Aftermath

The “Stuff” Dreams are Made of

6/17/10

Okay, so I have a confession to make. I embellished the last part of my story where I said I actually “saw” a rainbow. I got carried away with my imagination and although the conditions for a rainbow were perfect, I didn’t actually “see” one; I only “imagined” one in my mind’s eye. I’m sure there was a rainbow somewhere, somehow in my ideal world, I just didn’t happen to see one at that particular time. But all the rest of my story about seeing the three snakes (actually there were five in all if you count the two small Garter snakes) was absolutely true! I want to make that correction so that you can trust me in the future with the facts.

As a “matter of fact,” I’d sent a letter to Jesse Fruhwirth concerning his “facts” in his “Happy Ending” story about Heartsong. I’ve chosen to include that letter below and the response I received in my inbox when I returned home:

Jesse,

Congratulations on the article--it seemed quite favorable overall, although a bit more light-hearted than expected. I hope your audience will grasp the sincerity of what I do as a holistic healer rather than just a sex therapist ;-) It's unfortunate that journalists don't allow their subjects to proofread the article before publication as there were a few inaccuracies which could have been avoided either by checking the information with my books or submitting it to me for review. Not to get nit-picky (I'm a writer as you know so forgive me) I've listed them below FYI so that you, as a news journalist, can decide what to do.

She married a college boyfriend named Kurt in 1975 in front of a justice of the peace when she was 18....and got pregnant that same year (actually I was married in 1976 at 19 and 21--two years later--when I had my first daughter, Aubrey)

6-month-old Jadon (actually Jadon was 5 weeks old when he died)

a car accident in Draper (it was actually in Riverton)

Her 10 children have all chosen mainstream LDS faith as their religion (only one of my children have chosen mainstream LDS faith as their religion--the vast majority of them have chosen my belief system--accept Jesus Christ in your life and follow the Spirit as directed)

Most people were naked in these classes (the classes were NEVER done naked--they were simply held at Harbin Hot Springs--a clothing-optional spiritual retreat. We were allowed to practice naked after class in one of the pools at night, but our classes were all done in swim-suits. I hope the school is forgiving for this misinformation)

I realize we covered a lot in the 8-hour interview and although much of the details were contained in my two books--who could expect a busy journalist to read them cover-to-cover. If you are finished reading the books, please feel free to circulate them among friends or return them to me. I certainly do appreciate your time and efforts in allowing me to share my story with you and your reading audience. I'm hoping this will be the beginning of an evolution (or "revolution" as you so aptly put) of bringing peace and love to a very troubled world. Peace, joy, love, and blessings to you and everyone--J. Bird

Hi Janae,

Sorry for this late response. I just changed my email program and for some reason it was not checking for new emails in the folder I have setup as "Heartsong." No new mail popped into it until I clicked on it. I've corrected that this morning.

I'm so swamped (no pun intended) trying to get as many angles as possible on this oil spill so I won't have time to address the errors just yet! Yikes. I hate errors. Yeah, we can't ever let others proof our stories before they go out, especially not the subjects of the stories; it's just not done. I've gotten a lot of feedback on the story and people really liked it. I'm extremely proud of it. Thank you for helping me with it. So many people I know are curious to see what happens with your case in court. Keep me up to date and I'll post updates on our blog. Our readers would definitely appreciate it.

I appreciated Jesse’s response to my appeal for accuracy in journalism as I believe it’s important when we’re telling a story to get all of our facts straight. So, again, I apologize for the inaccuracies in my previous newsletter. I will, from here on out, keep to the facts.

I’m not sure which “oil spill” Jesse was referring to—the major one in the Gulf of Mexico or the local one that started at Red Bluff Gardens and ended up at Liberty Park contaminating the entire lake and threatening the wildlife. It doesn’t take much of a prophet to realize that Mother Earth has indeed begun cleansing Herself by starting to eliminate all of the toxic waste mankind has dumped into Her. (Our extremely inclement weather with all the torrential rains is certainly another indicator. Perhaps these rains are a metaphor for Her tears.)

Oil is not necessarily a “toxic waste” as Mother Earth has a certain amount in Her to keep Her healthy. Just as in our own bodies—we have a certain percentage of oil to keep things running smoothly. But the real cause for alarm is the fact that we’ve “mined” all of this natural oil out of Mother Earth and have used it to produce products that are toxic to our environment and to our health such as gasoline and motor oil; petroleum-based products such as plastics, nylons and polyesters; food products such as dairy creamers and ice-cream; toxic chemicals used in farming and manufacturing; beauty products; Pharmaceuticals; the list goes on and on. Each time we use one of these products it causes toxic out-gases in the air and internal toxicity.

One of the things we can do to avoid accumulating these toxins in our bodies is to avoid using chemically-based products and consuming refined foods containing these products; and also drink plenty of filtered, ionized/alkaline water, eat organic foods, and breathe clean air whenever possible. Another strategy I’ve found to be quite effective for detoxifying the build-up of toxins in the liver is coffee enemas. I’ve included the recipe for them below:

High Retention Enemas

Enemas have been used for centuries for the purpose of cleaning out the large intestine. The Essenes used them anciently for self-purification. (See The Essene Gospel of Peace) Movie stars have used them as part of their daily routine. There is even an enema named after a movie star, “The Mae West” which uses coffee, sea salt, and baking soda. Garlic enemas have been known to kill parasites. I know of a friend who actually cured herself of Leukemia with the daily use of coffee enemas. As for me, I recommend a weekly coffee or herbal enema for good colon management. (Some people prefer daily enemas, but for me that seems a bit excessive unless you have a chronic disease.)

How to Administer a High Retention Enema

1. Prepare your enema by filling an enema bag with water, coffee, or herbal concoction (I prefer fresh-pressed herbs if possible). Make sure the liquid is pure, strained and at body temperature (around 100 degrees).

2. Fill the bathtub with warm water (you will want to be comfortable, as you will be lying in the tub for up to 20 minutes).

3. Hang the enema bag above your head (a showerhead works well) making sure the clamp is clamped tight.

4. Lubricate the insertion tube with a natural lubricant to glide smoothly.

5. Climb into the warm tub of water and insert the enema tube. Use the clamp or your fingers to adjust how quickly you allow the liquid into your bowels. Too quickly will cause cramping. Allow a small amount to clean out bowels initially. Void on toilet.

6. Next, allow the rest of the liquid to fill up your bowels completely. Do circular massage in a counter-clockwise motion starting from the lower left hand side, up and across, then down the right hand side (the opposite way the lower bowel moves). Do this for up to 20 minutes. Start with about 5 minutes and work up. Honor your body when it starts to cramp and you need to void. This isn’t a contest to see if you can force yourself to hold the enema. Be kind to your body. Pelvic rocks work well to alleviate cramping. I also chant to remain focused.

7. Sit on the toilet and allow your body to void the enema completely. Don’t force it at any time.

8. Finish with a warm water flush out. You may add a capful of Min-Ra-Sol Colloidal Minerals for a purging, rejuvenating effect. This enema you do not need to retain but massage is helpful. I also like to do an additional warm water rinse with a tablespoon each of vinegar, acidophilus and Aloe Vera to balance the pH and introduce friendly bacteria into the colon.

So after I did my own coffee enema cleanse the following morning, I decided it was time to start “setting my own house in order.” But before I describe all of that process—here’s a brief sidebar for you women (you male listeners bear with me or skip to the next paragraph as this may be TMI for you.) After the enema, I noticed that I’d started my period. This was somewhat surprising as I’d stopped having periods since the one in January when I’d gotten “inconveniently arrested.” For some reason, perhaps the stress of it all, had put me into what I believed to be menopause. Now, I’m one of a few holistic health practitioners who believe that menopause is simply a “dis-ease” of the reproductive system. That when we stop having regular sex because of health issues or lack of interest in our partners our bodies believe it’s no longer necessary to produce eggs and a menstrual flow. In other words, if you don’t use it—you lose it (just like prostrate problems in men). I must admit that Brad’s and my sexual relationship has suffered severely through all of this drama/trauma; and especially when Brad injured his back while moving. But he’s since been seeing a chiropractor (Dr. Peterson—the same one as mine) and his back issues have cleared up. As for my issues—I believe the green drink fast and my time alone has cleared up most of mine. Many women (like Suzanne Somers who is coming to Salt Lake on June 26) believe that the addition of HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) is the key to prolonging youth and avoiding the results of menopause. I personally believe that good health habits like a good diet including green drink, regular sex, and kundalini energy awakening is the key to eternal youth. But on with my story.

After cleansing my body inside and out, it was now time to clean-up my immediate environment—the house. Brad, acting as a typical bachelor, hadn’t done any cleaning while I was away on my Vision Quest. There were dishes left in the sink; none of the vacuuming or laundry had been done; and there was clutter everywhere. Instead of “blaming” or “guilting” Brad (because of the “pig” that most men are), I jumped in and cleaned the house from top to bottom. It was something which I enjoyed doing or I wouldn’t have done it.

I realize (real eyes) that Brad has taken the brunt of a lot of my “male-volent” (male violent) jokes, so I’m going to publicly apologize here and now to him. Also, there are members of my family and friends who have been “publicly flogged” in some of my newsletters who I want to apologize to—you know who you are. I’ve realized that a lot of my public floggings are an attempt to confront issues indirectly rather than to confront the parties involved directly with present-moment feelings at the time when the “offence” (a fence) occurs. I’ve come to realize that I’ve damaged a lot of family and friendship relationships because of this “adolescent behavior” and I want to clear that up. That, and the fact that—who wants to hang around someone whose going to write about them—good or bad—in their next public newsletter? Maybe that’s the real reason I’ve lost so many friends.

So instead of going into all of the sordid details concerning my “relationship setting in order” I’ll simply summarize: I confronted my own issues concerning Brad’s showing up “a day late and a dollar short” and his “fuck-up/suck-up” behaviors. I realized that these behaviors simply don’t work for me any longer and I’m simply going to avoid getting drawn into them. I confronted my issues with my ex-husband, Kurt, (he actually wouldn’t talk to me directly concerning them) about his using my oldest daughter, Aubrey, to manipulate his way with my teenage daughters, Kelsey and Jenny, coming down for the summer. I simply allowed Kelsey and Jenny to make their own choices and I’m simply here to support their choices. I confronted my own “family” who were living at Mom’s and accepted their sincere apologies for their “bad behavior” concerning what went down with them calling the cops. I’m still healing through a lot of hard feelings with my siblings—but at least it’s on the mend. I still haven’t totally confronted my mom concerning her “escape from reality” tendencies and at this point in her life, I question if it would do any good.

Sunday, I confronted my “clean-up” issues with Heartsong. Brad had arranged to meet his son, Jonathan, and his daughter, Holly, and her boyfriend, Jeremy, at Heartsong to help us move all the rest of the “stuff.” Brad had hired Jeremy (an unemployed Reggae pothead that reminded me of the character in the movie “Outward Bound”) to box all the stuff and help Jonathan load and haul the big stuff to a storage unit. I was left with boxing and loading some of the smaller art objects such as floral arrangements, statues, mirrors, clocks, pictures, etc.

First of all, I had to climb over a 6-foot white couch that was propped sideways in the back hallway blocking any type of traffic going into the spa. The new owners—three young conservative girls in their thirties—had attempted unsuccessfully to move the couch into the living room; but had determined it was impossible and had left it there blocking traffic. One of the owners remarked that she’d hoped her parents would buy it as they were quickly running out of money. As I clamored over the couch to make a final sweep of Heartsong (avoiding the tiles that had broken loose on the stairs) I noticed that all of the beautifully painted walls were being “white-washed.” All the royal purples, golden browns, lime greens, mauves, and rich burgundy hues of Heartsong were being painted over with white paint. It surprised me how little I cared; how unattached I had become to it all. I knew deep down in my heart that this was God’s will for me to move out of Heartsong and on to a new vision and dream—and now it was someone else’s turn to take this place over as “their dream.” (I’ll give them six months, I said to myself, as I noticed them in the other room painting some “yard-sale” looking armchairs white.)

As I sat on the winding staircase unraveling the vines of purple Wisteria, I thought—it wasn’t the “things” that mattered so much about Heartsong. The colorful walls, the statues, the paintings, the flowers, the curtains, etc.—everything so perfectly matched and elegant—it was the “spirit” of Heartsong which had drawn so many people to our doors. It was the “family of friends” who worked there—Jewell, Bella, Destiny, Tyler and I— who had created a synergistic working team that had made us so successful. I thought about how Heartsong had provided us all with an income—Bob, our landlord, Jewell and Bella (who were now able to purchase homes), my daughter, Destiny, and her partner, Tyler (who also worked there as a handyman). This had been our “home-tree.” But more important than that—the hundreds, perhaps even thousands—of people who’d come through our doors who we’d genuinely helped with so many of their health issues. We were indeed a heart-centered, holistic health center, and although the Holladay community didn’t support the type of holistic healthcare we provided and had run us out of town—they could never dampen our spirits. Jewell, Bella, and Destiny had continued working at successful home-based businesses—whereas I—well, the expertise I’d developed as a spa owner/manager had been keenly honed through my two years of experience working there. This was invaluable education that could never be taken away from me—and I knew I’d use it on my next venture—or should I say…adventure.

As I looked at the stained-glass “Heartsong” emblem embedded in the wall above the stairs, I reflected upon the times all four therapists were in the kitchen chatting gaily about our day’s exciting events. Jewell had a brilliant sense of humor (she was a female version of Eddie Murphy) and always had us “rolling on the floor” with her detailed descriptions of her latest exploits. We never lacked for a dull moment, and we all remarked that if we ever did get shut down, someone should write a sit-com and make millions off of it. It was true—we had lost our “home-tree” but it didn’t mean that the battle was over. We would eventually triumph over the real exploiters of “unobtainium” rising up as strong force to defeat them in the final battle for truth and justice. I thought of the words to a John Denver song, “sing a song for sweet Justice with a fire in Her eyes,” and I knew in my own heart that justice would eventually prevail.

Another John Denver song came to mind as I finished boxing up all the remaining “stuff”—the stuff that had made Heartsong precious and unique in everyone’s eyes. It resonated deep inside me helping me move through this difficult task of “letting go.”

And you say that the battle is over
And you say that the war is all done
Go tell it to those
With the wind in their nose
Who run from the sound of the gun

And write it on the sides
Of the great whaling ships
Or on ice floes where conscience is tossed
With the wind in their eyes
It is they who must die
And it’s we who must measure the loss

And you say that the battle is over
And finally the world is at peace
You mean no one is dying
And mothers don’t weep
Or it’s not in the papers at least

There are those who would deal
In the darkness of life
There are those who would tear down the sun
And most men are ruthless
But some will still weep
When the gifts we were given are gone

Now the blame cannot fall
On the heads of a few
It’s become such a part of the race
It’s eternally tragic
That that which is magic
Be killed at the end of the glorious chase

From young seals to great whales
From waters to wood
They will fall just like weeds in the wind
With fur coats and perfumes
And trophies on walls
What a hell of a race we call men

And you say that the battle is over
And you say that the war is all done
Go tell it to those
With the wind in their nose
Who run from the sound of the gun

And write it on the sides
Of the great whaling ships
Or on ice floes where conscience is tossed
With the wind in their eyes
It is they who must die
And it’s we who must measure the loss
With the wind in their eyes
It is they who must die
And it’s we who must measure the cost

Monday morning I awoke with another song in my heart. My daughter, Ariel (who lives in St. George and is pregnant for the second time with my 14^th grandchild—my daughter-in-law Krista is also due at the same time) sent me a musical birthday card while I was gone on my Vision Quest. When I opened it, Devin was around and we both “slap-danced” to the song together. (Devin filled in the missing words I couldn’t remember—he’s a “lyric-freak” like me.) We’d both be ruthless rivals on the game-show “Name That Tune” if it was still on the air. I asked him to name the group (I didn’t think he could) and he immediately called out “The Monkees.”

Oh, I could hide 'neath the wings
Of the bluebird as she sings.
The six o'clock alarm would never ring.
But it rings and I rise,
Wipe the sleep out of my eyes.
My shavin' razor's cold and it stings.

Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.

You once thought of me
As a white knight on a steed.
Now you know how happy I can be.
Oh, and our good times start and end
Without dollar one to spend.
But how much, baby, do we really need.

Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.

Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.

I have a confession to make. When I was in high school and first “awakening” to the fact that the Mormon Church had nothing to offer me as far as my own spirituality was concerned, I’d heard this song by the Monkees (they were one of my favorite groups back then with Davey Jones was my idol) and I’d changed the words to fit my particular situation. My mother’s name was Jean (spelled Jeanne) and I’d changed the words to “wake-up sleepy Jeanne” in an attempt to “wake her” from the illusion that the Mormon Church was the only “true church.” I also wanted her to “wake-up” and see the amazing person I’d become.

So with those words running through my head Monday morning, I decided to go visit Mom with the thoughts of trying one more time to “wake her up.” As we both sat down together on the couch for a mother/daughter conversation, she mentioned that she’d read the article “in the newspaper” (I assumed it was the CW article). I waited for this golden opportunity to open up a conversation about it, but she simply asked the question, “So how do your children feel about what you do?”

I thought deeply before answering her. “Ya know Mom, all of my children accept me for who I am—and even if they didn’t—I couldn’t care less. I’m my own person and I do what I feel is best for me. My children are incredible individuals and are all doing well in their lives. I also accept them for who they are—and love them for it.” Her face showed signs of obvious disapproval, and instead of getting into it with her, I simply got up, grabbed my mail off the table, rounded up my grand-daughter, Adaela (who’d been trying to open locked doors with my car keys) and left. I noticed the contrast (and metaphor) and I was choosing more and more these days to move quickly out of it and into the positive “vortex.”

And so, dear readers, please keep the positive things you’ve read in these Heartsong Newsletters for your own personal good. The rest—either put it on a shelf and leave it for later—or simply discard the things you consider “trash.” That’s how I’m sorting through my truckloads of “stuff” that have become the residue of my dreams of Heartsong. I’ll be signing off the air for a while (unless the Spirit has an urgent message to give to you, my “beloveds”) so I can finish editing Becoming One—the journey toward God and compiling all of these Heartsong Newsletter together for my attorney. Eventually, I hope to have them published. (My friend, Nanice, is sponsoring a writer’s contest with first prize free publishing. I hope to get these together for the deadline in July.) My other two books, Heartsong and Heart Wide Open are available for purchase at iUniverse publication and I’m still offering free downloads for those who want to save money and trees. And then, after that, I might try my hand at a screenplay for a sit-com calling it….what do ya think…Heartsong—Happy Endings?

LOLLA (Lots of Love and Laughter Always)—Janae, Jesse or simply J. Bird (now and forever naked)

BTW—Lulla was one of the few known female Buddhas who spent her entire life naked! Go figure!