2/9/10 - Sweet Surrender

Sweet Surrender

2/9/10

This morning I awoke to the words of a favorite John Denver song playing heavy on my mind.  I couldn’t remember all of the words so I went downstairs to find the exact lyrics from the book, John Denver—The Complete Lyrics so I could share them with you.

Sweet Surrender

Lost and alone on some forgotten highway

Traveled by many, remembered by few

Lookin’ for something that I can believe in

Lookin’ for something that I’d like to do with my life

There’s nothin’ behind me and nothin’ that ties me

To somethin’ that might have been true yesterday

Tomorrow is open and right now it seems to be more

Than enough to just be here today

And I don’t know what the future is holdin’ in store

I don’t know where I’m goin’, I’m not sure where I’ve been

There’s a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me

My life is worth the livin’, I don’t need to see the end

Sweet, sweet surrender

Live, live without care

Like a fish in the water

Like a bird in the air

Sweet, sweet surrender

Live, live without care

Like a fish in the water

Like a bird in the air

I then looked on the opposite page which talks about the inspiration for “Sweet Surrender” which originally was called “Sweet, Sweet Life” and in John Denver’s own words he explains about the song:

The album Whose Garden Was This is pretty much a joyless album.  I tried to bring it back at the end with the song “Sweet, Sweet Life.”  I felt as if I’d reached the end of my tether.  As depressed as I was and as heavy as everything felt to me (life was not worth living), my absolute prayerful and agonizing cry was to live.  Give me one more chance.  Let me find once again the joy and the celebration.

WOW!!  I cried to myself.  This is the song John came up with as he was going through his “Dark Night of the Soul,” and now it has come to mind in my own dark night of the soul.  The message is crystal clear: sweet surrender is the only way of making it through these darker days.

Anyone who knows me or has read my book, Heartsong, knows that I am very connected to John Denver and his music.  In fact, the song, Heartsong, which I received by Spirit through the veil the morning after his death (I didn’t know he had died at the time) was the inspiration for my book, Heartsong, and also for Heartsong Healing Center.  Also, I personally believe John Denver is my “soul-mate” and one of the reasons I have taken on the name “Jesse” who is the mysterious woman in many of his songs (Whispering Jesse, The Harder They Fall, I’d Rather Be a Cowboy, Jenny Dreamed of Trains, etc.) and also the main character, Grandma Jesse, in my book, Heartsong.  But that’s another story for another day and you can read all about it in my soon to be published book, Heartsong.

Right now I want to deal with the present moment and what is happening right here, right now at Heartsong.  As many of you know I went to my Holladay District Court hearing last Wednesday where the judge (one person, mind you, who I’d never met and has never been to Heartsong) determined (I believe before I even had a chance to testify) that what I do here at Heartsong is illegal and with one fell swoop of his pen invalidated my business license, my massage therapy license and anyone else’s right to participate in services here at Heartsong.  WOW!!  That’s one powerful man with some incredibly powerful rights to be able to invalidate everyone else’s rights who live in this valley to participate in services here at Heartsong and to order Heartsong “closed to the public.”  I was astonished and the only thing I could say to him in reply was “That is so harsh!”

That night I couldn’t sleep, thinking about the injustice of it all and how I’d disappointed everyone in my life—especially my therapists and family—and so I fled to Yuma (as I’d left some food in the refrigerator that I knew would spoil) and eventually ended up at my favorite sister, Cheryle’s, front door.  I felt rather desperate at the time—and I’m not sure whether I was moving out of desperation or inspiration—but many of you received my last Newsletter, “Return to Center,” explaining all of what happened.  In the few days I was there with my sister, we were able to draft up a letter to our family attempting to resolve some family issues which many of you are aware of.

I got home late last night and this morning went to my e-mails and to my surprise and delight, I had a dozen or so e-mails offering genuine love, support and concern for the struggles I’ve been going through.  A huge heart-felt thanks and appreciation for all of you who have called or e-mailed me your love, support and concern.  One of my favorite e-mails was the following from Travis, a dear friend and client of mine:

It is a fine line to walk between staying true to ourselves our inherent freedoms, and letting fascists take advantage of us. Some things that come to my mind is when some doors close other shall open. I used to peak hike several years ago, sometimes you attempt a mountain and the mountain spirit has decided it is not the right time for you to peak it. Many people do not know themselves well enough to know when they should turn around to conquer the peak another day, and attempt anyway, and sometimes they get away with it and other times they can suffer terribly or even die. One time we were attempting to climb a mountain and it got to the point that we had decided that it is sometimes better to turn around and live to attempt it another day, the mountain will always be there. The trick is to know when the timing is right. Sometimes we have to learn from our failed attempt to be fully prepared for what the mountain has to throw against us. When the season is right the Mountain Spirit will want you on top of it. Also sometimes it is better to peak the mountain with some company to enjoy the view with  :)  I am looking forward to a positive heartsong future for all involved. I hope education is the key, I can relate with you that the fields in these here parts needs some work'n before they can bear some decent fruit :) 

~ Travis (not as naked as a J. Bird but hopefully will be someday) - metaphorically speaking of course :) 

Travis, you don’t know how much that meant to me this morning as I’m figuring out just what to do here at Heartsong.  I know I can’t “peak this mountain alone” and I need the help of some company to enjoy the view with.  So then I went to my daily Tarot card reading to see what the spiritual forecast was for me today.  (These are amazingly accurate, believe it or not!)  It read:

As these cards would suggest, Temperance and the Sun will make sure that your personal relationships are characterized by harmony and warmth today, dear Jesse. Your own feelings are completely in tune with those of your significant other. You spend hours and hours talking about your future and the universe. and your interaction is sincere and full of tenderness. This climate of mutual trust and understanding gives you both a tremendous boost. Certain people are trying to stir up trouble in your professional environment, and yet you're managing to preserve an Olympian calm. You're not exactly the rebellious type! The Tower and Temperance indicate that the world could collapse around your ears, and you'd still know how to adapt to the change and rebuild on the ruins. You're a shining example to others!

How absolutely comforting and inspiring this reading was for me this morning!  And in keeping with the statement “You’re not exactly the rebellious type!” I believe that “the pen is much stronger than the sword.”  And also in attempting to be “a shining example to others,” I’m reminded of one of my favorite sayings by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 Inaugural Speech:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you NOT to be?

You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the World.

There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Another of my favorite sayings (which I’m not sure how the quote goes exactly and who said it) but it goes something like this—“The greatest evil that exists in the world today is for good people to do nothing when faced with injustice.”

Many of you have inquired how you can help me in my fight against injustice.  As I’ve said before—this is not just my own fight against injustice, but since we are all in this together—it is your fight, too.  All of our personal and religious freedoms are at stake here and if I win—everyone wins—and if I lose—everyone loses.  That is how powerfully we are connected in the universal oneness.  And so here is a list of ways in which you can help.  This is my personal “wish list,” so to speak, and as always it’s up to you, the individual, to determine how you can best help.

1)    My landlord has graciously given me until February 15, to come up with the rent money of $3,000, or he will begin foreclosure proceedings.  If there is any one of you willing and able to loan me the $3,000 until we can get back on our feet again, I would graciously accept and appreciate it.  I will promise to pay every dime of it back.

2)    Heartsong will continue to be open to members who have paid for their yearly membership.  If we don’t get the funding we need, we will be forced to close our doors and I will have to “bankrupt” all memberships as I have no way of paying the money back to you.  For those of you who wish to continue to support us as “The Church of the Gathering of What is Real” which we must legally transfer everything into, please read the attached letter concerning the provisions of our “Church.”  As always we appreciate your continued support and prayers.

3)    I need to find a good constitutional lawyer to defend me in my upcoming criminal case which the arraignment begins at 9:00 on February 12, (that’s this Friday).  I can go it alone, but it was quite brutal and intimidating last time I attempted to defend myself in court.  I’m also wanting to seek an appeal for the last court’s decision.  Because of Christmas and putting all of our extra money into remodeling the downstairs and putting in a “Relaxation Station,” for our current members, we are completely broke.  I never anticipated this would happen, so I can’t pay for attorney’s fees, so if you do know of an attorney that will work “pro se” or will take his fees in payments or trades—please send him my way.  If not, I will be stuck with a court-appointed attorney who may or may not be in my best interest.

4)    We need to get this story outside of Utah so that other light-workers can support this cause.  So if you have any connections with the media or prestigious light-workers that can have some real influence concerning all of this (Associated Press, Oprah, Wayne Dyer, Gregg Braden, Louise Hay, Deepak Chopra, etc.) please forward this e-mail along with the attached affidavit.  Also, those of you who are journalists, I would appreciate an enlightened article in one of your newspapers (you know who you are).  I will be glad to do an interview and the transcripts from the Holladay District Court Hearing should be available to the public for reference.

5)    Any and all of you can forward this to your e-mail list.  Those of you who are leaders or affiliated with other larger groups who share similar concerns (The Oneness Movement, Conscious Business Circle, Shaking Medicine, The Cottage Crowd, Tantric Meet-up Group,  Utah Polyamory, Utah Naturist, The Zen Center, Spiritual Living Center, The Inner Light Center, etc.) you could write up petitions for your group to sign and send them to the proper government agencies.  Right now the only government agency who has gotten involved is Holladay County.  The phone # for the Holladay Justice Court is 801-273-9731 and the address is: 4580 S. 2300 E, Holladay, UT  84117 for any of you who’d like to call in a formal complaint or send in a petition.  There is power in numbers and also power in oneness and if these two are combined—we have all the power in the universe.  Let’s see what this kind of power can do.

6)    The strongest power and influence I know of is prayer.  Even if you aren’t a prayerful person, concerted, focused prayer can work wonders in the Divine Matrix.  Please pray for me in your own way, and if any of you are interested in a group prayer—please come to our Sunday Celebration this Sunday to join us in the Quantum Light Breath Meditation, group prayer, brunch and a soak in the Jacuzzi (clothing is optional).  It would be nice to have the fellowship of friends during this period of transition.

Please feel free to e-mail me or call me at 953-9205 for any advice, questions or concerns.  Heartsong’s doors will remain open to everyone until we transition through this or I am forced to move elsewhere to do the healing work that I feel is so essential to this valley.  You are my “beloveds” and I do feel your genuine love and support.  Peace, joy, love and bliss always and in all ways—yours always—J. Bird (still naked as a and always will be)   P.S. My favorite movie is Always so I can’t help but love the word!