8/20/10 - If Christ Returned as a Woman Today

If Christ Returned as a Woman Today

8/20/10

This Heartsong Newsletter was inspired by an e-mail I received from Ed—a dear friend of mine.  (Thanks Ed for your sense of humor and willingness to share this with me and others.)

Three men were
hiking through a forest...

when they came
upon a large raging, violent river.

 Needing to get to
the other side, the first man prayed:

“God, please give
me the strength to cross the river.”

Poof!!!

God gave him big
arms and strong legs...

and he was able to
swim across in about 2 hours,

having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that,

the second man prayed:

“God, please give
me strength and the tools to cross the river”

Poof!!!

God gave him a kayak and strong arms and legs

and he was able to
kayak across
in about an hour

after almost
capsizing once…

Seeing what
happened to the first two men,
the third man
prayed:

“God, please give
me the strength, the tools and the
intelligence to cross the river”

Poof!!!

HE WAS TURNED
INTO A WOMAN!!!

She checked the
map, hiked one hundred yards upstream

and walked across
the bridge!

So…after I read this and sent it out to all my girlfriends (and male friends who could handle it) I thought about it for awhile.  What if Christ came back as a woman in today’s world (with a brain)—what would she do differently?  With all due respect—these are the thoughts which came to mind…

First off I’d set everyone straight about the myths contained in the Holy Bible…most of them are myths perpetuated by the designing minds of men.  The Old Testament or Talmud perpetuated the myth that God is a fearful, demanding, power-hungry Patriarch with a lust for bloodshed and destruction.  Nothing could be further from the truth!  God is love…pure and simple…nothing else.  As for the elite Jewish Cohen Group who perpetuated that myth for centuries to keep all of us women in line—to hell with them!  Also, The New Testament is filled with myths and doctrines again perpetuated by designing men for the sole purpose of eliminating the feminine from the Bible and to keep all of us women again in tow.  This happened at the Council of Nicene when all the men (not one woman was present) decided which books to include in the Holy Bible. I wouldn’t consider it very holy when the word “holy” means “whole” or “complete” and how could it be when they never included any of the gospels that women wrote…like the Gospel of Mary  Magdalene for instance.  Forget the Pauline Gospels—like the ones which state that “women should be silent in church” gospel. If you want any truth in the Bible, focus on the first four Gospels, the Apocryphal, Gnostic, and Essene Gospels if you want the true history of Jesus Christ.  Remember once again…Gospel means “good news”…anything other than that cometh of evil.

So if Christ came back as a woman, I think this time around I’d keep my own journal as an autobiography about my own life.  (And then wait for Oprah to discover me and have me on her show so that my books would become best sellers while I’m still alive!)  I’d tell my viewing audience NOT to make a religion out of my life’s story but simply listen to what I have to say and if it sounds good—then follow my example.  That would eliminate a lot of conflict, bloodshed and wars for the next 2,000 years!  I’d use the proceeds from my books to build “eco-villages (economically and ecologically sustainable villages) or intentional communities of love and light based on my concept of “living all things common.”  This was never understood as simply a gathering of “family of friends” for those who see what is real and share common beliefs.  Instead they tried to make a “church” out of it! I never “preached” in any “church made with hands.” Most of my sermons (my favorite was the “Sermon on the Mount”) were done out-of-doors as I felt Mother Nature is our greatest teacher.  I’d also write “how-to” books on how to become “one with God” and tell everyone “the secrets of the ageless”.

If I ran into some difficulties or resistance from the law because I lived my truths based on perfect love, peace, freedom and bliss, then I’d move to another state or country realizing from my past mistakes to “not cast pearls before swine” or in other words “don’t try to teach a pig to sing as you’ll simply frustrate you and the pig.”  (I’m wondering if that’s where they came up with the slang word for cops ;-)  I’d also remember my own advice that “a prophet is never received in his own hometown.”  I’d move to another state or country regardless of the myth that “I should bloom where I’m planted.”  If my flowering plant doesn’t thrive where it’s originally planted—I’d simply transplant it to somewhere else where it does!  I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone as I wouldn’t want to repeat the crucifixion scenario again as that was really painful!  I’m into bliss these days, thank-you, not pain!

Speaking of bliss—I’d have a lot of it this time around.  I’d have plenty of lovers (like King David and Solomon) and oodles of children and grandchildren to “fulfill the measure of my creation.”  Plus I’d spend quality time with good friends and family in exotic places enjoying the “fruits of my labors.”  I’d probably move to Hawaii and be surrounded by enlightened followers like Ram Dass and Wayne Dyer.  I’d go parasailing, scuba-diving, river-rafting, hiking, surfing, skiing (water and snow), snorkeling, swimming, horseback-riding, dining, dancing, and general fooling around and partying.  I’d enjoy Ananda Nirvana massages on the beach naked with no guilt or shame if I or the massage therapist gave each other “happy endings.”  No pain and suffering for me this time around—it didn’t seem to serve humanity back then and so why should I repeat the same scenario?  Unless they “get” the at-one-ment which I sacrificed for them on the cross—I might as well explore the at-one-ment I can enjoy in each relationship I encounter!  I’d tell everyone to “get off the cross—we need the wood for building community.”

Last but not least—I’d use all of the modern technologies (including the internet) to connect with others and spread my Gospel (good news) to everyone who will listen. There’s a lot of fish in the sea and the inter“net” seems like a good tool to catch the ones who are truly interested in my “good news.”  The good news being that this life is meant for your personal fulfillment of joy and bliss.  That’s why I created everything on this planet!  It’s all for your joy and bliss!  Please remember this and try to keep my creations safeguarded as do you know how hard it is to create a blowfish?!  Try it some time and see how you come out.  Try creating an entire planet!  Life is sacred and holy so keep it as such!  Also, I love variety and that’s why there is so much variety in the world.  Enjoy the variety—it is the spice of life!  Especially in relationships!  And BTW—sex is to be enjoyed not exploited or controlled by others!  Enjoy your bodies and especially your orgasms!  It’s when you are making love to each other that I feel the closest to you.  But one hint: Spiritual connecting through Tantric worship is about a thousand times better than sex!  That is the true worship of God—so do it often!  And know this for a fact: I LOVE ALL OF YOU—YOU ARE MY CHILDREN FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!!  And my Beloveds!