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Tuesday, October 16, 2012

4/14/11 - Dreamcatcher


Dreamcatcher

4/14/11



It’s hard to decide exactly where to begin…when I first met Stephan.  But for the sake of continuity let’s say I first physically met Stephan on Thursday, March 24, at my friend, Claudia’s, future healing center called Light Source (I believe).  Stephan was signing up everyone who had gathered there for a free introductory offer for his Epic Truth reading—a horoscope/numerology program he’d personally developed to supposedly connect you with your soul’s purpose.  And so Brad and I both became volunteers to try out his new “Epic Truth” for amusement sake if nothing else.  And so when Stephan downloaded my reading (which I copied below, typos included) I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at some of the reading’s remarkable accuracies which I’ve highlighted:

www.myepictruth.com
Janae Thorne Born on 05-30-1957
~ Your successfully decoded true self and destiny ~
(A copy of this report has been sent to heartsong@webpipe.net)

 Dear Janae,
since you are now reading this, You have somehow reached an important place in your awakening process. You are now ready to know the truth about who you are and why you chose to have this amazing physical experience on planet Earth. Strange as it may seem, the words you are now reading are you own... energetically penned prior to you incarnation and arrival here on Earth.

First, you should know that being in the physical world that you are now in was a great dream of yours, a great journey you consciously chose to be on. From here I can only imagine what it is like to have physical skin, sensual touch, hunger, pain and yes, even the challenge of mortality. What an incredible opportunity to experience life on the edge. The shear thrill of being ALIVE!!! YOU MADE IT!!!

This is a time of GREAT AWAKENING on your planet Earth and this letter will help you awaken to the amazing person you are. It's time to wake up and remember that you have a specific destiny that you desired to accomplish in this lifetime. Now you will understand how perfect you are and how perfectly you chose your so called avatar for this task.

After pondering all that you desired to achieve in this lifetime you made the following perfect choices:)

True Self Essence is the sum of powerful natural inclinations, talents and abilities that enable I to successfully accomplish and overcome any of the challenges I encounter in this incarnation. (3)
I joyfully chose to enter this life with a strong sense of creativity and with wonderful communication skills.

Qualities of Mind
My mind is very leader.
Key traits: leader, active, versitle, active, inquiring,
(Each word represents a letter, duplicates increase its strength.) 
Inner Motivation
My inner motivation is very cooporative.
Key traits: cooporative, watchful, opionionated, thorough, versitle, inquiring,
(Each word represents a letter, duplicates increase its strength.) 
Executive Abilities
My executive abilities are very Normal... no third name given..
Key traits:
(Each word, represents one letter, duplicates increase it's strength.) 
True Self Picture is a word picture that describes my chosen true self in vivid imagery. (3)
The Empress is the creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love.
Hearts Desire is the deep cry of my heart that longs to be satisfied. Find its thread in each step of my path and it will reward me with joy and richness in my life. (9)
Beating deep inside, your heart is a desire to serve the whole world.
Desired Destiny is my spiritual mission, my highest life purpose. When I center my thoughts and actions on my desired destiny I will feel the wind fill my sails. (3)
My destiny is in self-expression. I am the happest when I am expressing your love to my mate.
Destiny Picture is a word picture that describes my chosen destiny.
Two of Clubs:
Twos are considerate, cooperative, receptive, and agreeable. They go out of their way to lead a balanced, peaceful, and harmonious life. If expressed negatively, they may be dependent, indecisive, overly subjective, and lacking in willpower.
Curious, communicative, creative. Courts are the suit of communication, ideas, People belonging to the Clubs suit believe in the power of intentions and ideas. They may be in love with words, they may search for the truth and for meaning. They rarely hold a grudge because they are able to rise above emotions and actions and find explanations or excuses for others' actions. On the negative side, they can use words as weapons, and they can finagle their way out of a jam with their clever minds by stretching the truth.
Self Perception is how I perceive my myself. (3)
I see myself as attractive, charming and amimated personality
Other's Perception is what others sense, feel and think when they encounter me. (6)
Others see me as one by way of your appearance or personality fosters an atmostphere of harmony and well being.
Perceptive World Lens gives me perspective by which I view the world. The ancient Chinese scholars studied the stars and correctly ascribed powerful life forces to each birth year.
I chose the Chinese Element of Fire

I chose the Chinese year of Rooster
Roosters are the most eccentric of the Chinese zodiac. They are full of dreams and romantic ideas. They are colorful and attractive, radiant and dashing, and they are quite proud of themselves. Roosters are organized, precise,and their sharp eyes seek out fine details in everything. They are perfectionists and leave no room for human error. To Roosters, a difficult task is a challenge. They dearly love starting controversies. Roosters express themselves very well both in writing and speech. They are knowledgeable in most subjects you wish to discuss. When you challenge them you must be prepared for a long fight. Their stamina is amazing and they win their point at all costs. Even when they are wrong, they will still be right in one way or another!

Roosters can be blunt and brutal. Their direct approach to life makes them poor diplomats. They speak their minds with little regard for the feelings of others.Why should others be upset? Roosters are right, aren't they?

Roosters are good at handling money and their self-control with keeping budgets is phenomenal. They are not miserly, and in fact, they can be extremely generous and giving. They simply want their finances in complete accord, and yours, too. If you have trouble, Roosters quickly straighten you out whether you want them to or not. Don't be ungrateful either, you should be glad they condescended to help you at all. Roosters are careful with their time and you only deserve so much, so plan things well. Roosters are sincere in their desire to help and no one can carry out important tasks like them. Just be certain your orders are explicit and don't expect them to improvise for you on their own time.

Roosters are ambitious and they reach for the sky. They have a deep passion for their chosen fields, and they are very creative. They usually start out young in life and enjoy success early in their careers. They do well in their own businesses. They are meticulous and competent enough to make things work. When they set out to accomplish something, they leave no stone unturned. They probe deeply with their inquisitive, busy minds. They never remain still. Roosters must learn that some things take time. No matter how competent they are, they can't reprogram the whole world to fit their schedules! They achieve the most amazing things, but Roosters always become eccentric over the final details.

Never underestimate Roosters. They are optimistic and dauntless. They never change their course of action even if the world thinks they are wrong! They are so determined to make some of their wild and idealistic plans work that their plans often do work. With their many splendid talents and eccentric ways, Roosters hit it big! 
Personality Flavor gives me traits and a filter that guides my thoughts and actions in the world. For over 4000 years ancient western astrologers studied the stars and correctly ascribed powerful life forces to each birth date.
I chose Gemini

Soul Summary is an important look at the dynamics of the combination of my Western and my Chinese astrology together.
I chose Courtly Cavalier:
The performing Gemini is herein blessed with a complement of the Rooster persuasion. Performance meets grit. Rooster loves to swagger and swashbuckle, wears finery with aplomb and carries it all off as though he'd been born in a backstage wardrobe trunk. Gemini/Roosters, as actors or teachers or doctors or show business personalities, have it all over their competition. Talent? Yes. These people do have a certain amount of interpretive skill. But their strongest card is resilience. This Gemini/Rooster is a walking trampoline. Nothing, not illness, not rejection, not sorrow or self-pity, can keep this good person down. The sex lives of attractive Gemini/Roosters are epic. Everybody wants to sleep with this gorgeous creature. The men are often born Don Juans and the women willing sexual partners.
Special Power-Ups give me special enhanced powers to fill in holes in my character and traits.
I chose Your birthday on the 30th day of the month shows individual self-expression is necessary for your happiness. You tend to have a good way of expressing yourself with words, certainly in a manner that is clear and understandable. You have a good chance of success in fields requiring skill with words. You can be very dramatic in your presentation and you may be a good actor or a natural mimic. You have a vivid imagination that can assist you in becoming a good writer or story-teller. Strong in your opinions, you always tend to think you are on the right side of an issue. There may be a tendency to scatter your energies and have a lot of loose ends in your work. You may have significant artistic talent and be very creative. :

2011 is my year for Shine Brightly (3)
That which you have been sowing will be apearing! Get into the limelight and let your light shine. Be uniquely you, with a artistic flair. You gain through creativity and focus!
You may need to spend more time alone in reflection or meditation. You might feel more depressed or like you have a need to escape the world. Some people also become very obsessed with one particular creative project or one person during a 7 Personal Year.
In January your money picture becomes much brighter. You will be pleased to hear of some kind of inheritance or grant that helps you slow down a bit so you can take the time to take care of yourself and do a bit of soul searching. By February you will be able to follow up with a spiritual quest and presented with an opportunity to investigate a matter that has to do with the occult or spirituality more intensely.
March is the ideal time to strike out on your own, look for a new job or start a fitness program. Many people realize experience strange and unusual events at this time that nudge them onto their true path. Although the changes are uncomfortable at times they serve to break bad habits that may be holding us back.
In April you may be consumed by a brilliant idea and looking for ways to rearrange your life so that it can accommodate your grand plans. May will likely be the most social time for you in 2011.The universe will probably manifest kindred spirits and people who can help you accomplish your dreams?
June could bring a period of hardship. You may face a lot of criticism or feel misunderstood. Take care of yourself as you are more prone to health problems at this time. July could also bring bit problems in your interpersonal relationships. You could be dealing with addictive or unhealthy people or people that are exploiting you for their own gain or credit. If you need to leave a situation for brighter prospects it is highly recommended at this time.
August is a much saner time for you. Everything will come a bit easier to you including money and the love and appreciation of friends and family. However you are still in danger of attracting unsavory or needy types into your life who may be trying to exploit you in some way.
In September you will feel like shutting yourself away to work on yet another creative project. You may also be quite concerned with expanding your self-awareness. If a health issue that was concerning you earlier this year has not been taken care of then you get a second chance to have it resolved in October.
November brings you a new love and possibly a new set of supportive friends. You will feel a little less like isolating and more confident about selling yourself and your ideas.
By the end of the year you will feel like your life is blossoming. Many nagging issues, some of them years old, will have been resolved and you will feel that your future is quite bright.

Current Year Picture
The Hanged Man. With Neptune (or Water) as its planet, the Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.
2012 is my year for Work Hard
After all the FUN you had last year, it's time to buckle down and WORK for a solid future! Concentrate your forces into building a strong foundation for what you want to achieve in the years to come. Work HARD, stick to a budget, use common sense so your material affairs can be on the upswing in the years to come. You can rest when this year is over!
2013 is my year for Experience Freedom
This year gives you a strong desire for personal freedom! This is a good time to break away from work responsibilities of the last 5 years. A good time for travel, new people and endevors, but don't make anything permenent. Welcome whatever and whoever comes into your life.
2014 is my year for Accept Responsibility
You had your freedom last year, now is the time to settle down and assume responsibilities in your family, marriage and business affairs. Enjoy family and group activities together. A time to sort out, tie up loose ends for happiness and contentment. Good time for intelictual or spiritual growth too.
My 2015 is my year for Enjoy Solitude
This is a great time to look within, take time to be yourself. This is the time to analye, study and perfect what ever you are interested in. Imagination runs high and may be put into use in artistic ways. Expect the pace to be slower, so be patient with slow, deep inner growth, Moderation is good, avoid unnatural stimulents or overindulgence to prevent serious consequences. Trust your inner truth!

Up until now you were led to believe by your society, those in authority, parents, teachers bosses etc., that you could not know your true self, destiny, hearts desire, etc. You were keep in the dark that there is indeed a deep mathematical system of order in this world. This darkness has caused all of us to be captives performing the actions of slavery to society, play it's roles, not our chosen purpose. We have been trying to do another's destiny, not our own... and this has caused us to even doubt our own perfection. Based on the mere fact that the info in the report was decoded only from your birth name and birthday points to a deep and accurate mathematical structure to the world you are now in. Now you know everything is perfect for your chosen purpose... Take time to ponder and consider the information in this letter, your belief in my own perfection for the purpose in which you came here will grow. Most likely you will never see yourself in the same dim light again:) Now you know that you are beautiful and perfectly form to be you!

Let your light shine and please share this site with others!
Share with your Facebook friends, so they can get their epic truth report too!!!
"To thine own self be true... it's YOUR greatest gift to the WORLD"
Copyright 2010     www.myepictruth.com    Crystalline Age

After downloading, reading, and translating my “epic truth” for me, I felt a mysterious, sort of mystical connection to Stephan that I couldn’t put my finger on—but it felt like I knew him from somewhere or some other time before.  But that happens a lot to me so I just chalk it up to divine synchronicity playing itself out.

The next night, Friday night, I was invited to attend another event (see ad below) that was e-mailed to me by Ken Wolcoff, a good friend of mine who was the first Deeksha-giver for Utah and had established what he calls “Oneness Utah.”  We’d been following each other’s colorful careers for the past few years and I always try to show up for Ken when the spirit calls.  This event seemed to call to me and so I attended it with Brad.  Some of the Deeksha folks from the gathering the previous evening also attended, including Claudia and her business manager, Cam.  I ended up sleeping through most of the meditations, however, as I was a bit exhausted from staying up way past my bedtime the night before.

Light Grids with Damien Wynne

Introductory Evening and Healing
Friday March 25, 2011

Inner Light Center 
4408 South 500 East
7 PM - 10 PM
Cost for evening $20  
   
There will also be a six hour workshop on Saturday for those who are interested. 

Group   Healing Workshop
Saturday March 26, 2011
10 am - 4 pm
cost $100

Damien has developed his channelling and healing skills
by working with high vibration beings and entities,
and by being taught by them how to effectively and significantly
help people to clear blocks, and mental and emotional patterns,
so that they can come more into alignment with their Higher Selves. 
 
Damien is offering
- group-clearings
- single sessions
- a set of 2 activation-sessions
- 4-day-education
 
Light Grids Activation is a technique,
which has been channelled from source directly,
to help us clear fears, patterns from our family line,
past lives, DNA, and programs from this life
so that the soul can be fully grounded into the body.
allowing the person to become a living channel,
always in harmony with the universal shifts.
It works on a cellular level and activates and clears the cells,
filling the cells with unconditional love and laughter.
This is a “once-in-a-life-time-activation” - there is no need to repeat it.
You must do it in two stages within a time period
of a min. of 24 hours and the latest 1 month.
 
In the 4-day-education you will learn
how to pass on this activation-technique to other people.

Light Grids is, if you imagine, a tablecloth made of threads of fibre optic cables.
All are containing strands of information and each one is different.
Some are for reprogramming with new information connected to the stars,
others are connected to energies from this Earth, and all connecting to our cells (DNA).
Others are for clearing blocks, and some are connected to timelines with our past,
past lives and the beginning of time.
All are interwoven with each other.

So, no matter where on that cloth you pull the thread it will have an affect on all.
Now, imagine 10 of these tablecloths and more,
they are all connected on many levels in space, time, and dimensions.
So, working on one thread, is still having an effect on all.

This is Light Grids; by touching anywhere you are connected to all.
These are multi-dimensional Light Grids,
and you can work these Grids with individuals or groups, whole families and friends.
Anyone, that you are connected with, will be affected by it.
The more we connect to it, the stronger and lighter it will be.
This is how the Group Clearings are working; we all connect to these Grids.
Its very personal yet connected to all.
 
And: this work is never invasive.
It only goes as deep as you allow it to
in alignment with your Higher Self.

Damien: “I am excited about teaching Light Grids
to anyone who feels a pull to it.
You do not need to have past experience in this type of work.
It will open your blocks up, and its up to you if you want to sort them out.
We all have free will, so we can take this as far as we like.
Just ask that voice inside: is it for you?”

Again, this event lasted well past my usual 10:00 bedtime and so Saturday morning Brad and I chose to sleep in.  At around noon we did our usual coffee-enema cleanse along with spending some leisurely time giving each other tantric massages.  We always spoil each other on the weekends and are very selfish with our time together; and it felt heavenly after a busy, productive week.  Then at 6:00 we met Jeff and Lori Jenks for dinner at Sweet Tomatoes, drove back to our place, and spent the rest of the evening well past midnight listening to their incredible, emotionally-charged story of being arrested for prostitution in their own home in Cedar Hills.   (See previous Heartsong Newsletter “Utah’s System of Injustice” for details.)

Sunday morning we again slept in and then around noon travelled to Crystal Hot Springs to meet with family and friends for our now regular “Church of the Hot Springs” gathering.  Brad relaxed in the hot and cold pools while I facilitated a half dozen or so Watsus.  I didn’t mind as I really do love giving Watsus to people.  It provides a good outlet for my ministry since Heartsong was shut down and since I can’t hold regular meetings anywhere else; it also serves those who show up as an alternative “church” to the usual sitting three hours on a hard bench listening to…well, you get my drift.  I was both energized and exhausted when I finally got to bed Sunday night and fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

Monday morning I got up at my usual hour of 7:00 to prepare coffee for Brad’s and mine every-other-day-coffee-cleanse.  I woke Brad up at 8 to let him know his coffee was ready.  I really took my time cleansing that morning (as I overate and drank that weekend) even though I had a tantric student/practitioner scheduled to arrive at 11.  I was into my final rinse-out when a really weird thing happened.  It had occurred a couple times before but not to this degree.  It felt like suddenly all of my subconscious thoughts had become conscious—like they were in a sort of filing cabinet that I could access simply by thinking of a key word and then all of a sudden that file or tape became available to me in FAST MOTION.  Key words or pictures kept popping into my head like de-ja-vus and then the entire tape flashed into my conscious mind.  Dreams I’d had, past experiences, subliminal information and knowledge, and even future premonitions all seemed to be available to my conscious mind in a weird sort of “awakening.”  Then all at once it felt like my past and future collapsed into present-moment time.  It felt like the top of my skull had been literally pulled off to where I could see in 360 degree panoramic vision.  No more tunnel-vision, my mind expanded into some sort of “cosmic consciousness” I’d never experienced before.  It was almost too much for my mind to handle and part of me started to panic. 

And then everything made total sense to me…EVERYTHING!!  Why everything had happened the way it had and that I didn’t need to worry about anything anymore…that everything would simply be taken care of by some divine source outside of myself.  And yet part of me couldn’t comprehend what was happening to me and so again I panicked.  I first called Brad to tell him what was happening to me.  He really couldn’t wrap his own mind around it and didn’t have any advice other than to go outside and get grounded.  It was freakin’ cold outside so that was out of the question and I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to stop what was happening to me.  It was both very real and very surreal at the same time.  Then the thought came to me—call Ken—he’ll know what to do.  Ken’s been around this type of Guru/Buddha/Enlightenment sort of thing longer than I had and he’d for sure know what was happening and what to do about it.  So I called Ken.

I tried to explain to Ken what was happening and he mentioned that Damien and his partner were still in town staying at his place and did I mind if he put me on speaker phone.  “Sure…why not,” I said.  As I tried to describe what was happening to my brain they both responded almost simultaneously… “Great!  We found the one who has been activated.  We knew one person in the entire group the other night had been activated and we were hoping they would call before we left so that we could complete the process on them.  You need to get another session as soon as possible so that we can help you integrate these new energies and clear up the confusion.”  Their Irish accents were a bit hard to follow but I got the jest of it.

“Well, great,” I said.  “I have a practitioner coming in less than an hour…what do I do until then?  I can’t even function let alone think about doing any tantric work with anyone else.”

They suggested I take the day off and then come up to Park City the following afternoon for an appointment.  I followed their suggestion and cancelled all of my appointments for the day and then called Brad at work.  He then booked a private session for himself that afternoon to see if he could receive the same “activation” as I did.  But his experience with Damien was nothing like mine—nor was anyone else’s that I knew who had attended that night.  I finally concluded that I was indeed “unique” in my “light grid activation” and even Ken couldn’t really relate to it other than sharing that this is what other so-called “gurus” have described as “enlightenment.”  Great, I thought.

Then Stephan called later that morning to see if I wanted to go to lunch with him as he wanted to discuss our “coincidences” in both having “Empress energy” along with the “hanged-man” card in our “epic truth” readings.  I described to him what had happened during my coffee-cleanse and he seemed both concerned and fascinated.  He then shared with me that he’d been kicked out of his place by his recent girlfriend and needed a place to land.  I knew her from another friend of mine, Cal, who’d introduced us at a New Year’s Party as Cal had set her up with his Vo-Cal chair and technology.  Stephan said he’d done some work with the Vo-Cal chair, but said that he’d had enough of her “Scorpio sting” and other vagaries.  I then offered him a place to crash at our house as we had an extra bedroom.  I again called Brad to see if it was okay for Stephan to move in and Brad volunteered to pick Stephan up in town that evening on his way back from Park City.  When they both arrived that evening, I felt somewhat adjusted and integrated with my new-found “super-consciousness.”  It had also given me an extra boost of energy to where I’d cleaned the entire house and fixed a spectacular dinner.  The three of us feasted and talked well into the night and I never felt tired.  But when I did finally get to bed—sleep came easily.

The next day Stephan and I spent time sharing and swapping stories.  He shared that he’d moved from Kauai on December 15—five days after I’d left Maui—in order to finalize his divorce with his ex-wife in Idaho.  From there the “spirit” had told him to go south and he ended up landing in Salt Lake at a Byron Katie meeting where he’d met, Lois, a good friend of mine.  He’d stayed with her two weeks until he met his other girlfriend (name withheld for privacy reasons).  He then shared with me some very profound spiritual experiences that he’d had while in the desert.  These “whoppers” rivalled mine and I listened to them with mixed emotions.  He then listened intently as I shared with him my White Buffalo Woman Vision Quest story with much interest. 

We both concluded that we felt that it was extremely synchronistic that we met as I was ready to create my “Holy Vortex” website and Stephan was a web-builder.  He then remarked that God had witnesses to him that “he would be instrumental in setting up a great work in the last days grounded in wisdom.”  I informed him that “wisdom” was the feminine principal in the Kabballic Tree of Life model and I felt that my Holy Vortex concept had been downloaded directly from God on 10/10/10 to help shift the planet from an ego-based “unholy gridlock” to a more God-conscious-based “holy vortex.”  Then the mind-blower came.  As Stephan described his past as a Pentecostal Preacher a light-bulb lit up in my brain concerning a lucid dream that I’d had in January just after my visit to Maui.  “Oh my God it was you I dreamed about!” I exclaimed to Stephan and then went to my computer to find the e-mail I’d shared with my “beloveds” a day or so after it happened.  This is part of the e-mail I’d sent out on February 1, 2011:

On Saturday night I had an interesting "lucid" dream which felt very real to me.  I was in a beautiful Christian Church where I met this amazing Charismatic Christian preacher.  He reminded me a lot of a "beloved" I had met over in Maui named Blaze who was tall, dark and handsome and very charismatic (but probably not Christian).  Anyway this Charismatic Christian Minister was so "turned on" and on fire about Jesus that I immediately fell in love with him.  I then explained that I was polyamorous and was he open to a sexual relationship with me.  He hesitated for a moment, but neither of us could deny the extreme electrical energy between us. As I explained to him that we have this very distorted image around Jesus Christ--that he was somehow celibate and didn't embrace his human sexuality,  I told him that this was anything but the truth,.  That Jesus Christ was very polyamorous and enjoyed sexual relationships with many women including Mary Magdalene, Mary and Martha of Bethany and the mysterious "woman at the well."  I told him that I had founded my own church calling it "The Church of the Gathering of What is Real" which was based on Gnostic Christianity, Tantra and Shamanic practices which supports this idea.  I told him that my Church had been shut down last January because I'd been arrested for some of my Tantric practices.  In my dream, we merged on all tantric levels--body, mind and spirit--and became "one" so to speak which is the most ultimate blissful experience you can have.  He then told me to share his message to others--that if we would simply surrender our lives to Jesus (the God incarnate) that everything in life would turn out perfectly.  That it would take all the fear and anxiety out of life as we would realize (real eyes) that everything that came into our lives was directed by God and exactly perfect. 

The next day (Sunday) I shared this dream with Brad as we got into a heated discussion on our way to Crystal Hot Springs concerning a friend's proposal (I won't mention any names) to be included as part of our relationship.  He wanted to be "my other husband" so to speak. Brad immediately went into resistance as he did each time this friend made this proposal.  I then asked him to do me a favor and just surrender everything to Jesus Christ and allow Him to direct his life.  Brad again went into resistance and although he wasn't able to say the words "I surrender my life to Jesus" I knew spiritually he was there.

This initiated some interesting discussions between Stephan and I concerning the true nature of Christ, polyamory and soul-mates.  We had a good rebel-rousing round of scripture-bashing as I tried to argue concerning what I felt Christ’s true spiritual/sexual nature was and how all the prophets who ever talked with God were known polygamists (just like I’d done in my dream BTW).  I also tried to explain to Stephan that I felt Mary Magdalene, who was referred to in the Gospel of Phillip (a Gnostic scripture) as “one who knew the all,” was Jesus’ intimate companion as she traveled with him nearly everywhere he went and was at the tomb just after his resurrection.  That instead of being the “prostitute” that everyone claimed she was…that she was actually acting as a “temple priestess performing goddess rites” in the temple when the Pharisees brought her to Jesus to be condemned.  But Jesus never once condemned Mary but put her on a pedestal for the entire world to “see her good works and glorify God.”  Stephan countered that Jesus did condemn her when he made the statement “Go thy way and sin no more” referencing her as a “sinner.”  But I countered that the only ones that Jesus condemned as sinners were the Pharisees which he labeled as “whited sepulchers containing dead men’s bones.”  It was these self-righteous hypocrites whom Jesus set in order—not ordinary sinners like you and me.

Well, it was getting way too heated and way too weird for me and so we both conceded just to discuss what my vision was for my website: holyvortex.com.   Stephan kept wanting to argue with me concerning what I felt my Holy Vortex concept was (as he didn’t understand a thing about chakras, tantra or kundalini awakening) and so I resorted to playing a John Denver song for him on a youtube site entitled “The Flower That Shattered the Stone”: http://youtu.be/UpbaUytRDOE   I told Stephan I felt John Denver had written this song as a metaphor for me…or as the scripture refers: “The weak things of the world will come forth and  break down the mighty and strong things….that man should not counsel his fellowman nor trust in the arm of flesh…but trust in God!”  I sang out-loud with John the words that had become so familiar to me:

The Earth is our Mother just turning around
With her trees in the forest and roots underground
Our Father above us whose sigh is the wind
Paint us a rainbow without any end

As the river runs freely, the mountain does rise
Let me touch with my fingers, see with my eyes
In the hearts of the children a pure love still grows
Like a bright star in Heaven that lights our way home
Like a flower that shattered the stone

Sparrows find freedom beholding the sun
In the infinite beauty we’re all joined in one
I reach out before me and look to the sky
Did I hear someone whisper?
Did something pass by?

As the river runs freely, the mountain does rise
Let me touch with my fingers, see with my eyes
In the hearts of the children a pure love still grows
Like a bright star in Heaven that lights our way home
Like a flower that shattered the stone

I couldn’t resist the temptation to play another John Denver song describing “soul-mates” since I was already at his youtube site.  “So you really believe in this whole soul-mate idea do you?” I remarked, noticing Stephan previewing his e-mails as we talked, scanning for “soul-mate” indicators.  “Well, what would you do if your soul-mate didn’t exist on this planet in this time and space?  Would you simply give up on love?”  I questioned.  “Here, I want you to listen to this very inspired song concerning soul-mates.  I then played the following youtube song entitled “The Wandering Soul” adding that I’d actually been in attendance at this particular Windstar Symposium the one and only time John Denver performed this song.  http://youtu.be/zGCi9Jzs1Fw  I again joined in the chorus, tears trickling down my face…but Stephan didn’t even notice…he was too busy checking out his singles and dating sites:

In this magic hour between the dark and the dawn
In the space between the silence and the song
Suddenly the mystery is clear
That love is only letting go of fear
Love is the answer
And love is the way
Love is in knowing just what to do and what to say
Love is the reason
And love is the why
And love is in heaven right here on earth
And peace inside
Inside your heart
Deep in your soul
Within each part
And in the whole
Love is the answer
And love is the way
Love is in knowing just what to do and what to say
Love is the reason
And love is the why
And love is heaven right here on earth
And peace inside

Stephan looked up from his computer for a moment, “Well, maybe there aren’t individual soul-mates but groups of soul-mates,” he remarked and then continued with his interest in his computer.  Even though I realized that I’d lost Stephan’s interest, I decided to play another John Denver song that he’d performed live at that particular Windstar Symposium I’d attended that hadn’t been recorded anywhere else.  It was entitled “Healing Time with Mother Earth.” http://youtu.be/CwlM_LEWD9I 

“John really understood the Kabballic Tree of Life when he wrote this song.  In the first verse he recounts the three manifest sefirot: wisdom, knowledge and understanding, which really serve to define the Godhead—Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit many believe is the feminine aspect or wisdom.  Here let me play it for you again…

Let the mountains talk
Let the river run
There is wisdom here
There is much to learn
There is much to know
Much to understand
In this healing time
All across the land…

I knew that Stephan was in his own private world on his computer…but I thought I’d try to engage him one more time in my John Denver reverie.  “Hey, do you want to know why I changed my name to Jesse?” I inquired.  I knew if it meant listening to one more John Denver song that he’d pass and maybe shut off his computer.  “No…not really,” he responded.  So I didn’t push the envelope and shut off my computer in anticipation of him shutting off his…but he didn’t. 

“So, do you want to get back to building my website?” I queried.  Stephan looked up from his screen.  “Well, you still haven’t convinced me that you’re creating a “holy vortex” yet.  It still seems a bit “unholy” to me at this point.”

I tried not to react to his statement, but I could feel the impact of his offense..  “That’s pretty judgmental and harsh wouldn’t you say?  Besides it’s really not important what your opinion is about it…the important thing is that I feel it’s time to put it out there to the world what God’s impressed upon my mind and heart to do.  I really don’t need your approval or validation for any of it…” Stephan held up his hand close to my face.  “Now stop right there!  You are really getting into my personal space right now and I wish that you would back off and stop it!”

“Fine…I will…” I said, tears welling up in my eyes again.  “Besides I’ve got to get ready for a session right now.”  I got up off the couch and hurried upstairs to get ready for a tantric practitioner who was due in 5 minutes.  I checked my makeup in the mirror to make sure my tears hadn’t made rivers run through it.  I was good to go by the time I heard the doorbell ring.

After my session, Brad came to pick us both up for my 4:00 session with Damien up in Park City.  We were on “Bradley Time” so we arrived almost a half-hour late.  Ken was a bit irritated with our tardiness as he was keeping a tight schedule for Damien while he was there.  There was another person due to arrive at 6 so I hurried and paid Damian’s partner the $170 that a private session cost and then got on the table.  Damien spent an hour or so doing the same types of advanced Reiki moves I’d seen him do at the first session and then fell into a deep state of relaxation.  In that altered state I visited higher realms containing myriads of heavenly angelic beings…and also connected with John Denver…which brought tears to my eyes.  Now I knew for an absolute certainty that Heaven existed…and our Earth-life was just a veiled state of existence…for our own experience to grow in faith. 

But like the age-old adage goes: “Before enlightenment…chop wood and carry water—after  enlightenment …chop wood and carry water …it doesn’t really change other than your perception.”  And so the rest of the week was spent doing tantric healing sessions and helping Stephan clear out space in the garage in order to move all of my crafts/music/sewing/office stuff out of the small attic-room (which my grandkids called “the secret room”) so that he could have a private space of his own.  I resisted a little spending so much time “Spring Cleaning” realizing that Stephan’s current pattern was spending two weeks with someone then moving on.  I really wanted to believe in Stephan’s intentions of doing trades building my website for him staying there, but the more I got to know Stephan, the more I began to label him “a rolling stone.”  And so I made him promise to Brad and me that he would stay at least two months for trade for my website…just in case.

One interesting occurrence while we were moving things around, though, was the constant appearance of Dreamcatchers.  Friday morning as I was getting ready for two morning sessions, I noticed that one of my tiny Dreamcatcher earrings was missing from the bathroom counter where I’d left it the night before.  I showed the other one to Stephan and told him to keep an eye out for it.  Miraculously, I found it later that day attached to the end of the back tie to my string bikini.  Interesting.

Then when I was cleaning out the garage and going through some of my arts and crafts stuff I noticed a bag full of handmade Dreamcatchers, Medicine Wheels, and Feathered Serpent Shields that my children and I had made years ago to sell at the Missoula Farmer’s Market.  It brought back precious memories of my children when I still lived with them in Montana.  As I was sorting through other boxes of “stuff” a few young girls from the Liberty Hills complex stopped by on their way home from school.

“Hey, are you having a garage sale?” they inquired, noticing all of the “stuff” piled in the driveway.  “No, I’m cleaning out my garage…but I am doing a Native American ‘give-away’ with some of my things.  “Really?” they asked excitedly.  “Like what kinds of things are you giving away?”  I noticed the hot pink rollaway desk chair a few of them had already started playing on.  “Like that pink chair over there…you guys can have it if you’d like.”  Then came the squabble over who got to own the precious hot-pink chair.

“Okay, just a minute…I have other things to give away.”  I grabbed the bag containing the handmade Dreamcatchers, Medicine Wheels, and Feathered Shields.  They all gathered round to look inside.  “Wow…can I have one of those!”  Each of them picked out their favorite and looked around for other items of interest.  My large blue vase that my daughter, Ariel, had made for me caught their eye as it was filled with peacock feathers.  “Hey, can we have a peacock feather?”  Before I could answer they each had taken two out of the vase.  “Sure, why not…I have plenty…but limit yourselves to two.”  In gratitude they all lined up and bowed to me with a peacock feather in each hand.  “Bow to the queen…bow to the queen....bow to the queen…” they all started chanting in unison.

Just then Stephan came out to the garage to see what all the commotion was about and to see how I was coming in my sorting efforts.  He seemed amused by all of it and I told the young girls (who numbered a half a dozen by now) that I was actually an “Empress” and that he was a “Magician.”  (I made that one up cause I didn’t think they would go for two Empresses.)  I was hoping Stephan would entertain them with his juggling skills, which he’d demonstrated to me at a previous gathering, but he seemed somewhat irritated that I was wasting time fooling around with the neighborhood girls rather than “doing my job.”

 “Oh these must be your goddesses in training,” Stephan remarked as he shooed off two little girls who were in the garage looking in boxes for other treasures. “Oh, leave ‘em alone…we’re just having fun,” I replied as I started unloading boxes of “treasures” on the lawn for all of them to sort through.  “Tell you what…I’ll put all my give-aways on the lawn for all of you to go through if you’ll leave me alone while I sort through all of my other stuff.” 

The girls and Stephan seemed content with this agreement and Stephan started organizing boxes in the garage.  Whenever I started to stack anything on top, I was told in no uncertain terms…that it was in the wrong place.  I finally had to remind Stephan that “this is my stuff and my garage and shouldn’t I be the one to organize it how I’d like?”  Stephan then carefully explained his organizing strategy and I agreed to follow it…as long as he went inside and left us alone.  Besides I was having fun playing with the neighborhood girls.

When I came in about three hours later, Stephan was busy at his computer designing a banner with the logo for my website, and when I noticed that the colors and design were absolutely not what I’d had in mind, I cringed.  “Hey, Stephan you better stop right now…those are not the colors of my logo.  They are supposed to be primary colors…and who told you I wanted a rectangular flag for the home page?  I want circular images that depict a rainbow vortex not linear…” 

“Hey just hold on a minute here!”  Stephan’s voice was loud and intense.  “These were the colors on the logo that you e-mailed me…I was just using what you sent.”  “That’s impossible!” I responded, going to my computer to show him the files I’d sent him.  “I don’t want to see your files…I want to see the e-mail you attached them to!”  Stephan exclaimed.  “That really doesn’t matter…the files I sent you are right here.”   I pulled up the logo on my computer and showed him both files I’d sent him which clearly used primary colors.  “That doesn’t matter to me, Janae!  It’s the e-mail that you sent me that I used the colors from!”  By now Stephan’s voice was well into the shouting/screaming range and I decided it was time to move away from this contentious encounter as I was starting to tear-up again.  “Well, there must have been a translation error from the e-mail transfer and I’m not a computer expert to figure out what happened,” I remarked matter-of-factly as I headed upstairs for a hot bath.  “Oh great!  Well, I guess that’s three hours I’ve wasted!” Stephan exclaimed.  “Well, if you’d had checked with me before you started designing something I wasn’t involved with, then this never would have happened!  Next time, let me be present when you are designing my web pages.”

I climbed the stairs and ran a hot mineral bath as I was drained both physically and emotionally from my bouts with Stephan.  A few minutes later Brad came home and I begged him to bring in the rest of the stuff from the driveway as I was totally exhausted.  He was also tired from work but when he noticed the dejected look on my face…he complied.  Stephan was still stuck at his computer and didn’t offer to help Brad haul in any of the stuff…and Brad told me later that he was a bit “miffed” by all of it since this “moving frenzy” was all orchestrated by Stephan.

Saturday morning we were heading down to our 15 acres in Indianola as I’d agreed to meet Ed there to go over a landscape design rendering he was doing for me.  Brad had some errands to run before we could leave so Stephan and I finished moving everything out of the spare bedroom except for three foam pads Stephan was using for his bed and some bed covers.  He even wanted to move my sewing machine cabinet out which was a real bugger to get up there in the first place, but both Brad and I resisted moving that out…just in case. 

Stephan joined us for the hour and a half journey down to our property and was somewhat helpful in mapping out the landscape design that I would feature on the homepage of my website.  He shook his head in disdain when he toured the sorry remains of my $35,000 modular home—the roof had completely caved in during the winter leaving everything exposed to the elements.  I told him, “Don’t even talk to me about it as it’s a sore issue with Brad and me.”  Ed arrived a few minutes later and was quietly compliant as we were still healing some previous issues between us.  And Brad avoided everyone altogether by walking around the entire perimeter of the land (for some unknown reason).  But all and all it was a productive day.

Sunday Brad and I invited Stephan to join us at our weekly Sunday gathering at Crystal Hot Springs but he declined telling us “a friend” was picking him up and that they were thinking about going for a hike.  We were car-less as Brad’s front tire on his green truck was flat and his alternator light had come on; and so Dennis, a “beloved” and colleague from Heartsong volunteered to pick us up and drive us to Crystal as he and his son wanted to join us.  We had another enjoyable Sunday soaking, Watsuing and celebrating with friends and family who met us there.  When we arrived home Stephan texted Brad that he would be staying at his friend’s that night and the following day. 

“Oh, he’s just chasing tail,” Brad remarked as we both crawled into bed.  The image of a dog chasing its own tail came to mind…but then I got his drift.  I was somewhat disappointed that Stephan wouldn’t be around on Monday as I’d wanted to work on my website as Monday’s are usually my slow days.  I’d also received a text from a former client who was a web-builder and was interested in doing trades for building my website, so I called him to meet on Monday…just in case.

Well, to make an otherwise long, drawn-out story short…Stephan predictably and unsurprisingly moved out exactly two weeks to the day he’d moved in.  Of course it all had to happen on the most inconvenient day possible…Tuesday morning…the day of my preliminary court hearing.  He’d told Brad that he’d been asked to “house-sit” for this mysterious “friend” and that he’d be gone for a few days.  As the three of us were getting ready to leave for court, I had the intuition to look upstairs in Stephan’s room only to find his bed and the sorry remains of a broken Dreamcatcher I’d left as a token gift (or should I say “totem” gift) offering as he’d found the legend of the Dreamcatcher’s fascinating.   I’d also given him a copy of my Native American Tree of Life stories (which he also left behind) which contained the following story concerning Dreamcatchers:

DREAMCATCHER

And is shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out
my spirit on all flesh; and your sons and your daughters
shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your
young men shall see visions.  And also upon the servants
and upon the handmaids in those days will I pour out my
spirit.  (Joel 2:28,29)

The spirit world was most intriguing to the Native Americans.  The Elders of the tribe and the tribal Shamans took the world of the spirit very seriously, realizing that everything was created there before it was manifest here.  Much attention was given to prayer and ceremony, seeking attunement with the Great Spirit’s messages.  Much guidance and direction came in the form of dreams, visions and revelations.  It was customary for the members of the tribe—young and old, male and female—to seek vision in the form of vision quests.  Visions would come by way of dreams or mystical experiences.  All were noted by the Elders and Shamans to be powerful messages from the spirit world.
Each dream, either good or bad, was noted as a sign or message from the spirit world to the mind of the individual.  In the tradition of the dreamcatcher, the good dreams were valued and captured on the web of the dreamcatcher and crystallized in its center, while bad dreams were to be noted and dispelled, sending them off the web by means of feathers attached to the frame.  This is the legend of the dreamcatcher.

DREAMCATCHER

Dreams like wisps of cobwebs
Brush against me through the night,
Some are filled with messages
Some are filled with fright.

Some I’d like to capture
And crystallize throughout the day,
While others send off on feathers
To gently float away.

Visions and dreams were powerful tools that the Native Americans guided their lives by.  Not only did they receive messages from the spirit in these ways, but they also noted God’s hand in everything—in work, in nature, in word and in deed.  We are all connected to God through the Holy Spirit or the-spirit-that-moves-in-all-things therefore the messages and visions we receive are messages to us all.  It is our personal responsibility to live out the dreams and visions that we’ve been given or otherwise we will lose our connection to spirit and begin to die.

Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that
keepeth the law, happy is he.  (Proverbs 29:18)


“Are you planning to move out Stephan?”  I questioned as I hurried to get ready as we were late and still needing to drop off my daughter, Destiny’s, car before I went to court.  BUSTED!!  “Ahh…well…ahh…yea…I guess I am.  I decided it would be best for all of us if I moved out…and my friend offered me a place for free.”  Brad interrupted my justifiable railings as he reminded me that if I didn’t hurry I’d be late for court.  The makeup I was putting on couldn’t begin to cover up the agitation in my face.

Brad and Stephan jumpered Destiny’s car (as her battery had died because the inside light had been left on all night) while I finished getting ready.  They took off in the truck while I raced off in Destiny’s car beating them to my daughter’s home in Holladay.  When I finally slid into the front seat of Brad’s truck I had more than a few words to say to Stephan.  Brad sat in silence (as usual) as I formulated my assaults asking him why he’d deceived us in such a way to where we had wasted so much time and energy moving him in when he was planning to do the same thing he’d done with everyone elsemove out in two weeks!  Lois had mentioned to Ed (who was also Lois’ friend) that Stephan was nosey and flakey, but in spite of Stephan’s apparent unpredictability I still wanted to know what the new terms were of our new agreement.  Stephan wasn’t even willing to admit to his deceptions and wasn’t even going to consider any “new terms” until he’d thought about it for a few days.  I pushed while he resisted…and the three of us knew the conversation was going nowhere.  He texted his friend to pick him up in front of the courthouse while Brad let me off to find a parking place.  A half-hour later Brad slid in beside me on the hard courtroom bench and asked how things were going.  I’d let off a little steam but I was still discontent at how things went down that morning with Stephan.

Court along with Stephan was practically predictable.  I’d been given a new attorney named Lacey Singleton who could best be described as a “dumb blonde.”  I’d talked to about a half dozen other “defendants” who were sitting behind me and were undoubtedly as discouraged as I was with “Utah’s System of Injustice.”  Like me they had pled their innocence all the way up to this, their preliminary hearing, in hopes to plead their case in front of a jury of their peers.  But instead, they’d unexpectedly had their attorney changed that day to a new attorney—just as they were ready to plead their case.  They were “mad as hell” as they too believed that their “day in court” had been interfered with as the attorney they’d been working with for months—Maren Larsen—had been switched over to Lacey Singleton which meant they had to start from scratch with an apparently incompetent attorney.  I wrote some of their names down on the back of the copy of my latest Heartsong Newsletter “Utah’s System of Justice and a Call for Justice,” and put brackets around them with a note “Class Action Law Suit for Obstruction of Justice.”  I was going to mention this to Lacey when it came time for our “private consultation.”

I was the last one invited into the private consultation room just off of the courtroom to confer with Lacey.  I first offered my condolences that she had to take on all of these new cases just that morning.  “Oh that’s just normal court procedure,” she offered as I reminded her that she was my fifth court-appointed attorney so far to date and that I hadn’t even gotten the chance to meet my fourth—Maren Larsen.  She asked if I’d decided whether or not to hire my own attorney or represent myself and I told her that I wanted to meet with her first to see if she would be a good representative to defend my innocence in court.  I also rehearsed what a friend had told me a few days earlier “that a person who hires himself as his own attorney has a fool for a client.”  I told Lacey that the Oklevueha Native American Church was putting together a legal defense fund for me and that I’d already met with their attorneys, Summer Osburn and David Finlayson, who were willing to represent me for $3,000 and take it all the way to the Supreme Court if necessary.  She then wrote down a date on a piece of paper informing me that the court had given everyone a continuance until May 5th as they had just passed a new law or ruling that said that everyone was entitled to a preliminary hearing whether it was a felony or misdemeanor charge.  It was at this “pre-trial” that the prosecuting attorney would show evidence as to whether or not they wanted to proceed with prosecution.   Interesting…I thought we’d already jumped through those hoops with my other attorneys—Tonya Hashimoto and Debbie Levi.

“So do I need to get all of my evidence and witnesses together to present in front of the judge at this preliminary hearing?” I asked.  “No, that’s really not necessary…this is more about the DA’s office showing up with their ‘state’s evidence.’  I wouldn’t worry about getting your evidence and witnesses together until after they decide at the pre-trial what would be the next step.”  Lacey explained.  I then handed her my latest newsletter and explained that this was sort of a synopsis of what I’ve been through this past year and a half and she could start with that before reading through all of the other files she had piled on the desk in a large, brown accordion-type file.  “Thanks,” she remarked matter-of-factly, as she got up to leave.  “You can call me for an appointment sometime next week and we’ll go over your files.”

Brad dropped me off at Mom’s house as I was still without my van (which was still in our trusty mechanic’s hands now going on four months—don’t even ask) as Brad said he needed the truck for work.  I was stuck at Mom’s until my oldest daughter, Aubrey, called saying she was coming down from Logan with her boyfriend, Aaron, to spend the day with Destiny and me.  Aaron, a medical doctor, was doing training for Liposuction at Hollywood Body as he was interested in furthering his career in medical aesthetics.  We had an enjoyable day going to lunch, shopping at Kid-to-Kid and then I drove Aubrey down to the Business Registry to get Aaron’s and her new business Belledante Aesthetic Consulting registered.  I’d registered the Holy Vortex Foundation the Friday before so I knew all the ropes.

That evening after we dropped Aubrey off at Hollywood Body, Brad and I enjoyed a relaxing dinner and a movie, Limitless at Aubrey’s suggestion.  It began during the first scene of the movie where this new cutting-edge cinematography filmed in 180 degrees.  “Wow,” I whispered to Brad.  “That’s similar to what I experienced when I had my activation or ‘awakening.’  It was like my skull had been pulled off and I could see in panoramic vision.”  As the movie continued with the storyline about a drug called NZT that allowed the user to access 100 per cent of their brain, I really got weirded-out as it totally described what I’d experienced a few days earlier.  How I’d been able to access my subconscious mind in a mysterious mind-meld and how it had totally energized me to the point that I felt “limitless.”  Not limitless in the same way that the drug had accessed the entire brain for a period of time, but limitless in the sense that I now had access to the Divine Mind or the mind of God.  It seemed like synchronicities and intuitions had been increased to the umpth degree to where it felt like my higher infinite self had been totally placed in control of my finite self.  Dreams, thoughts, and information were like streaming videos that I could access at will.

I thought about my lucid dream concerning Stephan and how it didn’t turn out like it had in my dream. At some point in my dream, all of our arguments concerning religion, spirituality and sex finally collapsed into present moment bliss of spirit/mind/body merging or what I teach my tantric students as complete “energy-weaving.”  We had both chosen to some degree to go into fear concerning all of our unresolved issues and instead of facing our fears and realizing that they were “False Evidence Appearing Real,” Stephan had chosen to “Fuck Everything and Run!”  And of course my nature was simply to “call him on his shit.”

Monday morning during my coffee-cleanse, I felt that I needed to put closure on the Stephan scenario by letting him know that the trust in our relationship had been broken and that I didn’t feel I could move forward with him building my website.  Just then my phone rang and spirit told me to answer it even though I rarely answer my phone during my coffee-cleanses.  It was a new “seeker” wanting to book an appointment for a tantric session.  He then asked, “How much do you charge for sessions?”  I replied, “I don’t charge but everyone is welcome to leave a gift offering in exchange for my teachings.”  I then felt spiritually prompted to ask if he built web-sites as I prefer doing energy trades.  I could hardly believe it when he replied, “Actually, I am a web-builder and have built hundreds of websites.”    Voila!  The Universe is ALWAYS perfect!   At least that’s what I thought when I booked him for a session on Friday…which is great material for my next newsletter!

After my cleanse I went to my e-mails and posted the following post at the end of Stephan’s invoice (not included) which he’d sent me a few days earlier (which I won’t even get into as it was another real slap in the face).  He then replied to me…which I then replied to him which….well, I’ll let you judge for yourself:

From: Stephan Coutts <stephanaloha@gmail.com>
To: heartsong@webpipe.net
Subject: Trade value billed to date...total: $449 Stephan
Date: Sat, 9 Apr 2011 11:26:44 -0600
On Thu, Apr 14, 2011 at 10:08 AM, <heartsong@webpipe.net> wrote:
Stephan,
Brad and I discussed whether or not we wanted you to host the website and do any more work on it and we both came to an agreement that the trust between us has been broken and violated by your deceptions and we no longer wish to work with you as we have not come to ANY terms of agreement, therefore we do not wish to work with you under ANY terms.  Please have the hosting charges reversed from my credit card since this service is no longer required or I will have my bank take action. I also do not wish to be billed for any more of your services as that was not our original agreement of doing trades for your living here and since you have officially moved out that agreement is in default and no other agreements have been reached.  Please e-mail me my access codes to holyvortex.com and holyvortex.org as I did pay for them and need the URLs or codes to give to my new web-builder.  I sincerely hope and pray you find what you are looking for in your life as obviously it wasn't to help build the Holy Vortex Foundation which is "a divinely-inspired work founded in wisdom" as we both felt was divinely synchronized to happen. I am writing my next Heartsong Newsletter about all of this as I find it truly inspiring and enlightening and so you will know my side of the entire story concerning this. Best of luck in your future endeavors and I hope that you will find a place to land longer than 2 weeks--that seems to be your top limit in relationships ;-)  LOLLA--J. Bird (naked as a)

Janae,
I called and thanked Brad this morning for allowing me to stay at his house, and I want to thank you for your kindness as well. Please know that I wish you the best for you in your life.

There was never any charges for hosting or for any of my services ever put on your card. You paid for your domain registration for two years for your two domains.

Please have your website guy email me at stephanaloha@gmail.com the  new hosting DNS #'s and your domain names will be connected to your new hosting company and you will have full control of your website. You are the legal owner of your domains.

I really get that you are gifted in many areas and that you are hearing some precious things from Source. I tried hard to understand your current lifestyle and vision and I simply can't agree with you that it is "Holy". I am not your judge. I will continue to use my time on this earth to use my talents and abilities on projects that I truly believe in.

The following scripture is my prayer for all of us, blessings, Stephan

1st Timony 2:20-21 Now in a large house there are not only gold and silver vessels, but also vessels of wood and of earthenware, and some to honor and some to dishonor. Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work.

Stephan,
I am so grateful that you have NOT put yourself as my judge as to whether my inspired vision that was given to me from God on 10/10/10 for the Holy Vortex is holy or not as you really know nothing about me or my intentions in this matter or anything about me for that matter. You may try reading my books for a start.  I too am trying hard to understand your current lifestyle and state of "affairs" with the women whom you stay 2 weeks with and then label them bi-polar or unstable when it seems that they have simply provided perfect mirrors for you. Brad and I have been together for over 11 years and although we've had our struggles to come to terms about certain spiritual/relationship issues and practices, we seem to be able to reach agreements when we are committed to serious communication with each other about them UNTIL we can reach an agreement.  We have learned the practice of active listening which means one person gets to share their feelings until they feel complete then the other one gets to respond (not react) to them accordingly.  This seems to work well with us in our relationship and even though you may not agree with our "holy" and what we feel as wholesome relationship, it seems to work for us. I prefer not arguing scripture with you but you may want to apply the scripture you quoted for yourself and also the one which states:

"Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them."

I have tried to show you only fruits of kindness, compassion and understanding and have shed forth love to everyone who comes through my door.  On the contrary, you have shown confusing and deceptive fruits to me which seems to be a pattern in your life that doesn't seem to be working for you. But like you, I believe in the power of repentance and redemption and I do believe Jesus holds His hands out to all who come to Him just as I continue to hold out my hands to you in friendship. I am always willing to listen and respond, hoping someday we can reach some type of resolution with each other. We exist within the same circle of friends and the probability that we'll be running into each other on occasion is high so I would like all of my relationships not just to exist with "no hard feelings" but with a sense of loving kindness towards each other.

I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers as I feel a bit responsible for "dreaming you here" as it was perfect timing for me that you arrived when you did. I'm sorry things didn't work out as lovely as they did in my dream, but even dreams are subject to people's choices. I guess we didn't choose well with our thoughts and actions toward one another and I am indeed sorry for that.  But it does make for good writing material and I will send you my "rough draft" copy of my next Heartsong Newsletter entitled "Dreamcatcher" for your input as you are the main character in it.

Again, thanks for sharing yourself with us the short time you spent here. I sincerely hope that things work out for you and your life as this is my hope for all God's children on Mother Earth.  This has given me a lot of food for thought and has motivated me to do all the work necessary for my Holy Vortex Website.  If nothing else--thanks for that!

LOLLA--J. Bird (naked as ever--and always!)

Epilogue 4/17/11

Last evening Brad and I went to another mind-bending movie called Source Code.  I won’t spoil the movie by telling you the storyline but I came away with this conclusion and conversation with Brad.

You know, I think dreams are like small windows into the future—at least they are for me.  They don’t always turn out the way you’d like them to but they sort of give you a “choice-point” to make decisions by.  Take for instance the dream I had in Maui where I was romantically embracing Wayne Dyer on the beach and a huge tsunami wave hit us and we were both killed.   I could have easily quit everything and everyone here in Utah, plead guilty to “unlawful massage,” and gone back to Maui to pursue an intimate relationship with Wayne—heaven knows my heart really wanted to and it seemed like the law of attraction had brought us together as we were energetically matched.  But somehow that lucid dream kept me from moving in that direction.  And then the morning I heard about the huge earthquake in Japan and tsunami warnings for Hawaii—I was concerned that my dream was going to come true; but instead of us both being killed, I was in panic for Wayne who lived right on the beach.  But then the thought came to me—can I change the outcome of my dream by my thoughts and prayers?  So in that instant of panic, I prayed for Wayne and all of my other “beloveds” who lived in Maui and imagined a protective bubble around them protecting them from the tsunami that CNN had predicted would hit Hawaii.  And the huge tsunami I saw in my dream never arrived!

And then there was the lucid dream I had about a guy named Steve who showed up at Heartsong the day after I’d dreamed about him.  Every nuance in that dream came true no matter how hard I tried to change it.  I felt I needed to have a one-on-one conversation with Steve about my Native American visions concerning the White Buffalo Woman and the harder I tried to get Steve to disconnect from his “wired-world of business and finance” and meet me up the canyon to talk on an Indian blanket—the more interference was placed in our paths.  Come to find out if I’d had that conversation with Steve at that particular time, he probably would have connected me with his friend, Linda, who had connections with James Mooney who could have put me under the protection of the Oklevueha Native American Church before I was arrested…and perhaps could have prevented all of this nightmare.

But dreams and visions, like everything else, are always predicated upon choice.  I’ve had many dreams and visions of what Mother Earth will experience during Her own “healing time” and I’ve warned everyone I know concerning these visions.  Perhaps if we could repent (turn around) from our sins (separations within) then things don’t have to be as dramatic and tragic as I’ve seen in my visions and dreams.  But if we simply follow the path that we are now traveling—the path of disunity, disharmony, disconnection, and disintegrity—then those dreams are bound to come true.  If we could somehow “change our minds—change our lives” (as my beloved Wayne so aptly entitled his Toaist book) then I truly believe we could avoid much of the hardships that we’ve witnessed over in Japan this past month.

So my dear, Stephan, this Heartsong Newsletter is both written and dedicated to you as you are the subject of my most current dream and dreamcatcher.  Do you want to capture this “divine” dream and focus it into reality through the crystal in the center…or do you want to allow for “our dream” of peace, love, unity, joy and bliss—in other words, heaven on earth—to pass onto the outside rim and be floated away by feathers.  It is your choice as well as mine and I am willing to show up with my “Heart Wide Open” (the title of one of my books BTW).  The rest is up to you.

In closing I can’t help but include the lyrics to one of my favorite  John Denver songs, “A Wild Heart Looking for Home.”  http://youtu.be/D8W50KFw4h0

Life in the city gets all closed in
When you stand in a crowd all alone
Wishing that someone would call out your number
Hoping that someone might phone

Nights in the city can drive you crazy
There’s so very much going on
Try to get quiet, you’ll miss out on something
Like someone who’s looking for
Someone who’s looking...

There, I almost got caught again
Lost in the night all alone
With nowhere to hide, crying inside
A wild heart looking for home

Sleeping without you is always cold
The nights are so dark and so long
Dreaming of touching your face in the moonlight
Filling the silence with song

Living without you the days are endless
The clock winding steadily down
Imagining footsteps, your hand at the gatepost
The wind shuts the open door
the wind shuts the open...

There, I almost got caught again
Lost in the night all alone
With nowhere to hide, crying inside
A wild heart looking for home

The songbird, she trembles all day long
She sings as if her poor heart must break
Watching the freedom that flies past her window
Dreaming won’t fit in a cage

Fly away songbird, the wind still loves you
Your prison is forsaken at last
Follow your dreaming, you’re bound up to heaven
You’re reaching for something more
Reaching for something...

There, I almost got caught again
Lost in the night all alone
With nowhere to hide, crying inside
A wild heart looking for home

There, I thought of your face again
A vision to have and to hold
My spirit still sings, I’m flying again
A wild heart looking for home
A wild heart looking for home

Words and music by John Denver and Joe Henry

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