Return
to Center
2/6/10
Sometimes when you feel a bit
pushed off center it’s good to take a time-out, go within, and wait until you
can return to center. That’s exactly
what I did these past few days to let the air clear and get some clarity on
what direction I should move. Of course,
I prayed about everything as I normally do, turning it all over to God, the
Universe, Our Creator, Divine Will, Higher Self or whatever you wish to call
this great unknown mystery. And this
morning I woke up with some answers.
I stayed overnight at my
sister, Cheryle’s new home in Carlsbad, California which is walking distance
from the Deepak Chopra Center. She’d
suggested that I bag Utah and try to get a job at the La Costa Spa next to the
Chopra Center where the prices of 50-minute massages start at $155/hr. The spa is beautiful and the treatments are
exquisite and living with my favorite sister in her new home is oh so
tempting. But then I awoke this morning
with the rain pelting down on the roof of the van (which I chose to sleep in
for the past three nights) and began to get down-loaded. Anyone who knows me knows that I get this
spiritual down-load each morning at the crack of dawn when my pineal gland is
activated by an Divine source which simultaneously awakens my kundalini energies which flow up through
all my chakras filling me with divine light and love. Then my inner voice begins to speak to me and
this is what it said:
Janae, you’ve been like Jonah
running away from Ninevah and staying three days and three nights in the belly
of a whale. And like Jonah and Ninevah, I’m sending you back to finish the work that you’ve
started there. You can’t bail out on
your destiny, Janae, like you’ve done in the past to your own daughter,
Destiny, when you left her and everyone else who was counting on you behind in
Montana. This is a coward’s way out!
Okay, so I then start arguing
with the spirit. Yea, but nobody in Utah
really appreciates who I am and what I do and Salt Lake’s got to be the
densest, most fallow ground on the entire planet! Why should I waste my time and talent here in
Utah when I could be so much more productive and valued anywhere else in the
country? Besides, I’m afraid of what the
law will do to me if I go back and continue at Heartsong without a business
license.
Then a feeling of warm comfort
came over me like the warm blanket I was curled up in to protect me from the
damp air. Janae, I’ve got your back and if I’ve
got your back then what have you to fear?
WOW!! What a sense of power
surged through me when I knew that God had my back—and that He/She was not only
backing me up but that I was one in purpose with God and His/Her Divine
Will. I wanted to jump for joy as the
kundalini energies went coursing through my entire body igniting me with
passion and energizing my entire chakra system with purpose.
“Okay, God, so what do you want
me to do to stay out of jail?” was my next question. Here’s the deal, Janae. You’ve been trying to serve two masters—me
and Babble-on—and it hasn’t worked too well for you, has it? I agreed—it hadn’t. Well, give up Babble-on and return to the
path of Spirit where no “arm of flesh” can harm you. Turn Heartsong completely into The Church of
the Gathering of What is Real and then I can support you in every way possible. I can’t support you if you keep being
“double-minded.”
I agreed. I suppose the most confusing part of the
court trial was trying to explain to the judge how I’d tried to keep the
“commercial” part of Heartsong separate from the “Church” part of Heartsong—to
where I could accommodate the needs of both the public and private “Church”
members. I admit that the judge couldn’t
get past the confusion to where he could see clearly my motives for my “Church
ordinances” being sacred and holy—not sexually seductive. Granted, Tantric work can be sexually
stimulating as its purpose is to awaken all
of the chakra centers—including the second one which is the sexual
chakra. But the purpose is for balance
and holism—not about a sexual experience.
As my kundalini spiraled up and
down my energy core, I realized that most people would determine that I was
having a sexual/spiritual experience at the same time—which is precisely
correct! This is what an awakened
kundalini feels like—or what the ancients referred to as Gnosis—having a direct
knowledge of God! To “know” God is to have
a sexual/spiritual oneness with Him (in my case). In the Bible to “know” someone was to
experience an intimate connection with them.
This truly is what Gnosis and Kundalini awakening is—having a oneness
with God.
This is what I tried to explain
to everyone in court—but I wasn’t surprised to find that it fell on deaf
ears. I was doing the proverbial
“casting my pearls before swine” (literally) as every cop in the audience had a
dull look of impatience on their face as I bore testimony to them for over an
hour concerning Tantric therapy and Christian Gnosticism. And, of course, I was rent wide open when
“the judge” determined that I was guilty of violating the massage rule #
XYZ!@#%5 by accidentally brushing up against the undercover detective’s genitals
twice in order to move his “stuff” out of the way to do the classic inner thigh
Lomi/Lomi stroke. This was after the cop
had perjured himself by signing both the Disclosure form and the Private
Membership form under a falsified name and had verbally consented to the
traditional, “naturist” Gnostic ordinance, giving me full permission to touch
his entire body. And then he had
signaled the “Swat Team” of cops to barge in on our “Sacred Ordinance” which
anyone would agree was “entrapment.”
But, of course, I was the
guilty one of sexual misconduct and so the judge threw the book at me taking
away my business and massage therapy license right then. (This is all
recorded in the court records if anyone is interested). Brad told me I performed excellent as my own
defense attorney and it reminded him of Veronica in Dangerous Beauty—but even better.
Nevertheless, I am now faced
with criminal charges, unpaid bills, and an eviction notice when I return
home. Is this “The Dark Night of the
Soul” I’d heard so much about in every esoteric transformational book I’d ever
read? And if this truly is the dark night of
the soul, then when comes the silver lining? These thoughts pervaded my mind as kundalini
energy shot out my third eye, spiraling me to a blissful, heavenly place. I fell back into a restful sleep until I was
again awakened by the sun shining its warm rays of dawn through the van
windows. I smiled and thanked My Creator
for the blessings that are indeed mine.
I then went into my sister’s beautiful home where she and her husband,
David, were already awake and offered me a warm shower and cup of tea.
As I stood underneath the warm
water, I again thanked God for my incredible life and the sensations of cold,
warmth and touch upon my naked body. I
couldn’t comprehend why we, as human beings, want to distance ourselves from
these wonderful sensations our receptor sites are capable of when we are naked
and open to them. Why has it become such
a criminal offense to walk around naked in public or do massage on a nude
body? My soul cried out for an answer!
That afternoon the three of
us—Cheryle, David and I—went to see Avatar
in 3D. This time I didn’t hold back the
tears of emotion that welled up inside of me when the Indigenous People were
attacked by the Sky People and their Home-Tree ravaged and destroyed. I couldn’t help thinking about my own
Heartsong “Home-Tree” that was under attack and in jeopardy of ultimately being
torn apart piece by piece and destroyed.
Do I stand up to these forces of evil that want to tear apart everything
that I hold sacred and dear? Or do I
leave behind my dreams that I poured all my heart and soul into in order to
bring healing to a tormented world?
These are the questions I pose to the universe for answers.
Tomorrow I will head back to
Utah to face each challenge one day at a time, hoping beyond hope, for a
miracle. The funny thing is—I do believe in miracles as my life has
been a series of one miracle after another in order to bring me to this present
space and time. Heartsong has been a
miracle all along the way and so I can only surrender my EGO (edging God out)
to step aside and let God work through me to see what He/She has in store for
Heartsong…and me. All I can ever hope for
is to be a hollow vessel for God to pour out His/Her love and light to a
desperate world. And that, right now, is
plenty enough.
And so when I get back, my
doors will remain open to all of my Beloveds to enjoy the benefits of Heartsong
while they are still available as members of “The Church of the Gathering of
What is Real.” I long to sit and share
with you any comments, suggestions or advice—because my heart is wide open to
you. You can e-mail me or call me at 801-953-9205
anytime. Peace, joy, love and bliss
always in all ways—J. Bird (still naked as a and always will be!)
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