveled with him nearly everywhere he went and was at the tomb just after his
resurrection. That instead of being the
“prostitute” that everyone claimed she was…that she was actually acting as a
“temple priestess performing goddess rites” in the temple when the Pharisees
brought her to Jesus to be condemned.
But Jesus never once condemned
Mary but put her on a pedestal for the entire world to “see her good works and
glorify God.” Stephan countered that
Jesus did condemn her when he made
the statement “Go thy way and sin no more” referencing her as a “sinner.” But I countered that the only ones that Jesus
condemned as sinners were the Pharisees which he labeled as “whited sepulchers
containing dead men’s bones.” It was
these self-righteous hypocrites whom Jesus set in order—not ordinary sinners
like you and me.
Well, it was getting way too heated and way too weird for me
and so we both conceded just to discuss what my vision was for my website:
holyvortex.com. Stephan kept wanting to
argue with me concerning what I felt my Holy Vortex concept was (as he didn’t
understand a thing about chakras, tantra or kundalini awakening) and so I
resorted to playing a John Denver song for him on a youtube site entitled “The
Flower That Shattered the Stone”: http://youtu.be/UpbaUytRDOE I told Stephan I felt John Denver had
written this song as a metaphor for me…or as the scripture refers: “The weak
things of the world will come forth and
break down the mighty and strong things….that man should not counsel his
fellowman nor trust in the arm of flesh…but trust in God!” I sang out-loud with John the words that had
become so familiar to me:
The Earth is our Mother just turning around
With her trees in the forest and roots
underground
Our Father above us whose sigh is the wind
Paint us a rainbow without any end
As the river runs freely, the mountain does rise
Let me touch with my fingers, see with my eyes
In the hearts of the children a pure love still
grows
Like a bright star in Heaven that lights our way
home
Like a flower that shattered the stone
Sparrows find freedom beholding the sun
In the infinite beauty we’re all joined in one
I reach out before me and look to the sky
Did I hear someone whisper?
Did something pass by?
As the river runs freely, the mountain does rise
Let me touch with my fingers, see with my eyes
In the hearts of the children a pure love still
grows
Like a bright star in Heaven that lights our way
home
Like a flower that shattered the stone
I couldn’t resist the
temptation to play another John Denver song describing “soul-mates” since I was
already at his youtube site. “So you
really believe in this whole soul-mate idea do you?” I remarked, noticing
Stephan previewing his e-mails as we talked, scanning for “soul-mate”
indicators. “Well, what would you do if
your soul-mate didn’t exist on this planet in this time and space? Would you simply give up on love?” I questioned.
“Here, I want you to listen to this very inspired song concerning
soul-mates. I then played the following
youtube song entitled “The Wandering Soul” adding that I’d actually been in
attendance at this particular Windstar
Symposium the one and only time John Denver performed this song.
http://youtu.be/zGCi9Jzs1Fw I again joined in the chorus, tears trickling
down my face…but Stephan didn’t even notice…he was too busy checking out his
singles and dating sites:
In this magic hour between the dark and the dawn
In the space between the silence and the song
Suddenly the mystery is clear
That love is only letting go of fear
Love is the answer
And love is the way
Love is in knowing just what to do and what to
say
Love is the reason
And love is the why
And love is in heaven right here on earth
And peace inside
Inside your heart
Deep in your soul
Within each part
And in the whole
Love is the answer
And love is the way
Love is in knowing just what to do and what to
say
Love is the reason
And love is the why
And love is heaven right here on earth
And peace inside
Stephan looked up from
his computer for a moment, “Well, maybe there aren’t individual soul-mates but
groups of soul-mates,” he remarked and then continued with his interest in his
computer. Even though I realized that
I’d lost Stephan’s interest, I decided to play another John Denver song that
he’d performed live at that particular Windstar
Symposium I’d attended that hadn’t been recorded anywhere else. It was entitled “Healing Time with Mother
Earth.” http://youtu.be/CwlM_LEWD9I
“John really understood
the Kabballic Tree of Life when he wrote this song. In the first verse he recounts the three
manifest sefirot: wisdom, knowledge
and understanding, which really serve to define the Godhead—Father, Son and
Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit many
believe is the feminine aspect or wisdom.
Here let me play it for you again…
Let the mountains talk
Let the river run
There is wisdom here
There is much to learn
There is much to know
Much to understand
In this healing time
All across the land…
I knew that Stephan was
in his own private world on his computer…but I thought I’d try to engage him
one more time in my John Denver reverie.
“Hey, do you want to know why I changed my name to Jesse?” I
inquired. I knew if it meant listening
to one more John Denver song that he’d pass and maybe shut off his
computer. “No…not really,” he
responded. So I didn’t push the envelope
and shut off my computer in anticipation of him shutting off his…but he
didn’t.
“So, do you want to get
back to building my website?” I queried.
Stephan looked up from his screen.
“Well, you still haven’t convinced me that you’re creating a “holy
vortex” yet. It still seems a bit
“unholy” to me at this point.”
I tried not to react to
his statement, but I could feel the impact of his offense.. “That’s pretty judgmental and harsh wouldn’t
you say? Besides it’s really not important
what your opinion is about it…the important thing is that I feel it’s time to
put it out there to the world what God’s impressed upon my mind and heart to
do. I really don’t need your approval or
validation for any of it…” Stephan
held up his hand close to my face. “Now
stop right there! You are really getting into my personal space
right now and I wish that you would back off and stop it!”
“Fine…I will…” I said,
tears welling up in my eyes again.
“Besides I’ve got to get ready for a session right now.” I got up off the couch and hurried upstairs
to get ready for a tantric practitioner who was due in 5 minutes. I checked my makeup in the mirror to make
sure my tears hadn’t made rivers run through it. I was good to go by the time I heard the
doorbell ring.
After my session, Brad
came to pick us both up for my 4:00 session with Damien up in Park City. We were on “Bradley Time” so we arrived
almost a half-hour late. Ken was a bit irritated
with our tardiness as he was keeping a tight schedule for Damien while he was
there. There was another person due to
arrive at 6 so I hurried and paid Damian’s partner the $170 that a private
session cost and then got on the table.
Damien spent an hour or so doing the same types of advanced Reiki moves
I’d seen him do at the first session and then fell into a deep state of
relaxation. In that altered state I
visited higher realms containing myriads of heavenly angelic beings…and also
connected with John Denver…which brought tears to my eyes. Now I knew for an absolute certainty that Heaven existed…and our Earth-life was just
a veiled state of existence…for our own experience to grow in faith.
But like the age-old
adage goes: “Before enlightenment…chop wood and carry water—after enlightenment …chop wood and carry water …it
doesn’t really change other than your perception.” And so the rest of the week was spent doing
tantric healing sessions and helping Stephan clear out space in the garage in
order to move all of my crafts/music/sewing/office stuff out of the small
attic-room (which my grandkids called “the secret room”) so that he could have
a private space of his own. I resisted a
little spending so much time “Spring Cleaning” realizing that Stephan’s current
pattern was spending two weeks with someone then moving on. I really
wanted to believe in Stephan’s intentions of doing trades building my website
for him staying there, but the more I got to know Stephan, the more I began to
label him “a rolling stone.” And so I
made him promise to Brad and me that
he would stay at least two months for
trade for my website…just in case.
One interesting
occurrence while we were moving things around, though, was the constant
appearance of Dreamcatchers. Friday
morning as I was getting ready for two morning sessions, I noticed that one of
my tiny Dreamcatcher earrings was missing from the bathroom counter where I’d
left it the night before. I showed the
other one to Stephan and told him to keep an eye out for it. Miraculously, I found it later that day attached
to the end of the back tie to my string bikini.
Interesting.
Then when I was cleaning
out the garage and going through some of my arts and crafts stuff I noticed a
bag full of handmade Dreamcatchers, Medicine Wheels, and Feathered Serpent
Shields that my children and I had made years ago to sell at the Missoula Farmer’s Market. It brought back precious memories of my
children when I still lived with them in Montana. As I was sorting through other boxes of
“stuff” a few young girls from the Liberty
Hills complex stopped by on their way home from school.
“Hey, are you having a
garage sale?” they inquired, noticing all of the “stuff” piled in the
driveway. “No, I’m cleaning out my
garage…but I am doing a Native American ‘give-away’ with some of my things. “Really?” they asked excitedly. “Like what kinds of things are you giving
away?” I noticed the hot pink rollaway
desk chair a few of them had already started playing on. “Like that pink chair over there…you guys can
have it if you’d like.” Then came the squabble
over who got to own the precious hot-pink chair.
“Okay, just a minute…I
have other things to give away.” I
grabbed the bag containing the handmade Dreamcatchers, Medicine Wheels, and
Feathered Shields. They all gathered
round to look inside. “Wow…can I have
one of those!” Each of them picked out
their favorite and looked around for other items of interest. My large blue vase that my daughter, Ariel,
had made for me caught their eye as it was filled with peacock feathers. “Hey, can we have a peacock feather?” Before I could answer they each had taken two
out of the vase. “Sure, why not…I have
plenty…but limit yourselves to two.” In
gratitude they all lined up and bowed to me with a peacock feather in each
hand. “Bow to the queen…bow to the queen....bow
to the queen…” they all started chanting in unison.
Just then Stephan came
out to the garage to see what all the commotion was about and to see how I was
coming in my sorting efforts. He seemed
amused by all of it and I told the young girls (who numbered a half a dozen by
now) that I was actually an “Empress” and that he was a “Magician.” (I made that one up cause I didn’t think they
would go for two Empresses.) I was hoping Stephan would entertain them
with his juggling skills, which he’d demonstrated to me at a previous
gathering, but he seemed somewhat irritated that I was wasting time fooling
around with the neighborhood girls rather than “doing my job.”
“Oh these must be your goddesses in training,”
Stephan remarked as he shooed off two little girls who were in the garage
looking in boxes for other treasures. “Oh, leave ‘em alone…we’re just having
fun,” I replied as I started unloading boxes of “treasures” on the lawn for all
of them to sort through. “Tell you
what…I’ll put all my give-aways on the lawn for all of you to go through if
you’ll leave me alone while I sort through all of my other stuff.”
The girls and Stephan
seemed content with this agreement and Stephan started organizing boxes in the
garage. Whenever I started to stack
anything on top, I was told in no
uncertain terms…that it was in the wrong
place. I finally had to remind Stephan
that “this is my stuff and my garage and shouldn’t I be the one to organize it how I’d like?” Stephan then carefully explained his organizing
strategy and I agreed to follow it…as long as he went inside and left us
alone. Besides I was having fun playing
with the neighborhood girls.
When I came in about
three hours later, Stephan was busy at his computer designing a banner with the
logo for my website, and when I noticed that the colors and design were absolutely not what I’d had in mind, I cringed. “Hey, Stephan you better stop right now…those are not the colors of my logo. They are supposed to be primary colors…and
who told you I wanted a rectangular flag for the home page? I want circular images that depict a rainbow
vortex not linear…”
“Hey just hold on a
minute here!” Stephan’s voice was loud
and intense. “These were the colors on
the logo that you e-mailed me…I was just using what you sent.” “That’s impossible!” I responded, going to my
computer to show him the files I’d sent him.
“I don’t want to see your files…I want to see the e-mail you attached
them to!” Stephan exclaimed. “That really doesn’t matter…the files I sent
you are right here.” I pulled up the
logo on my computer and showed him both files I’d sent him which clearly used
primary colors. “That doesn’t matter to
me, Janae! It’s the e-mail that you sent
me that I used the colors from!” By now
Stephan’s voice was well into the shouting/screaming range and I decided it was
time to move away from this contentious encounter as I was starting to tear-up
again. “Well, there must have been a
translation error from the e-mail transfer and I’m not a computer expert to
figure out what happened,” I remarked matter-of-factly as I headed upstairs for
a hot bath. “Oh great! Well, I guess that’s three hours I’ve
wasted!” Stephan exclaimed. “Well, if
you’d had checked with me before you
started designing something I wasn’t involved with, then this never would have happened! Next time, let me
be present when you are designing my web pages.”
I climbed the stairs and
ran a hot mineral bath as I was drained both physically and emotionally from my
bouts with Stephan. A few minutes later
Brad came home and I begged him to bring in the rest of the stuff from the
driveway as I was totally exhausted. He
was also tired from work but when he noticed the dejected look on my face…he
complied. Stephan was still stuck at his
computer and didn’t offer to help Brad haul in any of the stuff…and Brad told me later that he was a bit “miffed”
by all of it since this “moving frenzy” was all orchestrated by Stephan.
Saturday morning we were
heading down to our 15 acres in Indianola as I’d agreed to meet Ed there to go
over a landscape design rendering he was doing for me. Brad had some errands to run before we could
leave so Stephan and I finished moving everything out of the spare bedroom
except for three foam pads Stephan was using for his bed and some bed
covers. He even wanted to move my sewing
machine cabinet out which was a real bugger to get up there in the first place,
but both Brad and I resisted moving that out…just in case.
Stephan joined us for
the hour and a half journey down to our property and was somewhat helpful in
mapping out the landscape design that I would feature on the homepage of my
website. He shook his head in disdain
when he toured the sorry remains of my $35,000 modular home—the roof had
completely caved in during the winter leaving everything exposed to the
elements. I told him, “Don’t even talk
to me about it as it’s a sore issue with Brad and me.” Ed arrived a few minutes later and was
quietly compliant as we were still healing some previous issues between
us. And Brad avoided everyone altogether
by walking around the entire perimeter of the land (for some unknown
reason). But all and all it was a
productive day.
Sunday Brad and I
invited Stephan to join us at our weekly Sunday gathering at Crystal Hot Springs but he declined
telling us “a friend” was picking him up and that they were thinking about
going for a hike. We were car-less as
Brad’s front tire on his green truck was flat and his alternator light had come
on; and so Dennis, a “beloved” and colleague from Heartsong volunteered to pick us up and drive us to Crystal as he and his son wanted to join
us. We had another enjoyable Sunday
soaking, Watsuing and celebrating with friends and family who met us
there. When we arrived home Stephan texted
Brad that he would be staying at his friend’s that night and the following
day.
“Oh, he’s just chasing
tail,” Brad remarked as we both crawled into bed. The image of a dog chasing its own tail came
to mind…but then I got his drift. I was
somewhat disappointed that Stephan wouldn’t be around on Monday as I’d wanted
to work on my website as Monday’s are usually my slow days. I’d also received a text from a former client
who was a web-builder and was interested in doing trades for building my
website, so I called him to meet on Monday…just in case.
Well, to make an
otherwise long, drawn-out story short…Stephan predictably and unsurprisingly
moved out exactly two weeks to the day he’d moved in. Of course it all had to happen on the most
inconvenient day possible…Tuesday morning…the day of my preliminary court
hearing. He’d told Brad that he’d been
asked to “house-sit” for this mysterious “friend” and that he’d be gone for a
few days. As the three of us were
getting ready to leave for court, I had the intuition to look upstairs in
Stephan’s room only to find his bed and the sorry remains of a broken
Dreamcatcher I’d left as a token gift (or should I say “totem” gift) offering
as he’d found the legend of the Dreamcatcher’s fascinating. I’d also given him a copy of my Native American Tree of Life stories
(which he also left behind) which contained the following story concerning
Dreamcatchers:
DREAMCATCHER
And is shall come
to pass afterward, that I will pour out
my spirit on all flesh; and your sons and your daughters
shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your
young men shall see visions.
And also upon the servants
and upon the handmaids in those days will I pour out my
spirit. (Joel
2:28,29)
The spirit world was most intriguing
to the Native Americans. The Elders of
the tribe and the tribal Shamans took the world of the spirit very seriously,
realizing that everything was created there before it was manifest here. Much attention was given to prayer and
ceremony, seeking attunement with the Great Spirit’s messages. Much guidance and direction came in the form
of dreams, visions and revelations. It
was customary for the members of the tribe—young and old, male and female—to
seek vision in the form of vision quests.
Visions would come by way of dreams or mystical experiences. All were noted by the Elders and Shamans to
be powerful messages from the spirit world.
Each dream, either good or bad, was
noted as a sign or message from the spirit world to the mind of the
individual. In the tradition of the
dreamcatcher, the good dreams were valued and captured on the web of the
dreamcatcher and crystallized in its center, while bad dreams were to be noted
and dispelled, sending them off the web by means of feathers attached to the
frame. This is the legend of the
dreamcatcher.
DREAMCATCHER
Dreams like wisps of cobwebs
Brush against me through the night,
Some are filled with messages
Some are filled with fright.
Some I’d like to capture
And crystallize throughout the day,
While others send off on feathers
To gently float away.
Visions and dreams were powerful
tools that the Native Americans guided their lives by. Not only did they receive messages from the
spirit in these ways, but they also noted God’s hand in everything—in work, in
nature, in word and in deed. We are all
connected to God through the Holy Spirit or the-spirit-that-moves-in-all-things
therefore the messages and visions we receive are messages to us all. It is our personal responsibility to live out
the dreams and visions that we’ve been given or otherwise we will lose our
connection to spirit and begin to die.
Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that
keepeth the law, happy is he. (Proverbs 29:18)
“Are you planning to
move out Stephan?” I questioned as I
hurried to get ready as we were late and still needing to drop off my daughter,
Destiny’s, car before I went to court.
BUSTED!! “Ahh…well…ahh…yea…I
guess I am. I decided it would be best
for all of us if I moved out…and my friend offered me a place for free.” Brad interrupted my justifiable railings as
he reminded me that if I didn’t hurry I’d be late for court. The makeup I was putting on couldn’t begin to
cover up the agitation in my face.
Brad and Stephan
jumpered Destiny’s car (as her battery had died because the inside light had
been left on all night) while I finished getting ready. They took off in the truck while I raced off
in Destiny’s car beating them to my daughter’s home in Holladay. When I finally slid into the front seat of
Brad’s truck I had more than a few words to say to Stephan. Brad sat in silence (as usual) as I
formulated my assaults asking him why
he’d deceived us in such a way to where we had wasted so much time and energy
moving him in when he was planning to do the same thing he’d done with everyone
else…move out in two weeks! Lois had mentioned to Ed (who was also
Lois’ friend) that Stephan was nosey and flakey, but in spite of Stephan’s
apparent unpredictability I still wanted to know what the new terms were of our new
agreement. Stephan wasn’t even
willing to admit to his deceptions and wasn’t even going to consider any “new
terms” until he’d thought about it for a few days. I pushed while he resisted…and the three of
us knew the conversation was going nowhere.
He texted his friend to pick him up in front of the courthouse while
Brad let me off to find a parking place.
A half-hour later Brad slid in beside me on the hard courtroom bench and
asked how things were going. I’d let off
a little steam but I was still discontent at how things went down that morning
with Stephan.
Court along with Stephan
was practically predictable. I’d been
given a new attorney named Lacey Singleton who could best be described as a
“dumb blonde.” I’d talked to about a half
dozen other “defendants” who were sitting behind me and were undoubtedly as
discouraged as I was with “Utah’s System of Injustice.” Like me they had pled their innocence all the
way up to this, their preliminary hearing, in hopes to plead their case in
front of a jury of their peers. But
instead, they’d unexpectedly had their attorney changed that day to a new attorney—just
as they were ready to plead their case.
They were “mad as hell” as they too believed that their “day in court”
had been interfered with as the attorney they’d been working with for months—Maren Larsen—had been switched
over to Lacey Singleton which meant they had to start from scratch with an
apparently incompetent attorney. I wrote
some of their names down on the back of the copy of my latest Heartsong Newsletter “Utah’s System of
Justice and a Call for Justice,” and put brackets around them with a note
“Class Action Law Suit for Obstruction of Justice.” I was going to mention this to Lacey when it
came time for our “private consultation.”
I was the last one
invited into the private consultation room just off of the courtroom to confer
with Lacey. I first offered my
condolences that she had to take on all of these new cases just that morning. “Oh that’s just normal court procedure,” she offered as I reminded her that she was
my fifth court-appointed attorney so
far to date and that I hadn’t even gotten the chance to meet my fourth—Maren
Larsen. She asked if I’d decided whether
or not to hire my own attorney or represent myself and I told her that I wanted
to meet with her first to see if she would be a good representative to defend
my innocence in court. I also rehearsed
what a friend had told me a few days earlier “that a person who hires himself
as his own attorney has a fool for a client.”
I told Lacey that the Oklevueha
Native American Church was putting together a legal defense fund for me and
that I’d already met with their attorneys, Summer Osburn and David Finlayson,
who were willing to represent me for $3,000 and take it all the way to the Supreme
Court if necessary. She then wrote down
a date on a piece of paper informing me that the court had given everyone a
continuance until May 5th as they had just passed a new law or
ruling that said that everyone was entitled to a preliminary hearing whether it
was a felony or misdemeanor charge. It
was at this “pre-trial” that the prosecuting attorney would show evidence as to
whether or not they wanted to proceed with prosecution. Interesting…I thought we’d already jumped
through those hoops with my other attorneys—Tonya Hashimoto and Debbie Levi.
“So do I need to get all
of my evidence and witnesses together to present in front of the judge at this
preliminary hearing?” I asked. “No,
that’s really not necessary…this is more about the DA’s office showing up with
their ‘state’s evidence.’ I wouldn’t
worry about getting your evidence and witnesses together until after they
decide at the pre-trial what would be the next step.” Lacey explained. I then handed her my latest newsletter and
explained that this was sort of a synopsis of what I’ve been through this past
year and a half and she could start with that before reading through all of the
other files she had piled on the desk in a large, brown accordion-type file. “Thanks,” she remarked matter-of-factly, as
she got up to leave. “You can call me
for an appointment sometime next week and we’ll go over your files.”
Brad dropped me off at
Mom’s house as I was still without my van (which was still in our trusty
mechanic’s hands now going on four months—don’t even ask) as Brad said he
needed the truck for work. I was stuck
at Mom’s until my oldest daughter, Aubrey, called saying she was coming down
from Logan with her boyfriend, Aaron, to spend the day with Destiny and
me. Aaron, a medical doctor, was doing
training for Liposuction at Hollywood
Body as he was interested in furthering his career in medical
aesthetics. We had an enjoyable day
going to lunch, shopping at Kid-to-Kid
and then I drove Aubrey down to the Business Registry to get Aaron’s and her
new business Belledante Aesthetic Consulting registered. I’d registered the Holy Vortex Foundation the Friday before so I knew all the ropes.
That evening after we
dropped Aubrey off at Hollywood Body,
Brad and I enjoyed a relaxing dinner and a movie, Limitless at Aubrey’s suggestion.
It began during the first scene of the movie where this new cutting-edge
cinematography filmed in 180 degrees.
“Wow,” I whispered to Brad.
“That’s similar to what I experienced when I had my activation or
‘awakening.’ It was like my skull had
been pulled off and I could see in panoramic vision.” As the movie continued with the storyline
about a drug called NZT that allowed the user to access 100 per cent of their
brain, I really got weirded-out as it totally described what I’d experienced a
few days earlier. How I’d been able to
access my subconscious mind in a mysterious mind-meld and how it had totally
energized me to the point that I felt “limitless.” Not limitless in the same way that the drug
had accessed the entire brain for a period of time, but limitless in the sense
that I now had access to the Divine Mind or the mind of God. It seemed like synchronicities and intuitions
had been increased to the umpth degree to where it felt like my higher infinite
self had been totally placed in control of my finite self. Dreams, thoughts, and information were like
streaming videos that I could access at will.
I thought about my lucid
dream concerning Stephan and how it didn’t turn out like it had in my dream. At
some point in my dream, all of our arguments concerning religion, spirituality
and sex finally collapsed into present moment bliss of spirit/mind/body merging
or what I teach my tantric students as complete “energy-weaving.” We had both chosen to some degree to go into
fear concerning all of our unresolved issues and instead of facing our fears
and realizing that they were “False Evidence Appearing Real,” Stephan had
chosen to “Fuck Everything and Run!” And
of course my nature was simply to “call him on his shit.”
Monday morning during my
coffee-cleanse, I felt that I needed to put closure on the Stephan scenario by
letting him know that the trust in our relationship had been broken and that I
didn’t feel I could move forward with him building my website. Just then my phone rang and spirit told me to
answer it even though I rarely answer my phone during my coffee-cleanses. It was a new “seeker” wanting to book an
appointment for a tantric session. He
then asked, “How much do you charge for sessions?” I replied, “I don’t charge but everyone is
welcome to leave a gift offering in exchange for my teachings.” I then felt spiritually prompted to ask if he
built web-sites as I prefer doing energy trades. I could hardly believe it when he replied,
“Actually, I am a web-builder and
have built hundreds of
websites.” Voila! The Universe is ALWAYS perfect! At least that’s what I thought when I booked
him for a session on Friday…which is great material for my next newsletter!
After my cleanse I went
to my e-mails and posted the following post at the end of Stephan’s invoice (not
included) which he’d sent me a few days earlier (which I won’t even get into as
it was another real slap in the face).
He then replied to me…which I then replied to him which….well, I’ll let
you judge for yourself:
From: Stephan Coutts <stephanaloha@gmail.com>
To: heartsong@webpipe.net
Subject: Trade value billed to date...total: $449 Stephan
Date: Sat, 9 Apr 2011 11:26:44 -0600
To: heartsong@webpipe.net
Subject: Trade value billed to date...total: $449 Stephan
Date: Sat, 9 Apr 2011 11:26:44 -0600
On Thu, Apr 14, 2011 at 10:08 AM, <heartsong@webpipe.net> wrote:
Stephan,
Brad and I discussed
whether or not we wanted you to host the website and do any more work on it and
we both came to an agreement that the trust between us has been broken
and violated by your deceptions and we no longer wish to work with you as
we have not come to ANY terms of agreement, therefore we do not wish to work with
you under ANY terms. Please have the hosting charges reversed from my
credit card since this service is no longer required or I will have my bank
take action. I also do not wish to be billed for any more of your services
as that was not our original agreement of doing trades for your living here and
since you have officially moved out that agreement is in default and
no other agreements have been reached. Please e-mail me my access
codes to holyvortex.com and holyvortex.org as I did pay for them
and need the URLs or codes to give to my new web-builder. I sincerely
hope and pray you find what you are looking for in your life as obviously it
wasn't to help build the Holy Vortex Foundation which is "a
divinely-inspired work founded in wisdom" as we both felt
was divinely synchronized to happen. I am writing my next Heartsong
Newsletter about all of this as I find it truly inspiring and enlightening and
so you will know my side of the entire story
concerning this. Best of luck in your future endeavors and I hope
that you will find a place to land longer than 2 weeks--that seems to be your
top limit in relationships ;-) LOLLA--J. Bird (naked as a)
Janae,
I called and thanked Brad this morning for allowing me to stay at
his house, and I want to thank you for your kindness as well. Please know that
I wish you the best for you in your life.
There was never any charges for hosting or for any of my services
ever put on your card. You paid for your domain registration for two years for
your two domains.
Please have your website guy email me at stephanaloha@gmail.com the new hosting DNS #'s and your domain names will
be connected to your new hosting company and you will have full control of your
website. You are the legal owner of your domains.
I really get that you are gifted in many areas and that you are
hearing some precious things from Source. I tried hard to understand your
current lifestyle and vision and I simply can't agree with you that it is
"Holy". I am not your judge. I will continue to use my time on this
earth to use my talents and abilities on projects that I truly believe in.
The following scripture is my prayer for all of us, blessings,
Stephan
1st Timony 2:20-21 Now in a large house there are not only gold
and silver vessels, but also vessels of wood and of earthenware, and some to
honor and some to dishonor. Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from these things, he will
be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every
good work.
Stephan,
I am so grateful that
you have NOT put yourself as my judge as to whether my inspired vision
that was given to me from God on 10/10/10 for the Holy Vortex is holy or
not as you really know nothing about me or my intentions in this matter or
anything about me for that matter. You may try reading my books for a
start. I too am trying hard to understand your current lifestyle and
state of "affairs" with the women whom you stay 2 weeks with and
then label them bi-polar or unstable when it seems that they have simply
provided perfect mirrors for you. Brad and I have been together for
over 11 years and although we've had our struggles to come to terms about
certain spiritual/relationship issues and practices, we seem to be able to
reach agreements when we are committed to serious communication with each other
about them UNTIL we can reach an agreement. We have learned the practice
of active listening which means one person gets to share their feelings until
they feel complete then the other one gets to respond (not react) to
them accordingly. This seems to work well with us in our
relationship and even though you may not agree with our "holy" and
what we feel as wholesome relationship, it seems to work for us. I prefer
not arguing scripture with you but you may want to apply the scripture you
quoted for yourself and also the one which states:
"Beware of false
prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening
wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of
thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit;
but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth
evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree
that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the
fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them."
I have tried to show
you only fruits of kindness, compassion and understanding and have shed forth
love to everyone who comes through my door. On the contrary, you have
shown confusing and deceptive fruits to me which seems to be a
pattern in your life that doesn't seem to be working for you. But like
you, I believe in the power of repentance and redemption and I do believe Jesus
holds His hands out to all who come to Him just as I continue to hold out my
hands to you in friendship. I am always willing to listen and respond, hoping
someday we can reach some type of resolution with each other. We exist
within the same circle of friends and the probability that we'll be running
into each other on occasion is high so I would like all of my relationships not
just to exist with "no hard feelings" but with a sense of loving
kindness towards each other.
I will continue to
keep you in my thoughts and prayers as I feel a bit responsible for
"dreaming you here" as it was perfect timing for me that you arrived
when you did. I'm sorry things didn't work out as lovely as they did in my
dream, but even dreams are subject to people's choices. I guess we didn't
choose well with our thoughts and actions toward one another and I am indeed
sorry for that. But it does make for good writing material and I will
send you my "rough draft" copy of my next Heartsong Newsletter
entitled "Dreamcatcher" for your input as you are the main character
in it.
Again, thanks for
sharing yourself with us the short time you spent here. I sincerely hope
that things work out for you and your life as this is my hope for all
God's children on Mother Earth. This has given me a lot of food for
thought and has motivated me to do all the work necessary for my Holy Vortex
Website. If nothing else--thanks for that!
LOLLA--J. Bird (naked
as ever--and always!)
Epilogue 4/17/11
Last evening Brad and I
went to another mind-bending movie called Source
Code. I won’t spoil the movie by
telling you the storyline but I came away with this conclusion and conversation
with Brad.
You know, I think dreams
are like small windows into the future—at least they are for me. They don’t always turn out the way you’d like
them to but they sort of give you a “choice-point” to make decisions by. Take for instance the dream I had in Maui
where I was romantically embracing Wayne Dyer on the beach and a huge tsunami
wave hit us and we were both killed. I
could have easily quit everything and everyone here in Utah, plead guilty to
“unlawful massage,” and gone back to Maui to pursue an intimate relationship
with Wayne—heaven knows my heart really wanted to and it seemed like the law of
attraction had brought us together as we were energetically matched. But somehow that lucid dream kept me from
moving in that direction. And then the
morning I heard about the huge earthquake in Japan and tsunami warnings for
Hawaii—I was concerned that my dream was going to come true; but instead of us
both being killed, I was in panic for Wayne who lived right on the beach. But then the thought came to me—can I change the
outcome of my dream by my thoughts and prayers?
So in that instant of panic, I prayed for Wayne and all of my other
“beloveds” who lived in Maui and imagined a protective bubble around them
protecting them from the tsunami that CNN had predicted would hit Hawaii. And the huge tsunami I saw in my dream never
arrived!
And then there was the
lucid dream I had about a guy named Steve who showed up at Heartsong the day after I’d dreamed about him. Every nuance in that dream came true no
matter how hard I tried to change it. I
felt I needed to have a one-on-one conversation with Steve about my Native
American visions concerning the White Buffalo Woman and the harder I tried to
get Steve to disconnect from his “wired-world of business and finance” and meet
me up the canyon to talk on an Indian blanket—the more interference was placed
in our paths. Come to find out if I’d
had that conversation with Steve at that particular time, he probably would
have connected me with his friend, Linda, who had connections with James Mooney
who could have put me under the protection of the Oklevueha Native American Church before I was arrested…and perhaps could have prevented all of this
nightmare.
But dreams and visions,
like everything else, are always predicated upon choice. I’ve had many
dreams and visions of what Mother Earth will experience during Her own “healing
time” and I’ve warned everyone I know concerning these visions. Perhaps if we could repent (turn around) from
our sins (separations within) then things don’t have to be as dramatic and
tragic as I’ve seen in my visions and dreams.
But if we simply follow the path that we are now traveling—the path of disunity, disharmony, disconnection, and
disintegrity—then those dreams are bound to come true. If we could somehow “change our minds—change
our lives” (as my beloved Wayne so aptly entitled his Toaist book) then I truly
believe we could avoid much of the hardships that we’ve witnessed over in Japan
this past month.
So my dear, Stephan,
this Heartsong Newsletter is both
written and dedicated to you as you are the subject of my most current dream
and dreamcatcher. Do you want to capture
this “divine” dream and focus it into reality through the crystal in the
center…or do you want to allow for “our dream” of peace, love, unity, joy and
bliss—in other words, heaven on earth—to pass onto the outside rim and be
floated away by feathers. It is your
choice as well as mine and I am willing to show up with my “Heart Wide Open” (the
title of one of my books BTW). The rest
is up to you.
In closing I can’t help
but include the lyrics to one of my favorite John Denver songs, “A Wild Heart Looking for
Home.” http://youtu.be/D8W50KFw4h0
Life in the city gets all closed in
When you stand in a crowd all alone
Wishing that someone would call out your number
Hoping that someone might phone
Nights in the city can drive you crazy
There’s so very much going on
Try to get quiet, you’ll miss out on something
Like someone who’s looking for
Someone who’s looking...
There, I almost got caught again
Lost in the night all alone
With nowhere to hide, crying inside
A wild heart looking for home
Sleeping without you is always cold
The nights are so dark and so long
Dreaming of touching your face in the moonlight
Filling the silence with song
Living without you the days are endless
The clock winding steadily down
Imagining footsteps, your hand at the gatepost
The wind shuts the open door
the wind shuts the open...
When you stand in a crowd all alone
Wishing that someone would call out your number
Hoping that someone might phone
Nights in the city can drive you crazy
There’s so very much going on
Try to get quiet, you’ll miss out on something
Like someone who’s looking for
Someone who’s looking...
There, I almost got caught again
Lost in the night all alone
With nowhere to hide, crying inside
A wild heart looking for home
Sleeping without you is always cold
The nights are so dark and so long
Dreaming of touching your face in the moonlight
Filling the silence with song
Living without you the days are endless
The clock winding steadily down
Imagining footsteps, your hand at the gatepost
The wind shuts the open door
the wind shuts the open...
There, I almost got caught again
Lost in the night all alone
With nowhere to hide, crying inside
A wild heart looking for home
The songbird, she trembles all day long
She sings as if her poor heart must break
Watching the freedom that flies past her window
Dreaming won’t fit in a cage
Fly away songbird, the wind still loves you
Your prison is forsaken at last
Follow your dreaming, you’re bound up to heaven
You’re reaching for something more
Reaching for something...
There, I almost got caught again
Lost in the night all alone
With nowhere to hide, crying inside
A wild heart looking for home
There, I thought of your face again
A vision to have and to hold
My spirit still sings, I’m flying again
A wild heart looking for home
A wild heart looking for home
Words and music by John Denver and Joe Henry
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