6/16/10 - Vision Quest Messages from the Seraphim

Vision Quest

Messages from the Seraphim

6/16/10

Day Three

Brad said the weatherman called for scattered thunderstorms today.  We’d been in phone conversation each day on my way to and from Diamond Fork as I couldn’t get phone service either at the property or at the hot springs.  We both felt it was a good idea to check in with each other with the threat of rattlers (and other potential poisonous snakes) on the hiking trail.

But the morning air was warm and clear when I awoke at just past dawn.  I read another chapter from my  “Middle Pillar” book in the morning light and then pulled on my work clothes.  Today I would be putting in the raised beds in my garden which I had learned from a French Intensive gardening class at Windstar in Colorado about 20 years ago.  I’d modified their techniques to fit each particular garden project, and it was more about digging out paths then creating raised beds.  So I set about digging out a foot path along the far north end of the garden to about 2 and a half feet out from the fence.  Then the path took a 90 degree angle as I dug out a path the length of the garden about 2 and a half feet (arm’s reaching distance) from the fence.

It was a labor-intensive process, digging the topsoil down to the hard pan and throwing it onto either side; and by the time I got the two foot paths dug, I was exhausted and ready for a soak.  I figured I’d do the second foot path the following day.  No need to push myself—it wasn’t the when I got it done—it was the how I got it done.  It was important to me that I did everything with consciousness and love—that was the Zen in me.

Again I’d stripped down to my bikini, so I repeated the same process I did yesterday to get ready for my hike.  This time, however, when I arrived at the upper trailhead, there were four cars parked in the parking area.  “Oh well,” I said to myself, “It’s a bit chilly to walk in nude.”  The winds had changed direction and were blowing in from the northwest and there were some scattered clouds in the sky.  I pulled on my shorts and tank top and threw the towel over my shoulders as they had gotten sunburned from the day before.  The towel helped cushion the straps of the backpack as I slung it over my shoulders with fresh water and green drink tucked safely inside.

I decided today I would look for herbs as I was planning to pick some and pack them out for green drink tomorrow.  As I descended the rocky cliff area, I noticed a small Garter snake scurry off into the bushes.  He was harmless enough, I consoled myself, yet repeated the affirmation to myself “I love God, God loves me, God protects me and my family.”  It soon became a rhythmic, sing-songy chant as I walked along the path.  A few more twists and turns and another garter snake about the same size was sunning himself across the path.  I thought he would slither off into the bushes like his brother did, but instead he just laid there unmoving until I had to step over him.  “Interesting,” I remarked, “It looks like the snakes are out today.”  Then I noticed on the side of the hill right above him some Cleavers.  “Oh, you were just trying to get my attention, weren’t you?”

As I neared the part of the path next to the stream, I noticed a beautiful stand of Stinging Nettle and took note of its location.  The fresh, young leaves and stems would be perfect to put in my green drink.  Further down the creek bed I spied some Horsetail Grass along a bend in the stream.  There wasn’t a whole lot of it but I thought further down on the opposite side there might be more that I couldn’t see.  Again I made a note of its location.

I’d come to the “saddle”—where the path went steeply down and then up again—which marked the half-way point on this particular trail, and I was amazed how quickly it had arrived.  I noticed some great bunches of Alfalfa and spring Dandelion along the second half of the trail and grabbed a strand of Couch Grass to chew on while I walked.  I loved the taste of fresh chlorophyll in my mouth and immediately felt the energizing effects.  Now all I needed to find was some Wild Mint and my recipe would be complete.  I’d even spotted some Plantain here and there along the creek.

As I cut my way through the field of Death Camas (a very poisonous “weed” that causes death in livestock because of its toxic alkaloids) I heard voices coming from the campground area nearby.  There were two amazing campgrounds along the trial—the first one was now inhabited by an assemblage of various sized, shaped and colored tents.  I’d say about six families had decided to camp there as the moms were gathering firewood with their children while the dads were still setting up camp.  I resisted the urge to tell them that the campground further down the path was a lot nicer (it was much larger and closer to the stream) but I figured with their young children it might be better not having the stream so close by.  They seemed to be having fun regardless of the forecast for thundershowers today and on into the weekend.  By their conservative family appearance, I figured they wouldn’t be bothering me at my “clothing optional” retreat.

The pools were just how I’d left them yesterday…absolutely perfect.  I grabbed my towel and laid it on the rock “lounge chair” and then set my book and green drink on the shelf close to where I slid in.  Aaaaaahhhhh….nothing could be quite as exquisite!  I picked up my book and then found the rock outcropping that I’d been doing some Trigger Point Therapy on my neck yesterday.  I began reading chapter two which had digressed into a detailed explanation of the Qabalah (I spell it Kaballah) Tree of Life.  I set it down as I noticed two Blue Jays playing hide-n-seek in the trees.  They were screeching at each other as they chased each other in and out of the branches.  “So this is what Jay Birds do for entertainment,” I mused to myself, remembering how a friend teased that my “naked as a J. Bird” photo should be featured in the Audubon Magazine.  Just then two other birds I’d noticed the day before yesterday came out for a private showing.  They were small yet spectacular yellow birds with red hoods.  I wished I knew what their “official” names were but I’m not much of a bird-watcher.  (I immediately repented and vowed I would buy a bird-watcher’s guide and look them up.)  I enjoyed the colorful bird-show for awhile until the sounds of distant thunder made me look up at the sky.  Dark clouds had gathered and I wondered if I should leave.

Brad and I had been caught on several occasions up at the hot springs in a thunderstorm.  It was rather exhilarating and romantic at the same time; sitting under the rock shelf in the smaller pool, watching the raindrops splatter on the surface of the water and listening to the thunder echo throughout the narrow box canyon.  Brad taught me how to count between lightning flashes and the claps of thunder—each second between represented a mile away.  My rational mind told me I should get out of the water before the thunderstorm got too close and so I got dressed, packed up my backpack, and put on my shoes to start hiking out.  But when I got across the precarious wood plank that straddled the stream between the rock wall and the trail, I noticed that in the west a large patch of blue sky was visible the further I walked up the trail.  Spirit then said very clearly to me, “Turn around and go back.”  I rarely argue with Spirit and so I did just that.

I undressed and put my clothes back into the backpack along with my book and towel.  I didn’t want anything to get wet in case it rained.  I again positioned myself on my favorite “trigger-point” rock, closed my eyes and began to relax.  I’d been seeing a chiropractor regularly for spinal adjustments as this particular doctor thought he could seriously help my scoliosis I’d been born with.  He’d shown me the disturbing X-rays and indicated that he’d never seen such a severe case in all of his practice.  But each time he did a neck adjustment, I’d end up with a major headache the next few days.  I was on day three and the “rock massages” had helped tremendously.

I felt an energy release pushing through my third-eye chakra, when suddenly I heard rocks falling behind.  I sat straight up and turned around.  Above the sheer rock and mortar back-drop (the Naturist group had done a lot of work designing the pools) was a steep hillside covered with Scrub Oak and bushes.  Often squirrels (and normally dogs) would play back there, knocking off dirt and gravel onto the rock deck and into the pools.  I strained to see what had caused the small avalanche when I noticed a beautiful, large Blow Snake slowly writhing its way along the top edge of the back-drop, knocking off small rocks in its way.  I secured a perfect seat on the opposite side of the pool and just watched.  The three-foot, orangish-brown, speckled snake seemed very determined yet casual about reaching its envisioned destination—the Scrub Oak at the end of the backdrop.  I watched as he (it felt like a male) pushed through small obstacles and then used the larger obstacles as leverage to propel him further and further toward his goal.  His whole three-foot body was involved as he finally reached the small shrub and started climbing up it.  I was amazed.

Animals are such powerful metaphors for us.  I thought about my own trials and obstacles at Heartsong and how I could get past them—or better yet—use them as leverage for my final destination.  “What exactly did Heartsong represent to me anyway?”  I asked myself as the orangish Blow Snake disappeared into the bushes beyond.  What was its real purpose and meaning?

I thought of Wayne Dyer’s last lecture at the I Can Do It Convention in San Diego.  Each time I’d listened to Wayne speak he’s told the same story about Ivan Ilych from Tolstoy’s book The Death of Ivan Ilych.  To summarize—Ivan Ilych, on his deathbed after spending his entire life at a job he resented and a wife he detested, looked into his estranged wife’s eyes and asked, “What if my whole life has been wrong?”  Then he died.  Wayne, being very much affected by this story, wrote down on a piece of paper in bold letters—WAYNE—DON’T DIE WITH YOUR MUSIC STILL IN YOU!

This had been my vision of Heartsong—to create a place and a vehicle where I could share my music—my heartsong with humanity.  I thought of the movie “Happy Feet” and how the little penguin was struggling to find his “heartsong.”  I knew I’d found mine—but why then was it taken away from me so dramatically?  How else, now, could I possibly sing my Heartsong?

My thoughts then turned to my favorite singer/songwriter John Denver who had created so many incredible songs and poetry…and then was tragically killed.  He had such an impact for good on so many people’s lives—especially mine.   Parts of my book, Heartsong were written as a eulogy to the spiritual connection we shared.  I won’t spoil the storyline by telling you how the words to Heartsong came about, but I felt like singing them to myself in memory of John.

Heaven wouldn’t be heaven without you

No, it just wouldn’t be the same

Not to see you, to touch you to hold you

No, I just couldn’t handle the pain

So I sit and I sing you my Heartsong

Hoping someday you’ll have ears to hear

And I wait and I watch and I wonder

Hoping someday I will hold you near

It’s my heartsong I sing every morning

It’s my heartsong I sing every night

It’s the song of two lovers together

Two hearts beating as one…beating as one…take flight

Life isn’t worth living without you

You make everything worth while

To touch you, to hold you, to love you

To see you break out in a smile

So I listen to hear your heartsong

It plays a tune in my heart

And I still have the faith and the wonder

That someday we’ll never be apart

It’s your heartsong I hear every morning

It’s your heartsong I hear every night

It’s the song of two lovers together

Two hearts beating as one…beating as one…take flight

It didn’t matter that John Denver was still alive today to carry on his heart songs…they lived within all of our hearts.  That’s all I wanted…that’s all anyone really wants in life…is to share their heartsongs with others.  I pondered what mine would be at this particular moment if I had a listening audience…oh yeah…I do.  I’ll write this all down in a Heartsong Newsletter and e-mail it to all of my “beloveds” on my Heartsong list.  That’s what I’ll do…but what will I say?  Just then I heard the rumbling of rocks cascading off the steep back-drop again.  OMG! (Oh My God! For those who don’t text.)  It was another enormous Blow Snake about the same size and shape, but slightly paler in color than the first, starting her journey (I figured it was his mate) across the upper ledge.  I sat mystified, transfigured by the unlikely event of having two large snakes in one day make their appearance.  This had to be an omen I told myself and promised to look up what snake totems meant in the book I’d purchased at a previous I Can Do It Convention.  After the second snake had disappeared, I went back to my thoughts.

All of my life I’d been a psychic of sorts.  They say it runs in families—my grandfather Callister had visions—to where he put all of “my” inheritance into a foundation to “help the Lamanites” as his vision had directed him to do.  My mom also “suffered” from visions or what others had called “delusions.”  Was I a bit like her—living in a fantasy world—dissociated and disconnected from the real world?   I’d had enough therapy of my own to think otherwise.  My visions were real enough, starting with the one at Windstar in 1982 when I’d gone off by myself on the “day of silence” at the Aiki Week and had an “awakening.”  In my book Heartsong, I describe it like this:

On Wednesday of that week, Tom invited us to spend an entire day in silence, communicating with each other in forms other than words.  Tom instructed us in Aikido that morning using hand signals; and although there was much laughter, no words were spoken.  After our delightful workout, we were encouraged to seek a quiet place of refuge where we could silently commune with the Spirit.  Karl volunteered to tend Delaney while I sought solitude on a small bluff overlooking Windstar.

            God's spirit was serenely shining down upon me as I sat silently feeling the warmth of the sun upon my face.  But the sun's warmth couldn't compare with the warmth in my heart as I expressed heartfelt gratitude for the gift of love God had generously given me.  Thanksgiving and gratitude poured out from me as if I was a fountain of living water forever flowing unencumbered to God.  And he, in turn, was a fountain of living waters pouring his love into me and through me to all who thirsted and were in need of refreshment.  I prayed with all of my soul that this feeling of divine love would never leave me and that I could help others to discover this exquisite gift of grace.  As I sat in silent prayer of heartfelt gratitude, a still, small voice came into my mind overwhelming me with a sense of vision.

            It was a very holistic experience involving awareness on all levels.  It was revealed to me that soon a great cleansing of the earth would occur as Mother Earth rid herself of all the disease (out of ease conditions) humankind had inflicted upon her throughout the generations of time.  Many would not understand this cleansing for what it was, seeing it as a great punishment from God.  But in reality it was a blessing, for it would rid the earth of her sin (separation within) and awaken humankind to realize (with real eyes) the imbalance we had created within ourselves and in all of nature.  Through this cleansing process, we would discover the truth of who we are and our relationship with God.  That we are, and always will be, a part of that oneness that is God.  But due to our own sin (separation within) we had created an illusion of separation.  Because of this illusion of separation, we have felt justified in disrupting the balance of nature by selfishly taking more than is necessary to sustain life, and by thinking we can rob others in order to sustain our own existence.

            But we would eventually come to realize (real eyes) through this process of awakening and cleansing (or cleansing and awakening—I saw that some would awaken by choice, some by force) that the only way we can continue to survive on Mother Earth, after her cleansing begins, is to be in oneness with God, each other, and all of creation.  Anyone who willingly chose the illusion of separation would not survive into the next millennium—which would be the millennium of peace, balance and beauty.

I struggled with this vision for years, helping to prepare a place up in Montana for Kurt and my children to live.  But then Spirit called my down from Higher Ground to witness to others and build other “safe havens” for the time when Mother Earth would begin her global cleansing.  I’ve had many other prophetic dreams and visions and a “remote viewing” while in a therapy “pod” at our Higher Ground Healing Center in Draper where I witnessed the entire Salt Lake Valley covered with an enormous tidal wave from the earth shifting on its axis.  It was alarming and I felt like a mother trying to scream at her children who are in the way of a fast-moving vehicle—but they just won’t listen!

So now, more than ever, I knew that if it was going to be—it was up to me!  I may not have the financial resources to build my envisioned eco-village or intentional community in Indianola, but I did have a lot of faith, my own two hands, and strong back to at least put in a raised-bed garden.  That much I could do right here and right now to get it started until others decided to join me.

Small rain droplets started to splash on the surface of the warm water indicating it was time to leave.  I scrambled out, got dressed and secured my backpack on one shoulder; holding my shoes in the other hand and headed for the creek.  This time I would wade across part way as the rocks were becoming wet and slippery.  Just then I noticed curled up around the fire-pit rocks a third snake—it was the same kind but slightly smaller and content to relax among the rocks and ashes.  WOW!!  I thought to myself—God really must be sending me a message!

I hiked out in the warm drizzle, passing the campground where the families were huddled around a huge bonfire wearing clear plastic raincoats.  I laughed to myself at their obvious resistance to the rain.  My hair was already wet so the towel around my shoulders didn’t help any to keep my head dry.  I then sang a song I’d learned clear back when I was in the Youth Church Choir. 

Rain falls

Soft rain at my window

All the butterflies

Have hurried away

And the honeybees

Have called it a day

And the Columbine are bending their heads

In the rain

Rain falls

Soft rain making puddles

For the children’s feet

The puddles are sweet

And a Skater bug fleet

Finds the small pools a treat

And the Columbine are bending their heads

In the rain

While the rain is a falling there’s a quietness about the world

While the thunder is calling there’s a quiet hush about the world

A time to remember the beautiful things

To look for tomorrow in your fondest dreams

Rain falls

Soft rain at my window

I will go outside where the sleepy rain blows

Feel the wet on my face, feel the wet on my clothes

And like the Columbine…I want to bow…my head…in the rain

For some reason that song always makes me cry and so to liven it up a bit and step up the pace, I decided to sing one more of my favorite “rainy day” songs.

Raindrops keep falling on my head

And just like the guy whose feet our too big for his bed

Nothin’ seems to fit

Those raindrops keep falling on my head, they keep falling

So I just did me some talkin’ to the sun

And I said I didn’t like the way he’d got things done

Sleepin’ on the job

Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling

But there’s one thing…I know

The blues he sends to meet me won’t defeat me

It won’t be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Do dah do dah… do dah do dah

Raindrops keep falling on my head

But that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be turnin’ red

Cryin’s not for me

‘Cause I’m never gonna stop the rain by complainin’

Because I’m free

Nothin’s worrying me

Brad thinks there’s an anomaly in my brain that makes me remember every lyric to every song ever written.  (Just kidding!)  Hey, if I ever have to remember anything I just put it to music and it’s there to stay.  I guess that’s part of my Heartsong story.  Anyway, I got back to my van okay without anymore run-ins with snakes.  And you know what—the sun came out just in time for the long stretch of meadow and I actually saw a rainbow—imagine that!  Life is just too good (but no more songs for now).

I drove back to my 15 acres and noticed that the wind had changed directions, coming from the north and turning the air chilly.  I quickly planted my broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini and cucumber starts with the water that was left in my 5-gallon container and then decided to head back home.  When I arrived, Brad looked up from a CSI episode on TV and nonchalantly remarked, “You’re back early.”

“Oh, you know me and Mary Poppins” (my favorite movie character), I replied.  “The wind changed.”  I then headed to the bookshelf and pulled out Steven Farmer’s book Animal Spirit Guides and turned to the page describing snake totems:

If SNAKE shows up, it means:

            You’re about to go through some significant personal changes, so intense and dramatic that an old self will metaphorically die as a new self emerges.

            You’re going to feel a surge of energy that will sharpen your senses, alert your mental faculties, and open up new channels of awareness.

            You’re about to resolve a long-standing issue, one that has required a great deal of your attention, by seeing things in a new light.

            It would be a good time for you to start doing either tantric or kundalini yoga.

            You’ll experience a dramatic and unexpected physical or emotional healing very soon, coming from an unexpected source.

Call on SNAKE when:

            You’re going through a major life or developmental transition, one so powerful that it requires you to shed a lot of attachments, especially to your old identity.

            You’re moving into unknown territory, a passage through darkness, and you’re feeling afraid that you won’t get through it and are anxious about what lies ahead.

            You need a healing of any kind.

You need help in releasing any and all self-destructive or self-defeating tendencies or habits.

You want to increase your energy and vitality, including your libido.

If SNAKE is your POWER ANIMAL:

            You’re a healer, whether your focus is primarily on plants, animals, humans, or the earth.

            You’ve gone through a series of initiations, including death and rebirth experiences and as a result have gained compassion, wisdom, and a powerful capacity for healing.

            You’ve gained a deeper interest in ancient and indigenous cultures and spiritual practices and feel quite at home with these, along with other esoteric and metaphysical interests and pursuits.

            You’re very sense-i-tive, able to perceive subtle energies emanating from others and interpret them by trusting your gut feelings.

           

I closed the book and smiled, letting out an audible sigh.  I sat down next to Brad and grabbed a hold of his hand.  He smiled and we both finished watching the CSI episode together.